OriginalName Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 Well....I don't even know what to say. I don't want to write some long winded article on my marriage or why it failed or whatever. I can fill in details if anyone is interested or whatever. I'm just curious how this all goes. This was my first and will be my ONLY marriage after its over, and I don't know how to feel exactly. I'm 37, 2 kids (5 years old), and I haven't wanted to be married to her for a long time really. And it finally came to the point where she filed. I feel relief, but also an overwhelming sense of loss....even though I really don't want to be married anymore. It's an odd juxtaposition really Also, anyone familiar with how long it takes to get served after filing? She filed this week and I just feel like I want to start the process already. I also don't have enough money to live on my own again (and don't want to leave the kids anyway), but living with her is even worse now that she's made it official. I know I'll have to leave eventually but she's dragging her ass with the house buy out. Sorry...just venting I guess. Don't really have any friends or family to bounce stuff off of. Link to post Share on other sites
Decisiontomake Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Hey there. I can't answer your questions re timing but I did want to say that no matter what the circumstance or desire for an M to end, the sense of loss is inevitable and totally normal. One day at a time. Keep posting. We've all been somewhere on the M roller coaster. Link to post Share on other sites
Author OriginalName Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 Thanks for the reply. I definitely plan on continuing to post. It's pretty much all I have right now. Don't have any friends outside of a few acquaintances at work. I work overnights so it gets a little lonely from time to time. Even more so now days Link to post Share on other sites
deg20 Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 I stayed in the house for 2 months after separation. Had no money for an apartment. Broke up April 1st...she wanted me out May 1st...left June 1st. Those were the worst 2 months of my life. I found she was sexting a friend of mine halfway through, and that's where it turned real brutal. I would have left earlier, but couldn't. It's not fun living there when things are dismantling, so try to do what you can to leave when you can... Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 I was elated throughout my divorce. Then the day I had to make a statement in court I almost broke down and got out of there quick. I had so much resentment over the years. Once when I looked at my spouse just before it all became official I had a profound moment of humility that we're both just human with human feelings and failings. It might come as a surprise to you later how gut wrenching it is. Keep reaching out for support. Link to post Share on other sites
Author OriginalName Posted April 15, 2015 Author Share Posted April 15, 2015 I stayed in the house for 2 months after separation. Had no money for an apartment. Broke up April 1st...she wanted me out May 1st...left June 1st. Those were the worst 2 months of my life. I found she was sexting a friend of mine halfway through, and that's where it turned real brutal. I would have left earlier, but couldn't. It's not fun living there when things are dismantling, so try to do what you can to leave when you can... That's the exact position I'm in. She is not doing anything on the side with anyone, and I am absolutely certain of that. But it's just brutal being in a home with someone you know you don't want to be with you anymore. I have no means financially to move out yet. Have to do what I have to do to get out as soon as I can. Sage advice Link to post Share on other sites
Author OriginalName Posted April 15, 2015 Author Share Posted April 15, 2015 I was elated throughout my divorce. Then the day I had to make a statement in court I almost broke down and got out of there quick. I had so much resentment over the years. Once when I looked at my spouse just before it all became official I had a profound moment of humility that we're both just human with human feelings and failings. It might come as a surprise to you later how gut wrenching it is. Keep reaching out for support. Well said. Some days I feel great because I'm going to be happy to move on. Other days I feel the resentment that you speak of. And other days I just feel sorrow and sadness for the change that's going to happen, and how my life will be turned upside down. It's really a roller coaster of emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author OriginalName Posted April 15, 2015 Author Share Posted April 15, 2015 Today is one of those days where I don't feel so bad. I actually feel optimistic about the future and starting over. I know it will be scary, and very difficult to do, but today I'm looking forward to that fresh start. Still living under the same roof with her is difficult though. I don't see her very much, but when I do the interactions are terse and unfriendly. I really need to find a way to financially get out of here. The hardest part about leaving will be seeing my children less. That kills me, but ultimately it will be better for everyone in my opinion. I think I'm going to use this thread as my personal journal. If anyone wants to chime in from time to time, please feel free. I need all the support I can get Link to post Share on other sites
