GarrusVakarian Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Bit about my story, almost two years ago I found out my partner of ten years and wife of just over two years had been having an affair with a fifty year old married man. Had been going on for apparently six months. There is an eighteen year age gap between them. Was quite cut up at the time and for a while after. Especially with the way the ex wife behaved, mind games, blaming me for affair and painting me in a bad light to everyone. Not trusting her because of the way I found out. She was more annoyed I found out. She did some pretty crazy things, like prank calling the OM's wife saying her husband was still cheating on her and going to leave her. Booking into local hotels to spend the night with him. She even blamed me by saying I had unresolved issues due to the death of a very young family member that affected our marriage. She is has now been with this old guy since last year apparently. Funniest one was her meeting him on at roadsides on major roads!. My divorce came through in January this year was a huge relief. Luckily I kept the house, cost me a fortune to buy her out. But house has shot up in value since then!. I also got a clean break(consent) order so she cant touch me financially. Luckily I had no kids with her. I have been keeping busy since then, basically going out and having fun, a lot of it!. Meeting new people - women mostly ;-). Did have a mini relationship for a while. But since divorce, the ex wife seems to be rolling out the older man to friends and family. He has kind of been welcomed with open arms by the family and her friends from what I hear. Anyone have any similar experiences with this?. Apparently he is living with her at her mum and dads house. Made me laugh when I found out. Just wonder how long will it last, being that the age gap between them is quite large. Either way anyone else going through the same thing, it does get easier with time. Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Well our stories could be the same except my ex and I were together a few years less and my ex cheated with a much younger guy from her work. She didn't end up staying with him as once I found out and kicked her to the curb she realized he had no money and no prospects so she dumped him and moved on immediately to some other lucky chap who had a bit more cash. Behavior wise though exactly the same. Publicized the new relationship, introduced him to family, friends immediately and made out like a one month rebound relationship was now the love of her life. Also spoke badly about me to others. The family and friends have to be welcoming ... but I mean what else are they going to do. They probably all in private talk about how bat **** crazy she is as well. The real question here though is not about her behavior or what she and her friends and family are doing .... it is actually about yours. Why do you still care what she is doing ? Why do you care if they stay together or not and what her friends and family think of the new guy ? I'll admit I obviously did care with my ex at first - now 12 months on and with divorce finalized I could care less. She has her life which is now not part of mine. I wish her luck. I'm living my own life and enjoying it. If you still care about whether they are together and if you still concern yourself with her affairs then you are really not over her. The key for me knowing when I was finished with my ex ..... was when I became completely indifferent to her. I don't care what or who she is doing. I don't hate her ... I don't love her. Her actions don't affect me any more or cause me emotional pain. I don't really feel anything towards her at all. Complete indifference is really the best way to describe it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 How do you know about this? Why are you still in contact with her friends and family? Now you've got your DA and CO, with no kids, there's no reason you can't NC. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 My story is a little different. I caught her kissing a much younger pretty boy, body builder guard where she worked. Called her every name in the book, and some not in the book in front of her co-workers and told her not to come home. Needing a place to stay she went home and moved in with OM. When she came by, with a olice escort to get her things, she tried to rub salt in the wound, about how great her new lover was. She then proceeded to trash me in front of all of our friends. About 6 weeks later, when out next door neighbor's wife left town to visit her sick mother, the neighbor invited her, her OM and several friends over for a BBQ. She arrived early and came by and asked if she could spend some time with our cats. It was a ploy to once again, try to rub salt in the wound. When she got ready to leave she threw her empty can of pop in the garbage, and upon doing so notice an empty champagne bottle in the trash. And knowing me, she quickly ran to our bedroom and seeing how badly the bed was messed up knew that I had not spent the night alone. It was an instant turn around, on her knees begging for me to take her back, she had made a mistake, crocodile tears. To prove it to me she ran outside and at the top of her lungs let everybody in the neighborhood and the party know what a loser the OM was in bed. Seemed he had taken too many of the wrong drugs to build his muscle, and what little he had he could not get up do to alcohol. I still loved her, but knew the trust was gone, so it hurt worse than d-day to have to tell her we were finished. She did not give up and spent the next 3 - 4 years sending me B-Day and Xmas cards, and trying for a second chance. About 4 years later I got a weird phone call from her. Asking for one last chance. I later found out that she probably remarried the next day. I didn't know or care that she had filed for and had been granted a divorce, saying she did not know where I lived. That was 30 plus years ago, I have since Googled her and found a photo. The years have not been kind to her. She is easily pushing 200 pounds. While the past 20 years I have spent sharing my life with a grand mother of a 20 year old, who is the sweetest most kind giving woman I have ever known. And even at age 60 plus, still has an hour glass figure, long legs, and flat stomach. Eye candy for me, long since retired. Divorce, the best thing that ever happened to me. