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it's been two months and i can't stop crying


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tryingtomend

I've been married for 9 months and with my husband for five years. I was diagnosed with a chronic illness 6 months ago that turned my life upside down. My husband and I had a hard time paying for medical insurance in the state that I lived, so I moved out of state for cheaper insurance. I'm staying with a family member.

 

He was supposed to follow me with a job in a few months.We had been planning the move for months with me going first. Within a week of me getting here he starts telling me that he is unhappy and that I haven't been taking care of myself and he's tired of dealing with me. The heavy medication that I am on has totally ruined my libido. He told me that if my libido wasn't fixed, if I didn't get a job and start listening to his advice more that he would leave me in a year.

 

He asked me if he could have sex with one of his friends since my libido is challenged. I have always been suspicious of his relationship with that woman but he told me she was just a friend. I never met her that is why I didn't like that relationship. Anyway I almost died of heartbreak. I asked him if he would like it if I did that to him and he said he didn't care. I am broken by this coldness. The fact is my health has been my most important goal and I have been getting up every day and working out, taking medication and trying not to lose faith because I have a serious illness that I have to stay on top of or risk serious harm to my mind and body. He started telling me that he didn't want me to contact him during business hours (he works from home).

 

I'm unemployed. I lost my job a few years ago, I went back to school and then I got this diagnoses and I haven't been able to work or go to school. I am scared financially and I am so heartbroken. I have cried every single day over the last almost two months since he told me he doesn't want to be with me anymore. He has removed his financial support of me even though he knows that I need the help. He tells me I need to focus on getting a job even though I am technically disabled right now. He doesn't care about me anymore and refuses to speak to me on the phone. He told me it's best if we email instead of talk on the phone

 

He told me he wouldn't process with me when I asked to talk to him about why this happened. I feel confused as to why we're breaking up even though he basically blames me for all of it. My family told me they felt like he was being abusive to me by the stories I told them. I've been going to therapy and domestic violence counseling and realizing that he criticized me so intensely. He was never happy with anything that I did. He complained about how he was bored with what I cooked, and I am a good cook! He started little fights with me all of the time. He drove me to my doctors appointments but stayed in the car and wouldn't come in to the office.

 

He just worked and worked and barely looked up for 6 months. I look back on our time together with sadness. I was unhappy but I was committed to working on our relationship. I didn't think that 9 months in was time to throw in the towel, we had a rough start to our marriage but I thought he would be with me through thick and thin. I was so wrong and I am so hurt sometimes I cannot breathe. Has anyone else been through anything like this?! I feel so alone and afraid for the future of my life.

 

I don't know how I'm going to make it through this and if I have the strength to rebuild my life. I feel old I'm 36 years old and I have to start with school at this late date and a divorce. I have lost faith in love and life in general. :(

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tryingtomend

I moved out of state for insurance (newly diagnosed chronic illness) and he was supposed to come with me in a few months and he suddenly starts saying that he can't be with me anymore. He told me he has just suddenly realized that we aren't good for each other.

 

Out of the blue I feel blindsided and heartbroken. I'm currently disabled and unable to work so I'm scared out of my mind financially and away from all my friends and support systems but living with a family member.

 

He blames me for the demise of the relationship and takes no responsibility for our impending divorce. I don't want a divorce even though we didn't have a perfect relationship. I'm so heartbroken I cry every day.

 

By the way we've been together for 5 years and married 9 months. Has anyone else been left suddenly or have words of advice for me? I'm feeling lost.

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spiderowl

I'm really sorry to hear your story. I can appreciate how shocked and scared you must be.

 

Of course we have no knowledge of why your husband came to this conclusion - whether it was just being apart for a while or if he met someone else and that triggered the change in attitude. Regardless, it does sound like he wants a divorce.

 

I don't know much about the set-up where you are with regard to health insurance but you obviously feel in need of more medical help than you were getting in your own state. It is possible your husband can't cope with you being ill. That's pretty awful, I know, but some people just don't cope with their partner being sick. In that case, you are better off without him.

