farrah5451 Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 To still attend family get togethers for your ex husband's side of the family? Married 20 years, husband hadan affair for year and left his wife. He is with me. His parents and brother and sister support him. Ive left my husband , I know my ex husband would not go to my brothers birthday week end at a casino. But she is doing that.. this is all new to me, I dont know, id appreciate any feedback thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 Sounds like a real nightmare for the x's and the kids. If my family did that to me after I was betrayed like that I would have less family members in my life. Clay 1 Link to post Share on other sites
velvette Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 (edited) I don't think its normal, but I have seen it before in my husband's family. His brother's first wife shows up for lots of family events. She was very close to my MIL/FIL and is godmother to one of my sister-in-laws children. They don't discourage her. Its never been really clear to me if they encourage her to attend or they just cant tell her not to. It causes a lot of awkwardness and lots of times husbands brother and second wife don't come if they think she will be there. But, its been going on for 15 to 20 years, so if no one puts their foot down, I would say get used to it. Edited May 21, 2015 by velvette 1 Link to post Share on other sites
adna89 Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 To still attend family get togethers for your ex husband's side of the family? Married 20 years, husband hadan affair for year and left his wife. He is with me. His parents and brother and sister support him. Ive left my husband , I know my ex husband would not go to my brothers birthday week end at a casino. But she is doing that.. this is all new to me, I dont know, id appreciate any feedback thanks Yes it is normal,she has been part of their life for 20 years,she is the mother of their grandchildren..she will always be a part of their life since she was a good wife who got left for a mistress..get used to it!! you want her place after 1 month? wont work 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 I think the answer depends a lot on the type of gathering, how often, how many people are involved, etc. If it's a birthday party for someone the ex was close to, then I don't see much of a problem. Or if it's a guys-only or women-only event, not much of a problem. But if it's happening all the time, or if it's things like Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas morning or things like that, then it gets a little weird, IMO. I would have no problem attending a guys-only casino weekend with my STBX brother in law, especially if I knew my wife would be no where in sight. Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 Remember, she is tied by blood. They share children together. My mother, after divorcing my father, still visited and did things, with his mother, my grandmother. They had a connection, and my grandmother helped nurse my mother when she was dieing of cancer. My aunts and others all visited and kept good relations with my mother, and step mother, after dad remarried. This was with my two parents not wanting to be in the same room together, unless they needed too. This went back a generation, as my Grandmother was the second wife, but when she got sick, in the 1920's, my grandfather sent his son, from his 2nd wife, to his first wife who looked after him for 18 months. My father was 3 years at the time. My dad, just knew her as a Aunt, and was very close to her all his life until she pasted. My Dad was a lawyer and when she was being taken advantage of, in later life, Dad went out of his way to help her. We were introduced to her as a aunt as young children, and did not know she was the first wife until later. So...... I think it is what works, and in my grandparents generation, care and protection of children always came first. In my parents case, his family had known my mother sense she was 9 years, and they were not going to give up the relationship. 40434045 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 its a case by case basis 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 It depends. My aunt & uncle have been divorced for 30+ years. He's my father's brother. When they first split, nobody wanted to tell her very religious anti-divorce parents so they made a deal to still spend holidays together. It's odd but it's the dynamic that has always been. His new wife (of now 25+ years) and her new husband of 10 interact with each other. My friend's baby mamma came to all his family stuff because that was the only way his daughter had a ride. Some level of civility is required especially after a marriage of 2 decades. They do share children. Be a gracious person & don't cause a scene. Link to post Share on other sites
starglider Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Has the divorce between him and her been finalized? Does she accept that their marriage is truly over? If not, perhaps she still is behaving as his wife and thinks he will come back to her. Her actions of remaining in the role of wife would make sense from a power/authority point of view if she believes he will still return to the marriage. This would be the case if his transition from her to you has been inconsistent or if she has hopes that they will eventually reconcile. Or, as others have suggested, perhaps she just feels connected to his family after so many years even if she has moved on from being his wife fully. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 To still attend family get togethers for your ex husband's side of the family? Married 20 years, husband hadan affair for year and left his wife. He is with me. His parents and brother and sister support him. Ive left my husband , I know my ex husband would not go to my brothers birthday week end at a casino. But she is doing that.. this is all new to me, I dont know, id appreciate any feedback thanks Farrah, he just left less than two months ago to be with you! And, these are her in laws, grand parents to their children so of course she isn't just going to up and not have anything to do with her in laws. They obviously are OK with this too. Please don't make her out to be the devil here. For all you know she doesn't have parents of her own anymore and she is close to his family. I hope you respect that and don't try to interfere. Link to post Share on other sites
Author farrah5451 Posted May 22, 2015 Author Share Posted May 22, 2015 Thanks, all your responses helped, im good with it Link to post Share on other sites
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