DeepRegret49 Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Here is alittle background Me and my wife have been living together for 7 years married for two. She had divorce papers drawn up almost two weeks ago. I was completely shocked and overwhelmed. I knew we had are issues but never thought they were that bad until this happened. I still haven't signed the divorce papers yet. I was diagnosed with bipolar several years ago and had several episodes that eroded the trust between me and her. When she told me she wanted a divorce it was like a light bulb went off in my head and I could see clearly now exactly how bad I had treated her and her family I always thought it was everybody else until now. I have promised myself that I will find the right doctor and therapist to get me back to myself. I haven't felt normal like I used to feel in two years I think I was in a bad depression and didn't realize it with a few manic episodes along the way. I went by the other day to get some more of my stuff from the house. She still tells me she loves me and hugs me and even kissed me. She says that we can go ahead and divorce and then work on things. To me that seems backward unless she is just telling me this to get me to sign them. She has a 12 year old son that I love with all my heart he was just like my own. I don't want to abandon him as well. Him and his dad haven't got along and haven't seen each other in over 6 months and I don't want to break his heart anymore. She's been good to let me see him a few times and I am taking both of them out for dinner tomorrow. What should I do should I go ahead and sign the papers and move on or try some how to save this. I know I have to work on myself before I can work on anything else but deeply love this woman with all my heart. Should I continue to see my step son even though its a reminder of what I did have and can't imagine not being there for him. Link to post Share on other sites
LifeNomad Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 you cant force her to do anything man, and she wants to get divorced unfortunately. if you haven't talked to a lawyer please do so, and it is very likely she could be saying that you all can work it out after just so the divorce process goes smooth and fast for her. let her know your getting a lawyer also if you haven't. Bottom line, if she wanted you to be her husband, you would be... Also, don't let her see your hurting Link to post Share on other sites
Leximom15 Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 First get a lawyer. I don't care how much you love her, get a lawyer. It sounds like you've had a lot of health issues and do need to get help and genuinely work at getting better so do that. Let her know you are trying. I also want to include that love true love will not turn it's back on you when you are sick. If there was no physical or mental abuse then she should want to help you not hurt you more. I would have a hard time staying with someone who walked out on me and our marriage when I needed them most. They are cowardly and want the easy way out. I know you aren't perfect. No one is but don't just lie down and let her force you into a divorce nor play with your heart! I'm not sure what she's thinking. Maybe she thinks she's given too much to your problems and it's never about her anymore but marriage is gonna be that way sometimes. She sounds immature in her reality of what love and marriage are. Maybe I'm wrong and I only know one side but I do know that unless I beat my spouse or verbally abuse them I would hope they wouldn't give up on me and if they did then they aren't worth my love! Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 I also want to include that love true love will not turn it's back on you when you are sick. If there was no physical or mental abuse then she should want to help you not hurt you more. I would have a hard time staying with someone who walked out on me and our marriage when I needed them most. They are cowardly and want the easy way out. You might want to spend a few years living with someone dealing with mental illness before you make that call. And with all due respect to the OP, we've only heard his side of the story. His wife's description of "several episodes that eroded the trust between me and her" might be very different... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 (edited) ...should I go ahead and sign the papers... Should I continue to see my step son even though its a reminder of what I did have and can't imagine not being there for him. Seeing your step-son ought to be with HIS best interests as your priority. Ask your stbx if she has thought about what she will want/permit as the 'new normal' for your relationship with your step-son, after the divorce is finalized. If she will want you out of his life then, then it is not in HIS best interest for you to set about establishing any kind of routine or anything else that will promote, encourage develop any deeper emotional attachment. There isn't any reason to not sign the divorce papers. If she is being honest about considering working things out later, then signing now will be part of the foundation of that future reconciliation process. And if she is not being honest about it, then...well, the divorce is still going to happen. May as well come across that you are willing to take into account, and act on, what she wants; trying to be cooperative, avoid disagreements or stalemates even when it's tough, etc. Hugs, and best. Edited May 27, 2015 by Ronni_W Link to post Share on other sites
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