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 It was an instant turn around, on her knees begging for me to take her back, she had made a mistake, crocodile tears. I still loved her, but knew the trust was gone, so it hurt worse than d-day to have to tell her we were finished. She did not give up and spent the next 3 - 4 years sending me B-Day and Xmas cards, and trying for a second chance. Divorce, the best thing that ever happened to me. Strangely mine is actually quite similar. I went complete no contact for about 4 months but then reconnected with my ex to initiate the divorce proceedings. Very similar to you ... she came asking for me to take her back. She was still with the second guy she got together with a month after our breakup but I got constant messages and emails from her asking if she could come visit me that she missed me and wanted to get back together. She started sending weird messages with pictures of her and our dog regularly. She told me her mum was really sick and she needed my support (I've since found this was made up). All manner of weird and wonderful things to try and see me. Similar sentiment - the trust was completely gone and I told her I was not interested and proceeded with the divorce. She seems to have stopped messaging me at the start of the year when the divorce was being finalized and to my knowledge has stayed with the rebound guy. In terms of the OP something tells me his ex wife with the 50 year old fling is likely to have a similar "moment of clarity" sometime soon and realize what the hell she did. I second your sentiment though - divorce and the breakup was the best thing that ever happened to me. Seriously last 12 months have strangely turned into the best of my entire life Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Yes I agree. It's so important to cut emotional ties after separation & D. When they pop into your head THIS IS THE POINT of stopping your thoughts (no wondering at all). I practised visualising throwing them back over a huge wall. I left my 1st H. But even after 20y he contacted me,, G** knows how he got numbers etc, would've been HOURS of work. But he did. Even after marrying again over 20y ago, plus having many children to this W. I found out very recently he plans on "gate crashing" my HS Reunion this year! He wasn't even in my year. Nor does he live in our state. I will definitely phone his W if this occurs. Plus we won't let him in. My DD faulked him Face-book stalked without my knowledge. When she said "who do you think this is?" I had no idea at all. He was extremely overweight, balding and generally still looked like the selfish man I Dd many years ago. My exWH I also left but after he was unfaithful. We had a DD and he remarried 3y or so later. He was also asking me if we still had a chance and told me he still loved me, not only before his Wedding but even after the birth of his children! I never led him or any other married person on. They just didn't get it. Over, done, kaput. I do know his habits of OW just escalated the whole time. Present W tolerates it very badly but still tolerates it. I guess he got to cake-eat after all. His dream life with a very bad tempered W. And she thought it was ALL MY FAULT he cheated, silly girl. The way she got to stop watching him look at me in a certain way was to never let him do DD pick ups or drop offs. He would phone me lamenting he couldn't see me anymore! Wtf? I wasn't and always told him so. Oh I wish we had had mobile phones back then. When we did I could see he was calling and deny. This was after I'd been remarried for years and had twins to new H. Goodness only knows how present WH will behave later on. If we get to D, then I'll buy the kids a phone and he need never speak to me again. I couldn't stand that behaviour all over again. It's simply crazy. Make up your mind b4 As & OWs FFS. Plus as I had to say to one return exLTR, if you contact me again, I'll phone your W. That's my policy now. I guess my point is this, gone unchecked by their own selves, a cheater has no reason to change. Some people just don't get it and who cares what they're doing and with whom. My bets are laid on that it's VERY similar crazy behaviour and you're welcome to the "prize" I dumped! :-) Lion Heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GarrusVakarian Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 How do you know about this? Why are you still in contact with her friends and family? Now you've got your DA and CO, with no kids, there's no reason you can't NC. Not in contact with any of the friends and family. We live in the same town still. Me in the house and her with her parents. I don't go looking for information. I have seen or spoken to her since February last year. Its a small town and word gets round. Sometimes it gets back to me. I tend to look back at it and her behaviour with a certain amount of amusement. However supposed friends falling for her lies, does sometimes bother me still. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 However supposed friends falling for her lies, does sometimes bother me still. Yes you certainly learn who your friends are. Cut them off too, they are no friends of yours. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 However supposed friends falling for her lies, does sometimes bother me still. Yeah I understand that. When you are together for a long time you have so many mutual friends - the lines become blurred and people tend to choose sides. In the end they will believe what they want to believe. Its tough but at the end of the day I think your true self shines through in your actions not your words. Trying to deny it doesn't achieve a lot just draws attention to it and makes you look guilty. My ex spread quite a few lies about me - some she actually even said some to my face when we started negotiating divorce. None of these were even remotely true but I honestly think she believed these crazy things she made up. At first I felt compelled to expose her cheating as she tried to conceal that to friends and family, then I felt compelled to deny the bad things she said about me. But in the end I did neither. I just walked away said nothing, denied nothing and moved on. Eventually people kind of just realized what happened. She cheated and was then going around bad mouthing me. Meanwhile I never said a single bad word about her - never said a single negative thing. When people asked me what happened I just said you can ask her and if she wants to tell you she can. I really love the quote - Live in such a way that if someone spoke badly of you no one would believe it. Link to post Share on other sites
coryreply Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Hey OP. Glad to hear you are moving on and finding peace. That age difference really is quite bizarre. It's almost comical that a 50 y/o man is leaving with her in her parent's house! Best of luck to you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LifeWasted Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Not in contact with any of the friends and family. We live in the same town still. Me in the house and her with her parents. I don't go looking for information. I have seen or spoken to her since February last year. Its a small town and word gets round. Sometimes it gets back to me. I tend to look back at it and her behaviour with a certain amount of amusement. However supposed friends falling for her lies, does sometimes bother me still. A 50 year old man living with his girlfriend's parents? Yeah he's a winner alright. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 GV, Here's an interesting blog ;- Dear Chump Lady, What happens to couple friends after divorce? - ChumpLady.com And yes, it does get better ! Good luck and stay strong x Link to post Share on other sites
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