I Just Wanna b Happy Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Wife left me for about 6 weeks ago and I guess is with the guy she was having an affair with (also got pregnant by him). I should be ecstatic that she's gone and I was pretty good last week. This week, however, has been a nightmare. Today was the only day I didn't break down crying while leaving work to come home. I just can't help how much I miss her. I know I shouldn't but its like I can't help it. How long does this nightmare last??? Link to post Share on other sites
MarieB215 Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 I think it's true when they say it really is different for everyone. I'm slowly approaching 7 months since my H and I separated and he moved out and I'm still struggling every minute of the day with the all consuming pain. My wish is that you progress quicker than I do. Hang in there.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author I Just Wanna b Happy Posted June 12, 2015 Author Share Posted June 12, 2015 I think it's true when they say it really is different for everyone. I'm slowly approaching 7 months since my H and I separated and he moved out and I'm still struggling every minute of the day with the all consuming pain. My wish is that you progress quicker than I do. Hang in there.. I am really sorry to hear this. Seven months is insane. I truly hope it does not last that long because I just don't know how I would survive. I'm staying busy in the gym, reading, hanging with the kids but its the alone time that reeks havoc on me mentally. I just miss the good times when she was my best friend and had my back fully. This is the toughest time of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 My xW cheated on me and when I found out I kicked her out and of course she ran straight to the other guy. I know your in pain but just tell yourself each day you don't have to deal with a person like that anymore. The more you do this the more you will start to realize that the person you loved really wasn't that great. Find things to go out and do. Don't stay at home if at all possible. Work out, Go Hiking, Hang out with friends. I kept custody of my kids so I didn't really ever get anytime alone except on ever other weekend. The times I did have free I would try to go out and date or hang out with friends. I am not suggesting getting into any kind of a relationship at this point but more more to help yourself see there are other things out there and other options. The best revenge is moving on and living well. Clay 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MarieB215 Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 I am really sorry to hear this. Seven months is insane. I truly hope it does not last that long because I just don't know how I would survive. I'm staying busy in the gym, reading, hanging with the kids but its the alone time that reeks havoc on me mentally. I just miss the good times when she was my best friend and had my back fully. This is the toughest time of my life. I hope it doesnt last that long for you either. I agree, the downtime is the absolute worst to handle. I wish I had any advice for you, but all I can say is just try and hang in there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 During my breakup I found that my brain was obsessed with her. I thought about her constantly. The goal was to find activities that kept my brain occupied on things other than her. Naturally I got back into my long neglected hobbies. I also experimented with trying things that was curious about be had never tried. I failed at raising orchids. But found success breeding hard to raise tropical fish. Water conditions had to be right, special foods had to be cultivated to keep the fry alive once the arrived, etc. More time off of the clock I was a long term bachelor when I married, so had learned to cook. Thinking down the road, I began to teach myself how to cook some gourmet meals. This turned out to be a triple winner, they took longer to prepare, more time off the clock, I was rewarded with a fantastic meal, and when I got back into the dating game, they were a great success. The idea is to find an activity that gets your mind off of your problems even for just a few seconds, then to turn those second into minutes, hours and days. It helps and quickens the healing process. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 (edited) Rule of thumb! Cheaters affair down, while the cheated take time to recover, they find a way to move up. I saw this years ago with my best friend in college. He married young, but a couple of years he caught her cheating. A couple of years later he showed up with this fantastically beautiful gal. They married and had two boys and are now grandparents. As for myself, after awhile my sex life once again took off. It was so awesome that I swore I would never fall in love again. That lasted about a decade. Second date, first kiss and I was a goner. We have now been together for coming up on 20 years. She is totally out of my league in the looks department, long legs, long beautiful hair, a face that I still want to kiss every morning. She is a grand mother of a 19 year old, but still has an hour glass figure and flat stomach. Not bad when at almost age 70 I am sharing my life with a gal who is still eye candy. And it is great seeing the looks in the eyes of the other men, wondering what that old codger has that they don't have. And she is the most caring giving person I have ever met. Everybody who knows her lover her. And there is no doubt she is all mine. Two nights ago, while driving her grand daughter to work, I ventured how we had not had good Mexican food in over a month. On the way home, she stopped at our favorite restaurant, her treat. Divorce the best thing that ever happened to me. Edited June 13, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Everything gallon wrote. You need to redirect your energy. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 My second marriage fell apart when my then 5 year old daughter spilled the beans with something she said. When I asked my wife who _____ was she had that deer in the headlights look on her face. Things weren't going too good to begin with but this was the cherry on top. That night she was living at her mothers house with my daughter and outside of not having my kid there, I didn't look back. She committed the cardinal sin in my book and she knew how I felt about cheating. Was I mad, hurt, self respect torn to shreds? Yeah but I refused to give her my sanity. That's mine and I wont give it up for love or money. Stop dwelling on the past. It's history and when you start thinking of all the good times, ask yourself if it was real and your mind will go back tho the present. Takes time to get over but you can do it and make it easier on yourself by stop thinking about the "Coulda, woulda shoulda's" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Wife left me for about 6 weeks ago and I guess is with the guy she was having an affair with (also got pregnant by him). I should be ecstatic that she's gone and I was pretty good last week. This week, however, has been a nightmare. Today was the only day I didn't break down crying while leaving work to come home. I just can't help how much I miss her. I know I shouldn't but its like I can't help it. How long does this nightmare last??? Look, this woman was your wife, you planned a life with her, you had hopes and dreams! She ruined it by cheating, having an affair and leaving you for the OM. Of course you feel the way you do, you love her, you miss her, even though she's hurt you to the core, it's going to take a while to work through the pain and the loss. Be kind to yourself - Be around good friends and family who have your back, who can love and support you through this difficult time in your life. Join a gym, do yoga, keep your mind busy too, any physical exercise will help you sleep better at night. This takes time, it's a big loss for you so don't rush through your grieving process. You will feel better though and have some good days ahead, I promise you! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Majormisstep Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Six weeks is not a long time Wanna. I struggled in epic proportions for 1.5 years but that was coming out of a 23 year M. Your grieving and emotions are perfectly normal. You have to go through this cr*p to get to the other side, unfortunately. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chew123 Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Dude, Sorry to say 6 weeks is nothing. We all progress at different rates but be kind to yourself. I don't want to scare you but I am 9 months in and still need more time. Not that I don't enjoy my life, but I still slip backwards and think about the past quite often. Give it time. You will be ok eventually but 6 weeks? no way man. Link to post Share on other sites
floridapad Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 They say time heals. Honestly that bs if you don't have a plan. Some people are quicker than others. When my ex cheated, I knew what she did was horrible and destructive. I also knew I didn't want her to affect me in the long run. I set goals. I had a mantra this woman is not going to ruin my life and I'm going to learn about myself and relationships for me and I prayed that she was going to be the benefactor of my goals. If not then someone else would and I would be happy anyways. It takes time. But you have to make goals that resonate with you as an individual. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Goodguy Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 The fastest track to getting over this is taking off the rose colored glasses and really looking at the situation for what it is. And asking yourself "Do I really want someone back in my life that has done this and probably will do this again? When they make that decision that means that they stopped respecting you, and you know that you deserve all of the respect. And I know you have heard this and this is one of the hardest things to continue to realize and use. This has nothing to do with you, its them. They have become selfish and weak. If it was something they decided to do there is nothing that you could do to stop it. When you look at them you should pity them and know that based on their behavior they are beneath you and you deserve better because you carry yourself to a certain standard. I will leave you and everyone else who can use it with this, "Never underestimate the inevitableness of gradualness." Take off the rose colored glasses be real with yourself and realize when you stop looking back there is a whole world out there waiting for you. KEEP SAYING "DONT BELIEVE ME JUST WATCH!" Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 In addition to all the great advices you got here, I think part of your misery is because of you hurt ego. She's humiliated you, and crashed your ego. So, according to that, another way to heal faster is to get some ego boost. For example, try to think about all your old habits that made her annoyed - Go back to them big time! Are there some adventures she "wasn't OK with"? Go for it and take your children with you. Show to yourself that the way you are going to live now is better and much more satisfying when she is not near you to make limits. Yes, it's a little childish, but in a good way, and also Ego is always childish, like most of fights are childish. So what? Go extreme! Link to post Share on other sites
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