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Today I closed the door


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My ex husband left me for his OW in the summer of 2011 after 12 years together. It took me the rest of that year and the best part of 2012 to recover and heal.

 

We had a long and protracted divorce which was eventually finalised last summer. Part of the agreement was the sale of the marital home.

 

 

Although I moved into my new rented home a few weeks ago today was the day I closed the front door for the very last time on what had been my home through some really happy times, some desperate times and everything in between.

 

Walking through that empty house for the very last time was a lot more emotional than I had bargained for.

Even though I've healed, let go and moved on from my ex husband a long time ago, I felt strangely tearful and chocked up.

 

After nearly 4 whole years, today I closed the door. Literally and metaphorically. Tomorrow it will somebody else's home and I genuinely wish them many happy years there.

 

 

I went home, cuddled my cats, spoke to my wonderful new guy, poured a glass of wine and decided to write this.

 

I'm not asking for advice, I just wanted to share a bit of my story.

 

 

SC

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LoveMachine67

SoulCat, think of it this way... you've closed one chapter of your life now.. and started a new one.

 

Now time to build new and happier memories! ;)

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Congrats Soulcat. Now on with the rest of your life. It sounds like you have recovered nicely and have moved forward with your life. Not a surprise that the final closing of the house brought out the sentimentality. You had a lot of years there.

 

Our house goes on the market next week. I hope it sells quick so I can get this over with. I am 8 months in myself and divorced for a couple months. Can't imagine having this drag on for years. I don't think I could take it.

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starglider

Thanks for posting.

 

Cats, wine, and a wonderful new guy are nice details to for us to learn about.

 

And hearing about you experiencing deep emotion like this during your last walk through of your old home is also a gift in your journey. It is all real living. No walls. No BS.

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Now time to build new and happier memories! ;)

 

This is pretty much what my wonderful new man said last night.

 

His words: we have today to make new memories for tomorrow.

 

Feeling as emotional as I did, it made me smile and want to cry at the same time.

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I wish you luck, SoulCat. I hope to be in your shoes in a few months, leaving what has been the marital home for four plus years - through some very happy and some very difficult times.

 

I have been living there alone for the past six months. It is going to be extremely emotional when I leave for the last time and go somewhere new. Even though I know it is what is best for me, and I am looking forward to it, I know a few tears will be shed.

 

Good luck to you, and here's to a better future.

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30 years ago I was all alone and closed the door from "our"house.It hurt and I couldn't keep dry eyes. So many emotions. When i turned the key for the last time, I decided that I was taking only the happy memories with me, and the grief would stay behind. It worked, so every once in a while i can think of the fun that we had. I'm remaried and a granddad of 5 grandkids now, and life is good for us.Unfortunaly my ex is very sick with no chance to make Christmas 2015. Now I feel sorry for her and her family, wich I didn't 30 years ago. I wish you a great life and many great new good memories.

 

 

Dutchman 1

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Movingforward2

I "close the door" next week. Been a long 2 years, and with my oldest going to college it will be the end of a lot of things. It's really been hitting me the last week that selling the house really is "it".

 

I've had so many emotions about it, it's tough to deal with. I know it's best for all of us to get a fresh start, but at the end of the day I really wanted to keep it. I haven't fully let go, and hope I'll get there soon, and think this might help. I just can't fathom that a little over 2 years ago everything was so normal, but now totally different set of friends, hobbies, etc and I'm working on being happy.

 

But I do appreciate the post. It's been a good run.

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30 years ago I was all alone and closed the door from "our"house.It hurt and I couldn't keep dry eyes. So many emotions. When i turned the key for the last time, I decided that I was taking only the happy memories with me, and the grief would stay behind. It worked, so every once in a while i can think of the fun that we had. I'm remaried and a granddad of 5 grandkids now, and life is good for us.Unfortunaly my ex is very sick with no chance to make Christmas 2015. Now I feel sorry for her and her family, wich I didn't 30 years ago. I wish you a great life and many great new good memories.

