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Impending divorce...


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introverted_1

Hi folks...

I have been with my spouse for sixteen years (next month). A month ago, she announced to me that she was finished with our relationship. She would not agree to counseling or anything to assist.

 

Oddly, I don't think there's another person waiting in the wings.

 

She continues to text me as if nothing has happened (I moved in with friends) and she's in no hurry to file for divorce. I feel like I'm in limbo.

 

On top of everything else, I am seven weeks out from a badly broken shoulder, and the pain of that on top of the emotional pain of our parting is particularly horrible. : (

 

I know there isn't anything I can do to rescue the relationship- she's made the unilateral decision to end things and her mind is made up. I guess that any advice or reassurance that things will eventually be okay and the pain will gradually fade and I will go on to perhaps bigger and better things would be awesome, though.

 

We are both female, as an FYI. I'm just so sad. I really thought we'd be together forever. :confused:

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Clueless53

I'm in a similar situation.

 

My W and I have been together 11 years. Sure we have had problems but nothing that should destroy the marriage. She asked me for a trial separation last month. She said she didn't know what she wanted and needs time and space to figure things out. She started to move on.

 

We are both 32 and honestly I feel like she is going through an early midlife crisis. We have 2 children 10 and 4 and they are at the age where mommy isn't needed like she used to be anymore.

 

My W and I are getting a divorce. It's the hardest thing I've ever been through. Ithe makes it worse that I can't get a reason from her. She will bring up our issues but they can all be managed with some work, she just isn't willing to put any more into our marriage.

 

She has always said she just doesn't know what she wants. I can't get her to admit to it but I feel like she shiws that she doesn't want to be with me anymore she just doesn't have a reason why.

 

There is no one else, she just wants to be alone.

 

Hang in there, it sucks, I feel like I've been in limbo for the last month. You have to make the decision she can't.

 

If she doesn't want to be with you but is dragging her feet for divorce she is probably going through what my wife is.

 

They are both waiting to see if what they feel is temporary or if they really do want to be alone.

 

For me I decided I can't wait anymore. I told my W today I'm done and want a divorce. You need to make a decision too. It will hurt, it sucks, trust me I know. But you need to decide, don't wait for her to.

 

Hope this helps, sorry.

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introverted_1

Thanks, Clueless...

I didn't want divorce in the first place, so it feels odd if I am the one to file for it. At the same time, I know her very well and once her mind is made up, it's made up.

 

I am flummoxed...we legally married a year ago when it became legal in our state (as I stated, we have been together for years) and I took those vows seriously. I am devastated.

 

It looks like you and I are both about a month into our respective odysseys.

 

Thanks so much for responding.

 

Forgot to mention...so sorry about your kids, too. That just makes things doubly hard, doesn't it?

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I guess that any advice or reassurance that things will eventually be okay and the pain will gradually fade and I will go on to perhaps bigger and better things would be awesome, though.

 

I'm sorry introverted, that truly is awful. I feel for you.

 

Myself, I am about 7/8 months in and can assure you that you will feel better someday, but it will take time. Don't rush it, though. Allow yourself the time to mourn and really feel the sadness, otherwise it will linger.

 

I'd encourage you to see a counselor and keep writing, here, in a journal, whatever. Get the feelings out.

 

Also, remind yourself that you are perfectly fine and worthy of love and you deserve someone who is 100 % all in on your relationship.

 

Good luck!

 

KTB

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Sorry introverted_1. It's very hard and there are so many emotions to go through. It will get better and hopefully you will move on to someone who will return your love.

 

I know it doesn't really help much but she isn't on the page you're on. You wonder why she would do this and how, and to her, it's what she wants. It has taken me a year to drill this into my head and I still wonder. I know it logically, but inside it's so difficult to grasp because I naturally assumed she felt like I did. It takes time to grasp the concept that one of the most important thoughts of your life was completely wrong!

 

Someday you will find someone who feels the same (or close enough) about you as you do about them and it will be a better relationship. Let me guess, she didn't treat you very well either? You deserve better.

 

I definitely sympathize though.

 

Ken

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introverted_1
I'm sorry introverted, that truly is awful. I feel for you.

 

Myself, I am about 7/8 months in and can assure you that you will feel better someday, but it will take time. Don't rush it, though. Allow yourself the time to mourn and really feel the sadness, otherwise it will linger.

 

I'd encourage you to see a counselor and keep writing, here, in a journal, whatever. Get the feelings out.

 

Also, remind yourself that you are perfectly fine and worthy of love and you deserve someone who is 100 % all in on your relationship.

 

Good luck!

 

KTB

 

Thanks, KTB...

Yes, I should be journaling. Sometimes the sadness is so crushing, I don't know how I can stand it. Combined with my bad shoulder fracture, I'm in a real hell.

 

Right now, my primary feeling is complete worthlessness, which is pretty normal- at least from what I've been reading online.

 

Thanks for your kind response.

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introverted_1
Sorry introverted_1. It's very hard and there are so many emotions to go through. It will get better and hopefully you will move on to someone who will return your love.

 

I know it doesn't really help much but she isn't on the page you're on. You wonder why she would do this and how, and to her, it's what she wants. It has taken me a year to drill this into my head and I still wonder. I know it logically, but inside it's so difficult to grasp because I naturally assumed she felt like I did. It takes time to grasp the concept that one of the most important thoughts of your life was completely wrong!

 

Someday you will find someone who feels the same (or close enough) about you as you do about them and it will be a better relationship. Let me guess, she didn't treat you very well either? You deserve better.

 

I definitely sympathize though.

 

Ken

 

Well, lately she hadn't been treating me the best...but we hadn't devolved (in my eyes) to the point of divorce. We had a relationship very much like her parents. Her dad was very successful business owner (so is spouse) and her mom ran everything else.

 

Her focus is primarily on herself and she does have a tendency to be a bit controlling.

 

In the last few years, she's taken to working non-stop, and we both sort of began to develop separate lives, except for weekends when we would escape to our rural cabin.

 

I just wish I was a year down the road from now, so the pain would be less.

 

Thanks for your response.

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