 

I think you need to consult a lawyer as soon as possible, especially if you have joint assets. You need to make sure that your assets are protected while you are away and in this weakened state.

 

Rather than trying to persuade your husband to stay with you, it might be best to just go along with the divorce without explicitly agreeing that it is the right thing to do. There is no point trying to change his mind - if it's going to change, it will only happen if he thinks you are not that bothered about separating. The minute you start pleading or pressurising, he'll just back away and become more determined.

 

I'm really sorry you've been hit by this. Did you not have any inkling at all that he was unhappy?

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Clarence_Boddicker

Couldn't read everything. I get the jist. Sorry you got sick & nothing can be done. Your husband is a POS. Divorce him. Fight for alimony. Get on social security disability. Get yourself mentally & physically stable. Don't rust to find a new guy. Make sure any guy you date respects your condition.

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I'm so sorry for what you're going through this.

 

If I can offer any empathy, my ex of a LTR dumped me more or less because he couldn't handle my very severe depression.

 

This guy does not sound like husband material. He sounds selfish and unsupportive. Honestly you're better off. Take what time you need to take care of yourself and your health. Rely on your family if you can. Having family and friends as support is a godsend.

 

Whenever you're ready to, going to school will help. You will meet new people, even just gaining more friends and it will give you a goal to work towards on your terms.

 

My mom remarried in her late 40s, so take your time to heal from all this, but don't give up on love yet even though that seems impossible now.

 

You're a strong person and you have some big obstacles, but if you get help and support and all, I think you will be okay. It'll be a hard road, but you can do it.

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I'm very sorry for what you're going through. As painful as it is for your husband to leave you, it is better then him staying to mistreat you. You're doing the right thing now by focussing on your health. I hope there are better days ahead for you.

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Michelle ma Belle

I'm sorry for your heart break OP. Hugs to you.

 

I know it's hard to see the light at this moment but TRUST ME when I tell you that you're life will only get better from here on out.

 

As someone who has worked with domestic abuse cases, you can't give up! There is always a silver lining when you're finally free from someone that held you down and back. I know it's hard to see it or even imagine it right now particularly when you're struggling with so much in your life but I've see it happen time and time again.

 

Life doesn't end just because your husband bailed on you in your time of need. That says a lot about his overall character by the way. The best way to start shifting your thinking is getting a journal and making a point of being grateful for three things every night before you go to bed.

 

Honestly, I know it sounds a bit silly but it is POWERFUL. I've done it (and still do it) and it was one of many exercises I did that changed my life for the better.

 

Consider this a HUGE blessing in your life. Grieve if you must but then put it away. Continue your therapy and working on yourself. Concentrate on your health and trust that everything happens for a reason.

 

We all deserve a happy ending. You included.

 

Good luck.

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tryingtomend
I'm really sorry to hear your story. I can appreciate how shocked and scared you must be.

 

I'm really sorry you've been hit by this. Did you not have any inkling at all that he was unhappy?

 

He kept telling me things like "I can't do this" or he would say "Leave me alone". Sometimes he told me that if it was him that was sick he would let me go and he wouldn't require that I stay. He could be mean at times so some of the comments I just let pass by without getting into it. When he said that he would let me go if he was sick, I really didn't get it. I just kept saying I would never leave you.

 

But overall he didn't talk to me about his feelings. He told me he just realized it when I moved that he was unhappy and that if I didn't agree to his ultimatum that he would leave me in a year.

 

The ultimatum was that my libido had to come back (effected by medication), I had to get a job (even though I'm technically disabled), and I needed to listen to him more (which confused me).

 

I couldn't promise that I would be better in a year.

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tryingtomend
I'm sorry for your heart break OP. Hugs to you.

 

I know it's hard to see the light at this moment but TRUST ME when I tell you that you're life will only get better from here on out.