 

 

Dutchman 1

 

Dutchman, from a Dutch lady thank you for sharing your experience.

Uw openheid en ervaring is gewaardeerd.

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still_an_Angel

I closed the door on our marital home in 2012. It felt really strange, that its no longer my home after living in it and the house being part of my dreams for my family. But due to the circumstances of our separation, finances, etc which resulted to the sale of our house, it was a relief that I will be free of the mortgage at last. And happy that I no longer have to accept him in a house. I have my own rental place and he has no part in it. It was both a bitter and happy situation, and closing the door closed that chapter of my life.

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^ Bittersweet does seem to be the prevailing vibe I'm getting from these stories. Very understandable.

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I wish you luck, SoulCat. I hope to be in your shoes in a few months, leaving what has been the marital home for four plus years - through some very happy and some very difficult times.

 

I have been living there alone for the past six months. It is going to be extremely emotional when I leave for the last time and go somewhere new. Even though I know it is what is best for me, and I am looking forward to it, I know a few tears will be shed.

 

Good luck to you, and here's to a better future.

 

Thank you for your kind wishes. Let those tears run when your time to 'close the door' comes. They are cathartic I promise.

 

It's a tough journey you are going through. But, you will be a stronger person coming out at the other end.

 

 

I wish you strength.

 

SC

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I "close the door" next week. Been a long 2 years, and with my oldest going to college it will be the end of a lot of things. It's really been hitting me the last week that selling the house really is "it".

 

I've had so many emotions about it, it's tough to deal with. I know it's best for all of us to get a fresh start, but at the end of the day I really wanted to keep it. I haven't fully let go, and hope I'll get there soon, and think this might help. I just can't fathom that a little over 2 years ago everything was so normal, but now totally different set of friends, hobbies, etc and I'm working on being happy.

 

But I do appreciate the post. It's been a good run.

 

Knowing things in your heart and feeling them in that very same heart do -unfortunately- not always line up.

 

I knew full well it was for the best to let go of the house but when I got to the point of saying my final goodbye, my 'feeling' heart was throwing a little fit.

 

I hope next week will go without a hitch for you. Be prepared for some unexpected emotions. But, feel them & let it happen. It's all still part of the healing process I guess.

 

 

I wish you strength.

 

SC

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^ Bittersweet does seem to be the prevailing vibe I'm getting from these stories. Very understandable.

 

Very, very true.

 

For me it was on the one hand 'sweet'; a great life that I have created for myself post break-up.

 

On the other hand, it was cutting the last little thread to my 'old' life, and some hopes & dreams that went with it.

 

 

It's done now, and I am at peace. That's what's most important to me.

Edited by SoulCat
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SoulCat, I can understand. I moved all of my things from my wife's house about a month and a half ago which is where we lived. The memories of being there, taking all of my things out of what I felt was "our house" and knowing I'd never see it again was heartbreaking! Many items evoked memories of things I loved about her, things I did with her and being with my step daughter, and each one got carefully wrapped up and put in a box for storage. When I unpack those items, the memories will unpack with them.

 

It has been a month and a half since I have seen that house and I never will again. The thought is "choking" as you say.

 

Time heals and so do new relationships. You have a new guy to talk to, your lovely kitties and you are moving on stalwartly. You will be okay but it will take time. For now, revel in the arms of your new man and feel loved because that is the best remedy for these blues!

 

All my best! :)

 

Ken

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SoulCat, think of it this way... you've closed one chapter of your life now.. and started a new one.

 

Now time to build new and happier memories! ;)

 

Hey IGU67, nice new handle!! I like it! :D

 

You knew you couldn't keep the other one forever, it was dated. This one can live on and inspire you! I'll warn the ladies! :)

 

Ken

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Today I paid off the bank loan I had to take out to finance my divorce. Solicitors are damn expensive...

 

I paid it off with the proceeds of the sale of the marital home. When all is said & done I won't end up with a lot. That's okay with me. I got to keep my pride and dignity.

 

Onwards and upwards.

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