jane ellis Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 My ex-husband and his new wife are perennial camper/drinkers. This last weekend the children were scheduled to join them on a camping trip that had started earlier in the week. My ex-husband, who always texts our just turned sixteen year old son, called him and asked that he and his sister (both minors) buy him liquor and bring it up with them to the campsite. My son immediately began pressuring his older sister to get someone to buy the liquor and then drive it up in her car. My daughter realized that she could lose her license and be charged if caught so refused. Even so my son pressured her further. Fortunately, I figured the situation out and refused to allow my son up to the camp trip as he said he planned on drinking with his father. We have already discovered alcohol in his room previously which he said he took from his Dad's house (forty ouncers and whole cases of beer - how does someone not notice these missing?). I also found texts from his Dad asking our son if he was drunk yet. So my ex-husband knows that our son is drinking. Our son has told our family doctor that his Dad has been giving him hard liquor during visitations since he was 13 years old even though our separation agreement stated he would never give our children liquor or drink in front of them. What should I do about visitation? My son misses his step sister and I don't want to alienate him. But his Dad seems to find his alcohol consumption as a joke. And I also just found out that my son was trying marijuana and e-cigarettes. I am very concerned as I know his Dad has also abused marijuana in the past. Any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Welcome to LS. IMO, no easy answers, presuming in your jurisdiction such activities are illegal. Any change will likely result in you being the 'bad guy' so I guess it's buckle down, figure out the options and execute. Are you willing to involve DFS or whatever the child welfare folks are called in your locale? Any meaningful change will likely involve evidence beyond hearsay and anecdotes so one strategy would be to continue and gather evidence quietly, with the children's safety being the tipping point in that process, meaning err on the side of their safety. From a practical standpoint, if exH is set in his ways, there's little that can be done other than setting a positive example and boundaries when the child is in your custody. From a legal standpoint, a family law attorney can advise. Sometimes it's something one is left hoping and praying their kids get through alive and go on to make healthier decisions. My sympathies. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 My take is neither as eloquent nor as sophisticated as Carhill's. I'd arrange a visit to the local penitentiary so that some hardened intern can read your son the riot act, about the dangers of becoming dependent on stimulants. Or maybe get your friendly local Policeman to have an unofficial word with him... Sometimes, a short sharp shock from an outside source, can be more effective than years of effort on (y)our part as a parent... as for your ex, I'd get a lawyer to draft a letter, with regard to his duty of Care. I really wouldn't give a damn about the disruption it causes, or whose nose it puts out of joint. If your son carries on in this way, and your ex- continues to influence him negatively, I doubt he will be in any mental condition to care very much about his relationship with his step-sister. Link to post Share on other sites
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