 

As someone who has worked with domestic abuse cases, you can't give up! There is always a silver lining when you're finally free from someone that held you down and back. I know it's hard to see it or even imagine it right now particularly when you're struggling with so much in your life but I've see it happen time and time again.

 

Life doesn't end just because your husband bailed on you in your time of need. That says a lot about his overall character by the way. The best way to start shifting your thinking is getting a journal and making a point of being grateful for three things every night before you go to bed.

 

Honestly, I know it sounds a bit silly but it is POWERFUL. I've done it (and still do it) and it was one of many exercises I did that changed my life for the better.

 

Consider this a HUGE blessing in your life. Grieve if you must but then put it away. Continue your therapy and working on yourself. Concentrate on your health and trust that everything happens for a reason.

 

We all deserve a happy ending. You included.

 

Good luck.

 

I think that is the craziest part for me is that I didn't know that I was in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship. I knew he was critical and very hard on me in little ways but now I realize that what he was doing by raging and being upset all the time was abusive. I have a gratitude journal that I work with. I also journal on a regular basis.

 

I just feel heartbroken and I don't know how to put it away. I don't know how to stop thinking of it all of the time. I have a lot of time on my hands since I'm not working or going to school and it's hurting me I think. I woke up this morning with a heavy heart and most days I dream of him or wake up with him on my mind.

 

The last few months have been so hard. Thank you all for your words of support though. It's nice to be able to reach out and get support like this. This is the first time I've ever interacted with chat boards. The people here have been supportive and kind.

 

I just hope I can put my life back together. I don't want my story to be I got sick and now I'm poor and my life is a tragedy because he left me and I feel like that is what I am facing.

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Michelle ma Belle
I think that is the craziest part for me is that I didn't know that I was in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship. I knew he was critical and very hard on me in little ways but now I realize that what he was doing by raging and being upset all the time was abusive. I have a gratitude journal that I work with. I also journal on a regular basis.

 

I just feel heartbroken and I don't know how to put it away. I don't know how to stop thinking of it all of the time. I have a lot of time on my hands since I'm not working or going to school and it's hurting me I think. I woke up this morning with a heavy heart and most days I dream of him or wake up with him on my mind.

 

The last few months have been so hard. Thank you all for your words of support though. It's nice to be able to reach out and get support like this. This is the first time I've ever interacted with chat boards. The people here have been supportive and kind.

 

I just hope I can put my life back together. I don't want my story to be I got sick and now I'm poor and my life is a tragedy because he left me and I feel like that is what I am facing.

 

Please know that this is all very normal and very much part of the process for healing.

 

Have you considered volunteering at all?

 

If you have a lot of time on your hands perhaps keeping busy by volunteering with an organization that appeals to you might bring you a lot of peace. It takes you out of your own head space and allows you to focus on something or someone else that needs attention.

 

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others" - Ghandi. Yet another favorite quote of mine because it is SO true :)

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10yearsgoneaway

Similar situation here.

 

My ex generally wants to be alone and not in a relationship. I do this, always have but kind of ignored it. So while I didn't see it coming, I knew it was over in his heart and that was that.

 

I had to move out, that meant finding a better/different job, a place, while coping with catastrophic loss and heartache.

 

You will know in your heart if it is really over, though you will try to fight that instinct.

 

I can give these words of encouragement..

I am 2 months out and just starting, and I mean...just starting to be able to breath. I was in a pretty dark place with no hope. But it is getting better.

 

It will get better.

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spiderowl
He kept telling me things like "I can't do this" or he would say "Leave me alone". Sometimes he told me that if it was him that was sick he would let me go and he wouldn't require that I stay. He could be mean at times so some of the comments I just let pass by without getting into it. When he said that he would let me go if he was sick, I really didn't get it. I just kept saying I would never leave you.

 

But overall he didn't talk to me about his feelings. He told me he just realized it when I moved that he was unhappy and that if I didn't agree to his ultimatum that he would leave me in a year.

