6 months with me, 6 months back home?

[shardy]

Here's the situation. I've been married for 6 years and known my husband for 8. Three years ago, we moved from VA to CT for my job. He quickly found a job, too, but after only 4 months he went into panic mode and began drinking heavily. Full disclosure: When he met he told me he was a recovering alcoholic and then 2 years in he began drinking again. So, like I said he was drinking and made the decision to return to VA. After several months of communicating, we decided to work on our marriage and he returned. He was here for a year and 6 months before he decided once again to return. Now, during the months he was away the first time, he stopped drinking and has not had a drop since.

I do have to say that he does have 2 children back in VA (15 and 13), but since he's been back (left in March) he's only seen them twice. He moved into his parents' house and found a seasonal job that pays well.

Now, the part that sounds crazy to say out loud....again we decided to stay married. His plan is to live in VA for 6 months and then live here in CT with me for 6 months. He's 43 years old....I'm the same age. I cannot leave this job....I don't really want to do this 6 on/6 off plan....but I don't want to lose him either, but I didn't really sign up for this. I obviously can't fight the "my children are in VA" battle (although he could still see them even living in CT--once a month and holidays), but I didn't sign up for this either. I just don't know, can this work?? He's in a rural part of VA and I could never find the same level (or pay) of job there.

[loveboid]

I recently read an article about the new fangled long distance marriage. In this economy it's more common as partners take jobs farther apart. You could look up these articles for some pointers. The main point I recall is that the partners agree it is for a defined period of time until the couple can get more financially stable and be together again.

[2.50 a gallon]

Shardy

 

 

What you describe is not sharing a life. I understand that sometimes one or the other spouses have to be away for great lengths of time, such as a military deployment, working on an oil platform, etc. But those are in the extreme.

It would not work for me.

Yesterday was a typical day. A kiss and a hug when we woke up, another as she left for work at 5:30, another when I met her for lunch, another when I went home, another when she got home. When she hits the door she beelines straight to me, with a "I missed you", even though it has been less than 4 hours. Me firing up the grill, her sitting on the porch reading. Followed by dinner of brats and macaroni salad on our porch, and us talking and laughing. Later some tickling and rubbing her leg before she goes to bed. That's just one of the ingredients that keep a relationship happy and healthy

[Lion Heart]

Sadly M is hardly ever what we signed up for on our Wedding Day. We look forward to bright, happy days but then the "for worse" happens and we question either spouse's commitment to stay in the M.

 

If you do want to stay in this M then loveboid had a good suggestion. I have a number of friends whose Hs work away and I think that's helped them remain M tbh! In fact when one friend's H resigned and got a 9-5 job in the city 1-2h commute away, they've been on the brink of D ever since.

 

I guess you've weighed up the leaving a well paying job to be with H full time. Maybe you feel deep inside that he's a shaky bet because of his alcoholism. IDK it's a risk well worth thinking through thoroughly. I'd give it a bit of time. Maybe one of you will bail because of the set up.

 

Lion Heart.