kenmore Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 It's done. I found it a little odd, but not completely, that my wife's paralegal sent her a message saying "congratulations, you will be divorced July 8th. There will be no notification from the court, but it will be official." Yeah, congratulations on a failure. Sorry, no matter how you look at the big picture, it's a failure for everyone; but in the eyes of the paralegal, it's a win! I'm not bitter (much!) but I'm feeling relief. This was my last chance to unload some disgust regarding all of this but now I'm sure I can let it go? I only put the question mark because I am not sure I can yet. I'm trying. I feel she let us go so easily, why should I care? Okay, it doesn't matter anymore, right? It's done. It's a slow process but I am moving on. I have developed a shell against her so I turn it that way. It isn't helping that I have gotten rejection from work too, but hey it's God's plan, right? That's what my sister told me. I'm ready to take on my new(er) life now and say screw it all. I am in a unique position to say screw it all really! I'll go with what works and it's nice only having to worry about me for a change, as selfish as that sounds. Ken Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 (edited) It's only a failure when we accept that term for ourself, kenmore. Otherwise, it's some kind of learning opportunity -- even if we don't get the point, purpose, rhyme or reason for the particular bloody "lesson(s)" at this particular bloody time That said. For myself, I did not "announce" my divorce until a year later. When people asked about my timing, I said that I didn't know, right when it became official, if it actually was the "right and best" thing for me, so how could I "celebrate" it or -- what's the opposite of "celebrate"? it. You just don't know, right now. It's true that the court doesn't notify you. You will need to pick up your 'decree nisi' from your lawyer. (At least, that's what I had to do.) It isn't helping that I have gotten rejection from work too, but hey it's God's plan, right? Yeah. No. Or, yeah...but only if you know that "God's plan" is also YOUR plan. Nothing that is happening to us is happening to us without our own agreement, permission, even request. Nothing. We designed our own "God's plan". That's...kind of where the evidence is leading. And no. How you're thinking does not sound "selfish"...it sounds reasonable. Best of luck. Edited July 11, 2015 by Ronni_W 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakechammah Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 I'm sorry for your pain, but it will pass and you will be alright in the end. Keep soldiering on. I hope you have a good network of support from friends and families. Take care and good luck with your rocking new freedom! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Congratulations. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ChicagoSparty Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 (edited) My XW went out with her boyfriend and a few friends after we finalized in court to 'celebrate'. I wonder how that celebration went, considering that she was crying in court and then confronted me outside of the courthouse trying to sell me on getting counseling with her. That party must have been a real hoot. In your case, don't worry about it or let it get to you. The relationship is dead, so just bury it and move on. Great things await! Edited July 11, 2015 by ChicagoSparty 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Hi Kenmore. welcome to the single world. You're your own guy, with your own agenda and a whole new world to explore. Take it easy, pal. Go gentle into that good day, and relish being your own man for a while. Do things for yourself. Do things out of the ordinary, and well into the ordinary. Open up that new book, page one. Oh look: It's blank. Whatcha gonna write....? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
TashaTudor Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 The best is yet to come for you. Good luck Kenmore! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Brigit_1 Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 It's done. I found it a little odd, but not completely, that my wife's paralegal sent her a message saying "congratulations, you will be divorced July 8th. There will be no notification from the court, but it will be official." Yeah, congratulations on a failure. Sorry, no matter how you look at the big picture, it's a failure for everyone; but in the eyes of the paralegal, it's a win! I'm not bitter (much!) but I'm feeling relief. This was my last chance to unload some disgust regarding all of this but now I'm sure I can let it go? I only put the question mark because I am not sure I can yet. I'm trying. I feel she let us go so easily, why should I care? Okay, it doesn't matter anymore, right? It's done. It's a slow process but I am moving on. I have developed a shell against her so I turn it that way. It isn't helping that I have gotten rejection from work too, but hey it's God's plan, right? That's what my sister told me. I'm ready to take on my new(er) life now and say screw it all. I am in a unique position to say screw it all really! I'll go with what works and it's nice only having to worry about me for a change, as selfish as that sounds. Ken I'm sorry you're going thru a bad time Ken. Hugs. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 wishing you the best, Ken. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Congrats on no longer being with someone who doesn't want to be with you. No one should be tied to an unwilling spouse. Lots of fish in the sea... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lgspot Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Welcome to a new beginning Ken. Am I correct in remembering you have plans? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Wishing you the best for your present and future! No, I don't believe it's God's plan for you to have rejection in your life but I encourage you to try to see it as a learning experience. Your sister may be saying it's God's plan for you to find something better you're more suited for, or that some situation or learning experience that will benefit you will come from it. Is it possible you've taken a statement your sister meant as an encouragement and considered it in your mind to be negative? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Kenmore, since you started that great joke thread, I'll send one your way: What happens if you miss your ex-wife? ~ Get better aim:cool: 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kenmore Posted July 12, 2015 Author Share Posted July 12, 2015 LOL thanks Sycamore Circle and thanks everyone! Sure livingwaterplease, it was meant as an encouragement as it was from the three other religious people I know and I appreciate that but really? I mean we have all heard that before and I don't know what God's plan is or if he (or she) has one or if there is one (God that is.) My experience in life is that there is something better around the corner...half the time. I do appreciate your encouraging words though, I don't want you to think I'm taking your post negatively. lgspot, my plans come and go with the breeze. It's not that I'm wishy washy, it's just that things don't gel often. I have a plan to start my own business that I wanted to start from day one but didn't because it was "inappropriate" for me to spend money doing what I want. It's much better to spend money doing what I don't want. Only then am I being a true martyr. I'm wishing I had the thousands of dollars I have spent doing this career to do that but we all start from where our feet are. Taramaiden, the first thing I think I'll write is my experience with free sex. Of course that takes hands-on research. Better get started! Wanna help? Minimariah, :love:! Jen, :p! Thanks again everyone for your kind words! I love you all...yeah, even the guys! Ken 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Another way to see it rather than as failure, is freedom from a spouse who doesn't love you and freedom to find a person who will love you. Link to post Share on other sites
hromo Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Congratulations. There is a better plan for you and all of going through this. time to create your life goals, what you want and your new adventure awaits you. For me, l cannot wait for my divorce settlement to happen. But l know l must wait as that's God's plan for me. All the best Link to post Share on other sites
Author kenmore Posted July 20, 2015 Author Share Posted July 20, 2015 Thanks Sandylee, you're so right! Hi hromo and thanks! Welcome here. In your case it's not so much Gods plan as the state's. Kinda one and the same in a way though. Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
hromo Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Thanks for the encouraging words. This too shall pass. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 It's done. I found it a little odd, but not completely, that my wife's paralegal sent her a message saying "congratulations, you will be divorced July 8th. There will be no notification from the court, but it will be official." Yeah, congratulations on a failure. Sorry, no matter how you look at the big picture, it's a failure for everyone; but in the eyes of the paralegal, it's a win! I'm not bitter (much!) but I'm feeling relief. This was my last chance to unload some disgust regarding all of this but now I'm sure I can let it go? I only put the question mark because I am not sure I can yet. I'm trying. I feel she let us go so easily, why should I care? Okay, it doesn't matter anymore, right? It's done. It's a slow process but I am moving on. I have developed a shell against her so I turn it that way. It isn't helping that I have gotten rejection from work too, but hey it's God's plan, right? That's what my sister told me. I'm ready to take on my new(er) life now and say screw it all. I am in a unique position to say screw it all really! I'll go with what works and it's nice only having to worry about me for a change, as selfish as that sounds. Ken The failure is hers, not yours [i looked up your original thread]. She failed her marriage and offered a bad example to her teenage daughter that knew you long enough for you to have an impact on what kind of men she might want to be with in the future. In your original thread you had ... shame for not being a 'man' by being able to provide in a rough patch of your life. I hope you have started feeling less like that over time, because it is supposed to be 'for better or worse'. Link to post Share on other sites
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