 

The ultimatum was that my libido had to come back (effected by medication), I had to get a job (even though I'm technically disabled), and I needed to listen to him more (which confused me).

 

I couldn't promise that I would be better in a year.

 

It does sound like he is saying he is not prepared to support a sick partner. While most loving partners probably would, some would start to have doubts if their partner's sex drive disappeared. They would be asking themselves 'how long will it be like this?'. I go on online dating sites and there have been more than a few guys on there who are married but seeking an extramarital relationship because their wife is sick or disabled. I do not say this to hurt you but show it is something that some guys will do if they think their sex life is not going to improve. It sounds like your husband has already decided supporting a sick partner is not for him.

 

I'm really sorry because it's awful to realise that your partner is only a fairweather husband. I would not want him to stay under those circumstances. It may or may not help you to have a think about whether you would be prepared to do the same for him - i.e. support him financially, care for him, and give up on a sex life if necessary. Ask yourself honestly whether you had a good sex life before all this happened, because if you didn't and were avoiding it, he will see your illness as an excuse to cut off that option for good. There is a lot going on here but the bottom line is he is not prepared to support a sick wife. There is no point trying to get him to change his mind but every point in trying to secure your assets now because he is going to renege on his part of the marriage deal.

 

I hope you feel better soon and get some help with your illness. It is possible to cope without a husband, even when disabled.

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tryingtomend
Similar situation here.

 

My ex generally wants to be alone and not in a relationship. I do this, always have but kind of ignored it. So while I didn't see it coming, I knew it was over in his heart and that was that.

 

I had to move out, that meant finding a better/different job, a place, while coping with catastrophic loss and heartache.

 

You will know in your heart if it is really over, though you will try to fight that instinct.

 

I can give these words of encouragement..

I am 2 months out and just starting, and I mean...just starting to be able to breath. I was in a pretty dark place with no hope. But it is getting better.

 

It will get better.

 

Thank you and I'm sorry to hear that you are going through something like I am. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It will get better. I believe that and I look forward to that day.

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tryingtomend

Ask yourself honestly whether you had a good sex life before all this happened, because if you didn't and were avoiding it, he will see your illness as an excuse to cut off that option for good. There is a lot going on here but the bottom line is he is not prepared to support a sick wife. There is no point trying to get him to change his mind but every point in trying to secure your assets now because he is going to renege on his part of the marriage deal.

 

I hope you feel better soon and get some help with your illness. It is possible to cope without a husband, even when disabled.

 

We had a great sex life before I got sick. It was better than great, it was phenomenal. The last six months were hard because of medication. He didn't support me I received disability and have always contributed to my household so he didn't have full financial responsibility for me either. And as far as taking care of me he didn't really participate in any care except dropping me off at doctors appointments. So you're right he was a fair weather husband. When I was doing well I was the queen. And when I needed him he bailed on me.

 

It's painful but it's what I have to deal with so hopefully time will heal all wounds.

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He's selfish and you're better off without him. Watch out. If you get better and do well for yourself he may want to come back and enjoy the fruits of YOUR labor, until it rains then he bails again.

 

I wouldn't ever ask him for help because he would be stone cold.

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I would suggest to not talk about it with him anymore, as you will only push him away. Don't talk about divorce or ask him questions. If he wants to leave let him do his thing. You can't make someone love you if they don't. If he leaves it doesn't mean that you're a bad partner, but him. Stay strong.

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ascendotum

we can't say how how unhappy he was or how maybe your relationship was not ideal, but on a couple of aspects I think its a ****ty stunt to pull by him. A. He is leaving you so soon after marrying you with no blatantly valid reason beyond 'I cant do this anymore', which he really should have considered hard before marrying you. B. He is walking out at a particularly bad time - you are quite ill and you just moved interstate on your own with no job and is dumping you over the phone/email rather than discussing it with you face to face.