LifeNomad Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 hi original, children are a lot stronger than we think, they will be ok, at first it will hurt more but over time will start feeling normal, what is normal anyways? normal Is what we make, what YOU make, be the best dad ever, see them any chance you can, don't make excuses, make them laugh, make them go back home talking about how much fun they had. FOr me personally, I think it made me a "funner" dad, before I was caught in the routine of taking them to school, picking them up, bring them home, etc, I would take them places like parks or wherever but was usually tired or was just one of those parents that sat on the bench while kids play, now, its diffenret I play with them, I go down the slides, I play tag with them, I try to stay active and do sillyt dumb things to make them laugh even if its in public. Embrace your new life, eat healthier, exercise! one of the best things you can do. Imagine 6 months or a year down the line when your ex sees you looking more fit, looking younger even, but don't do it for her, do it for yourself. You will feel better than you have all these years. The new you is coming soon, start now, start today!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author OriginalName Posted April 16, 2015 Author Share Posted April 16, 2015 hi original, children are a lot stronger than we think, they will be ok, at first it will hurt more but over time will start feeling normal, what is normal anyways? normal Is what we make, what YOU make, be the best dad ever, see them any chance you can, don't make excuses, make them laugh, make them go back home talking about how much fun they had. FOr me personally, I think it made me a "funner" dad, before I was caught in the routine of taking them to school, picking them up, bring them home, etc, I would take them places like parks or wherever but was usually tired or was just one of those parents that sat on the bench while kids play, now, its diffenret I play with them, I go down the slides, I play tag with them, I try to stay active and do sillyt dumb things to make them laugh even if its in public. Embrace your new life, eat healthier, exercise! one of the best things you can do. Imagine 6 months or a year down the line when your ex sees you looking more fit, looking younger even, but don't do it for her, do it for yourself. You will feel better than you have all these years. The new you is coming soon, start now, start today!! Awesome advice. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author OriginalName Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 Been a wide range of emotions in the past week or so. I am having a hard time peacefully coexist thing with her. There are absolutely no physical altercations, but most certainly verbal altercations. Almost daily. It's been a very frustrating time for me. I no longer want to reside here, but I realize that leaving maybe worse as it could be considered abandonment. I guess it's best to just let the legal process take its course before I leave? I know definitively that staying here is just messing with my psyche and creating way more stress than I need at this point. But I guess I don't see any other way. I'm also financially strapped so leaving probably wouldn't even be an option otherwise. How do soon to be ex couples cohabitate under one roof without having issues? I just don't understand. The most difficult part of this is not really having anyone to talk to about this. I have one family member that I would rely on, and that person knows what I am going through, but scarcely makes themselves available. It's truly difficult to mentally deal with this without having someone to even just listen to me when I'm frustrated. I know that it would make me feel better, but it's simply not there. So instead I come to this message board and just ramble on in my own thread about it. I guess it's a bit cathartic for me. Thanks for reading Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 You have to accept the reality of having two (twins?) kids with someone, means you don't get to simply walk away. I worked through things for two years with my ex during separation/divorce because I wanted to assure a smooth transition for my son. His comfort was more important than my discomfort. Put your kids first, focus on them and think long range. This too will pass... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Esraem Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Been a wide range of emotions in the past week or so. I am having a hard time peacefully coexist thing with her. There are absolutely no physical altercations, but most certainly verbal altercations. Almost daily. It's been a very frustrating time for me. I no longer want to reside here, but I realize that leaving maybe worse as it could be considered abandonment. I guess it's best to just let the legal process take its course before I leave? I know definitively that staying here is just messing with my psyche and creating way more stress than I need at this point. But I guess I don't see any other way. I'm also financially strapped so leaving probably wouldn't even be an option otherwise. How do soon to be ex couples cohabitate under one roof without having issues? I just don't understand. The most difficult part of this is not really having anyone to talk to about this. I have one family member that I would rely on, and that person knows what I am going through, but scarcely makes themselves available. It's truly difficult to mentally deal with this without having someone to even just listen to me when I'm frustrated. I know that it would make me feel better, but it's simply not there. So instead I come to this message board and just ramble on in my own thread about it. I guess it's a bit cathartic for me. Thanks for reading I have been having a hard time with the cohabitation as well. Our first hearing is next monday. She has been being more overt with her texting and speaking of the AP. My MIL also friended him on facebook. I am taking it one day at a time as I am still in love with her, but know for her to see her errors, she needs to go and find out the grass isnt greener, how not seeing our daughter everyday will eat at her, and fail. I have been having fun being out of the house, hanging out with friends and all. Again take it one day at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
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