chasen_the_cycle Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 Been a month or more since I checked in here as I was traveling for work for the last three weeks, then my W and I went on a vacation cruise. It was so nice to be on a work trip and come home to vacation. The cruise was wonderful, as I expected it would be, other than a couple of small arguments about me being too slow or not matching her outfits. Anyway, back to normal life, and the first day back we fight. Second day we fight. Four days of the last week we've been home, we've had a big argument about something. I am exhausted from all this and completely stressed out. In MC for four months now...nothing seems to be changing. I'm in IC, love it, and I feel like I'm getting somewhere with my feelings. I started keeping a log of arguments to prove to myself how often it happens, and it's even more eye opening than I thought. So...unsure? yep, but I think I know. As Downtown has posted in so many threads, so many wise words about us Caregivers not wanting to leave a spouse suspected of having BPD, I am still struggling with this and the decision that is looming over me. I know what I need to do to be happy, but I am so torn by it because we have good days, and then we have bad days and the decision is SOOOO clear to me on those days. And then there is her son, whom I desperately do not want to hurt. I know he will be okay...he has a loving mother and a a loving father and step mom, so he will be fine, but it hurts me just to think about leaving and not seeing him again...she would never allow if I make this decision to move on with my life. Damn this is hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 If you can't live peaceably together, all you're ever going to get is more heartache. If you've tried everything, you've tried everything... Link to post Share on other sites
LifeNomad Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 taking vacations like that when your relationship is in turmoil is just temporary happiness, like jumpstarting a car with a bad battery, eventually those feelings come back it happened to me too, took a trip, during that time she said it was the best trip we had ever taken and deep down inside I was extremely happy to hear that from her, that same week we got back home is when we did our final split Link to post Share on other sites
annie0677 Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Dear chasen_the_cycle, I am a woman, who was in a married relationship for 7 years until it all fell apart in a very bad state. Don't let things get ugly to that extend. Me and my husband used to argue a lot, then it was silence, for weeks, months and silence was considered normal. I just wanted to say, that sometimes it just won't work. Vacations can make you forget the real life, but we all have to live the real life only. The usual day of waking up, dressing and going to work, and returning back home, having dinner together and sleeping. If regular life together is painful, then its not going to work. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chasen_the_cycle Posted May 22, 2015 Author Share Posted May 22, 2015 I think we are close to having tried everything...I really want to see the counseling through, knowing that it may mean a split is the answer. I went in to MC with a 6 month commitment in my head and we are almost 4 in to it. I agree though...if we can't live together peacefully in real life, it simply will not work. We had an interesting night last night. The day went as it typically does, texting sweet things to each other. Something happens to her on the drive home though and when she gets home (I work from home) the mood is different. Not always bad, but always different than the sweet woman texting me all day. Somethings seems to always go wrong, and in this case it was her son forgetting his marching band shoes at his dads house. That set her off and from that point on it was arguing progressing to an ugly fight. What followed is also typical...a three hour talk about how we I don't communicate and how she over communicates, we are so stressed, how to tone that down, and just generally how in the world do we find a way to live with each other...followed by some cute time, cuddling, and ultimately sex. That was a nice way to "end" the evening, but I think it is masking the issues. This morning, totally normal again...chasen_the_cycle... Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 if you have more in you.. keep going.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chasen_the_cycle Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 if you have more in you.. keep going.. I really thought I did have more in me...but I feel I've reached my limit of the amount of ridiculousness that is my life now. Even on the good days, I am now thinking about leaving. The CONSTANT comments from her are absolutely exhausting. She is stressed, I am stressed, and the cause for each of our stress is each other. Good Lord...the wind blew the curtains a little bit and they don't look right. Guess who's fault that was!!?? Yep, because I had the window open on a beautiful day. So ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 I really thought I did have more in me...but I feel I've reached my limit of the amount of ridiculousness that is my life now. Even on the good days, I am now thinking about leaving. The CONSTANT comments from her are absolutely exhausting. She is stressed, I am stressed, and the cause for each of our stress is each other. Good Lord...the wind blew the curtains a little bit and they don't look right. Guess who's fault that was!!?? Yep, because I had the window open on a beautiful day. So ridiculous. While I wouldn't want to be nagged about curtail position, is it possible that you're over-sensitive and over-react to her comments? Her feedback not exactly an indictment of your self-worth... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author chasen_the_cycle Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 While I wouldn't want to be nagged about curtail position, is it possible that you're over-sensitive and over-react to her comments? Her feedback not exactly an indictment of your self-worth... Mr. Lucky If it were an unusual thing to say, I would absolutely agree with you, but these things are said, and worse things are said, many times a day. I used to think I was over-reacting, now I just see it as a way for her to keep things in control. I didn't need to type that in the post, but it had just happened and was fresh on my mind. You're right, that one thing is not an indictment of my self-worth, and I truly believe she *thinks* she is not doing any harm by constantly making comments the way she does, but I've reached a point where I am just not happy with the way things are on a daily basis, and four months of counseling hasn't made a dent in our relationship. Sad really. Link to post Share on other sites
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