 

I would hazard a guess that being on his own he has re-evaluated the relationship and changed his mind. I'd say your chronic health condition would be a big factor and that he worried to be spending the rest of his life taking care of you plus going without sex plus resentment at having to move interstate (leave friends/family/job) because of your health. I'm not going to dismiss that is not being a big deal for anyone, but when I read that things were fine when he promised for better or worse 9 mths ago and is now bailing after just 6 mths of illness I wouldn't blame you for hating him. Hope you get a solution to your illness soon.

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tryingtomend
I'm so sorry for what you're going through this.

 

If I can offer any empathy, my ex of a LTR dumped me more or less because he couldn't handle my very severe depression.

 

This guy does not sound like husband material. He sounds selfish and unsupportive. Honestly you're better off. Take what time you need to take care of yourself and your health. Rely on your family if you can. Having family and friends as support is a godsend.

 

Whenever you're ready to, going to school will help. You will meet new people, even just gaining more friends and it will give you a goal to work towards on your terms.

 

My mom remarried in her late 40s, so take your time to heal from all this, but don't give up on love yet even though that seems impossible now.

 

You're a strong person and you have some big obstacles, but if you get help and support and all, I think you will be okay. It'll be a hard road, but you can do it.

 

I appreciate the support.

 

The idea of going back to school relieves some of the pain. It's a dream that I've had for a long time. It feels like something I could do for myself without him. I need just what you said to meet new people and gain new friends, especially since I'm in a new town and I don't know anyone here.

 

I thought I had his support for this part of my life plan too, but I am starting to realize none of that matters anymore. He is gone. As soon as the time comes for us to divorce that will happen and my major job is making sure that our assets are properly divided up.

 

I don't want to deal with any of the paperwork or lawyers or law clinics (I can't afford to hire a lawyer on my own). But I know I have to stay focused and strong so that he can't take anything away from me. He has already taken so much and I'm working hard to not give up because I feel used and discarded.

 

Thanks for replying to the thread it helps to write my feelings out and know that I am not totally alone. My family is here for me but people get tired of hearing of my heartbreak day in and day out. I can't talk about it enough. My world has turned upside down.

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tryingtomend
Couldn't read everything. I get the jist. Sorry you got sick & nothing can be done. Your husband is a POS. Divorce him. Fight for alimony. Get on social security disability. Get yourself mentally & physically stable. Don't rust to find a new guy. Make sure any guy you date respects your condition.

 

Thank you for your advice. He is a POS and it has taken me being in this situation to realize how much. I realize now that he really didn't love me. I am slowly starting to realize that leaving someone when they are sick and unemployed is like the worst thing you can do to someone. It's cold. In the future I hope that if I have the courage to love again, they will respect my condition and not abandon me.

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tryingtomend
we can't say how how unhappy he was or how maybe your relationship was not ideal, but on a couple of aspects I think its a ****ty stunt to pull by him. A. He is leaving you so soon after marrying you with no blatantly valid reason beyond 'I cant do this anymore', which he really should have considered hard before marrying you. B. He is walking out at a particularly bad time - you are quite ill and you just moved interstate on your own with no job and is dumping you over the phone/email rather than discussing it with you face to face.

 

I would hazard a guess that being on his own he has re-evaluated the relationship and changed his mind. I'd say your chronic health condition would be a big factor and that he worried to be spending the rest of his life taking care of you plus going without sex plus resentment at having to move interstate (leave friends/family/job) because of your health. I'm not going to dismiss that is not being a big deal for anyone, but when I read that things were fine when he promised for better or worse 9 mths ago and is now bailing after just 6 mths of illness I wouldn't blame you for hating him. Hope you get a solution to your illness soon.

 

I am also surprised that he is leaving so soon after we were married and that he is leaving when things are bad for me. It was his idea to move out of state originally he said he hated the town we lived in and wanted a change so it wasn't just because of my illness. I was just going first and trying to save us money.

