havetogo Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 I've always wanted a husband and children. After 3 years with a man I loved, he told me he decided he couldn't see himself getting married. I was 29 when we broke up. I fell in love again at 31 and got married after we had been dating for a year. We have been married for a year and he has been abusive since the day we married. On our honeymoon he called me a b*tch for the first time. Since then his behavior has been getting worse and worse. I moved out 7 months into the marriage after he abandoned me at the store and called me a F*cking idiot and later spit on me that day. We tried to work it out over the past 6 months (while separated) but it has gotten worse. Last week he got mad, called me a b*tch over and over, shoved me into the wall several times, spit on me twice, and hit me in the face. Before him, I have never been in an abusive relationship. I realize I have no choice but to file for divorce. But I am now 32 and feeling hopeless. Aren't you supposed to wait 2 or 3 years after a divorce before you start dating again? How will I ever fall in love all over again and have children when I'm already 32? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LifeNomad Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 some people say to wait some people say there is no need to. If you need to mourn by all means go ahead but for some people it helps to go out and start meeting people right away. Not necessarily fall in love but just date or go out. my opinion is the moment your free you can do what you want, no more commitments to him and you don't owe him anything. you can start dating the same week after you got divorced if you wanted to. I had also posted a similar question a while back here and the few people that replied said the moment they are out the door you can do whatever you want. good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 havetogo, First you are right to leave. Life is too short. If you find a worthy man, someone who loves you, get married. Again life is too short. You wont kids, love and and the whole package, go for it. There is no relationship police, so "Aren't you supposed to wait 2 or 3 years after a divorce before you start dating again?" Does not apply. Yes, you are running out of time for kids, and that cannot be gotten back, so move forward with your life. Join on line dating and let everyone know you are looking for a real relationship, and are interested in marriage, and then be picky. Remember, to not sell yourself short. Look for the emotionally mature guy that wonts the same as you, marriage and kids. Also look at guys younger then you and maybe 10 years older. Look for the guy that will be there for you. I wish you luck & Love, and hope you find the man that is worthy of you. 366553 Link to post Share on other sites
Author havetogo Posted May 29, 2015 Author Share Posted May 29, 2015 Thanks lifenomad and understand50, you are right, I should just move on as I have limited time left. Its sad that things worked out this way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 How will I ever fall in love all over again and have children when I'm already 32? First, you are right to leave. There is no other choice that will end happily for you, so it is a must. Secondly, there is no hard rule on how long you have to wait before you date. You shouldn't do it before you feel ready, but that could be six months, or a year, or less. It depends on how long it takes you to mourn the loss and be ready to move forward. It varies for every situation. I would advise you to take as much time as you need and not rush it, because ... Thirdly, 32 is still young enough to rebuild your life. You have no children with this abuser, so you can make a clean break, move forward and build a new life with someone who is worthy of you. Plenty of people I know have children through their mid to late 30s and are fine. I myself didn't get married at all until I was 35. Either way, though, your first order of business is to get this abusive a**hole out of your life permanently and heal from this heartbreak, then turn your attention to taking care of yourself and rebuilding your life. Then worry about the rest of it when the time feels right. Rushing things because you feel pressured by time would only lead to more trouble. KTB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 How long do you wait? For this guy 1 second. Hit you? Spit on you? Called you a B@ch? Yesterday is the real answer. Do not give this one more thought. You need to know your value and carry yourself accordingly. You are by no means old. If you are looking for a quality man. Go to where they are. Take up a sport, volunteer, do something outdoorsy. Most Importantly, think and act highly of yourself. We will look. (Not me, in case my GF is reading 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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