 

I can't believe he broke up with me via email and phone either. He will not even talk to me on the phone. It's like he can't stand hearing my voice and honestly it hurts to not be able to talk to him or know how he is doing.

 

Even though he totally abandoned me and is treating me like s*** a part of me still really loves him and I feel frustrated because of this feeling of wanting things to work out for us. But they won't work out. It's over. It's just taking my heart some time to catch up to what my mind already knows.

 

As far as hating him I have my moments of deep anger. I feel betrayed and hurt that the man I chose for forever is basically dumping me and going against the vows that he said to me. I guess they were just words to him.

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I appreciate the support.

 

The idea of going back to school relieves some of the pain. It's a dream that I've had for a long time. It feels like something I could do for myself without him. I need just what you said to meet new people and gain new friends, especially since I'm in a new town and I don't know anyone here.

 

I thought I had his support for this part of my life plan too, but I am starting to realize none of that matters anymore. He is gone. As soon as the time comes for us to divorce that will happen and my major job is making sure that our assets are properly divided up.

 

I don't want to deal with any of the paperwork or lawyers or law clinics (I can't afford to hire a lawyer on my own). But I know I have to stay focused and strong so that he can't take anything away from me. He has already taken so much and I'm working hard to not give up because I feel used and discarded.

 

Thanks for replying to the thread it helps to write my feelings out and know that I am not totally alone. My family is here for me but people get tired of hearing of my heartbreak day in and day out. I can't talk about it enough. My world has turned upside down.

Going back to school will be really great and right now it gives you something to look forward to. After break ups/divorces it can be really hard to look to the future, but you're doing that and you should be proud of yourself.

 

You're thinking the right way (what you said about him being gone). You're making your well being the priority, which is what matters now, as you said. Divorces are never fun or easy (my parents split up and parts of it got really messy for them) and dealing with lawyers is awful, but it's kind of ripping off a bandaid, I think. I've never been through one or married, but a family friend I know is going through a rough time and is stagnating in her divorce because she's so overwhelmed with legal stuff and division of things and the logistics of it all. So you're definitely not alone.

 

Hiring lawyers is expensive, and I understand your financial situation as well. I know (at least where, I live in the USA) you can at least get a legal consultation without committing to hiring a lawyer. There's also (legitimate) research on the internet you can do, and plenty of advice on forums from people in similar situations. Even if you aren't in a position to divorce now, those are some steps you can take until you're in a better spot, if those are options for you.

 

And when that time comes, focussing on what you're entitled to and what you deserve will help you through it and then to move passed it once all is said and done.

 

When your physical and mental health allows, meeting new people will help. It may sound kind of dumb, so forgive me if I'm being too bold here, but being in a new place could possibly be an opportunity to start fresh and build new friendships and socialize with new people, again whenever you're ready and able to.

 

I've been moaning about my break up for months to anyone and everyone who will listen, and they're probably all too nice to say that it's driving them nuts! I try to rotate my support. Different days I talk different people, even if it's over text to people who live far away and stuff. I also make sure I take time to hear about their lives and their problems (relationships, work, school, etc.) and offer full support and advice. If that isn't possible for you, keep posting online and getting it out, because keeping it in will drive you bonkers. And the people here are really helpful and kind.

 

In the end, you (and pretty much everybody) deserves someone who isn't going to up and run when things get hard or aren't perfectly idyllic. That's why relationships are so great when they work as a source of mutual support and teamwork for those hard times. So keep posting, taking care of yourself, and focus on your future. Don't rush to find a new partner and be patient with yourself.

 

Sorry if my advice seems cliche or not perfectly helpful. I've been through a break up of a very serious relationship recently, but I've never been married or been through a divorce. I hope I helped at least a little!

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ascendotum

Do you know any of his friends or family well enough to contact them. Since he is not prepared to talk on the phone, I'd reckon it would be okay to contact them and get more info out of them. They probably don't even know, but I don't think you should be shy in letting them all know how devastated you are, and hopefully they will let him know what they think of this/him.

 

Geeze break up with your recently married wife but only communicate via email/txt...you'd think he just discovered you slept with some of his friends and he's to devastated to face/speak to you. More like he knows whats he's doing is bad and can't face you.

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I am 53 my husband left me ill. He has no compassion and was cheating

I know how it feels.I am divorcing and he has to pay alimony and I am also going for disability insurance. You do not want to be with a self centered a-- that cares only about his little head getting touched. Let him go you will find someone genuine out there. Disease and health problems can happen to anyone no one is immune. If you look at statistics lately men are leaving woman ill and more woman stick around to help ill husbands.It is because woman are natural care takers and compassionate. What happened to all the good guys that loved there wife's threw sickness and health? One day it will be familys taken care of each other because the woman will be sick of being the only care takers. Just kidding but it hang in there get rid of the loser you deserve better.

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tryingtomend
Do you know any of his friends or family well enough to contact them. Since he is not prepared to talk on the phone, I'd reckon it would be okay to contact them and get more info out of them. They probably don't even know, but I don't think you should be shy in letting them all know how devastated you are, and hopefully they will let him know what they think of this/him.

 

Geeze break up with your recently married wife but only communicate via email/txt...you'd think he just discovered you slept with some of his friends and he's to devastated to face/speak to you. More like he knows whats he's doing is bad and can't face you.

 

Yeah I feel like he can't face me at all. Just the fact that he doesn't want to hear my voice. I don't understand how we got to this place. I just didn't know the man even though we were together for almost 5 years! What did I miss I wonder. I would call his family but we're not close. He wasn't that close to his family either and I think he's already given everybody the story that I wasn't taking care of myself and was a mess so he had to break it off. That is what he said to me anyway. He told me that I wasn't caring for myself and that if I didn't get it together he would leave me in a year.

 

It wasn't true though. I've been working hard on recovering and I can't even believe that he would say this lie because he knows that I have been working hard on recovering too. When I told him that my doctors are impressed with how I'm doing he just said "well we're not good for each other regardless". And he said it in a tightly edited text.

 

He never told me why we're not good for each other. He just left me hanging and I hurt so bad over this because I have no closure to the relationship.

 

It's all just an excuse I think to leave and not care for me even though I need him. Someone wrote that he is a POS and I have to agree. This is such a cold thing to do to someone, it's like he never loved me. I question that now.

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tryingtomend
I am 53 my husband left me ill. He has no compassion and was cheating

I know how it feels.I am divorcing and he has to pay alimony and I am also going for disability insurance. You do not want to be with a self centered a-- that cares only about his little head getting touched. Let him go you will find someone genuine out there. Disease and health problems can happen to anyone no one is immune. If you look at statistics lately men are leaving woman ill and more woman stick around to help ill husbands.It is because woman are natural care takers and compassionate. What happened to all the good guys that loved there wife's threw sickness and health? One day it will be familys taken care of each other because the woman will be sick of being the only care takers. Just kidding but it hang in there get rid of the loser you deserve better.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through something similar. How long were you and your husband together? I would expect that the longer you are with someone the more painful something like this could be. For me we were only married 9 months but together for five years and I'm so hurt because of what I invested in the relationship. I did everything I knew to do to be a good wife and a good partner to him.

 

He told he he wanted to break up before he became vulnerable to cheating on me so yeah I think this situation was about the libido change too. I just can't believe that he would leave so quickly after that became a reality. It makes me think he would have left me eventually anyway because libido changes are natural in long term relationships as far as I understand.

 

Part of me is worried that he was cheating at least emotionally because he asked me to have sex with one of his friends that he confided in. That hurt me bad. I still don't know what to think of that.

 

My confidence in finding someone who is genuine is low. But I just have to keep believing that this break-up is for the best because anyone who would leave me under these circumstances is really not worth my time like you said.

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