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How do you handle the finances while waiting for a divorce? STBXH moved out a couple days ago, and into his parents. I see a lawyer Tuesday, but I have bills that need paid now. I've always taken care of the finances, so he has no idea what needs paid. My current situation is that WE got a little behind because my daughters fathers quit paying child support for the past 2 months. So STBXH got paid Friday, and his entire check went to the house pymt that was due Feb. 1. So here I am with a $280 electric bill dues last Friday, $100 Satellite bill due Mon. and $230 cell phone bill due Mon. The only money is the checking account is his bonus he also got Friday for $1700. But that is his money to use on a lawyer and to save for him to find a place to live. I work part time, but only make $35/week + maybe $20/week in tips. The only other income coming is is my son's SSI which is only $250/ month and I won't receive that until the 1st. And of course by then I will have more bills due. Meanwhile he brings home $650-800/ week dependingg on his overtime which somehow mysteriously stopped this past week. I do have some money that I inherited from my grandparents, but that was money we had set aside to fix up the House. It needs new electric work done, and a million other small repairs. Our plan has been to get it fixed up so in Sept. when our bankruptcies were off our records and we owed 80% of the homes original value, we would refinance to save on the PMI payment and get a way lower interest rate. I obviously still need to do that, but I'm not sure how when I won't be able to get a good paying job, or work full time. So maybe it's not worth it to fix up the house? It just scared me because we were pretty much told the entire house needed gutted and all new wire ran since some lights/outlets work and some dont, and it's all original wire and really old.

 

Anyways, how do I pay my bills right now? We also have our tax refund coming in Wed. Which needs to be used to pay on the credit cards. I just don't know what to do or what to expect from him. I want to just tell him not to worry, I'll take care of it, but I know it's not fair.

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Is the house in both your names and is it owned (vs. rented?)

 

Than he is still responsible for bills, whether or not he has moved out.

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The house is in my name only, and owned.

 

But how long have you been married. And are you in a community property state? He may have rights to some of the assets of the home....

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We have been marred 8 years, we bought this house together almost 10 years ago, it was just on my name only because he owned another home at the time he eventually had to file bankruptcy on. I owe more on the house than what it is worth. Yes we are in a community property state. We also have 2 kids together, one of them being autistic, which is why I cannot work a full time job.

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Then it may not matter that the house is in your name.

 

He will have full rights to 50% of the assets.

 

I know you can't afford it, but you need to start researching some type of lawyer service, especially if you want to keep the house.

 

You are going to need a lawyer to de-tangle the mess, especially the finances....

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I meet with a lawyer Tuesday. I just want my bills paid. The electric is on a budget and it just happens to be our month to pay the differance which is why it's so high. I also have some bills automatically taken out of our checking account next week that I guess I should stop. It just seems unfair. I mean his money is in our joint checking account that I have used to pay our bills for the past 10 years. And since he decides to just move out I now all of a sudden can't pay OUR bills because it's his money? He lived here too, he got us into these bills too. Why does he get to just leave and leave me with all the responsibilities? He's told me I can have the house. But ts a piece of **** house that is literally falling apart. I hate this house, it was his dream bouse.

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$100 Satellite bill due Mon. and $230 cell phone bill due Mon.

 

You may also have to consider getting more realistic about your expenses. A Straight Talk cell phone and OTA TV would save you something close to $300 per month. Cutting back would remove some of your financial stress...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Mr. Lucky has a very good point.

 

With your finances as tight as you describe, maybe it is time to dump the Satellite and get a cheaper phone.

 

People *do* live without television, especially when they need to put food on the table.

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He left 3 days ago, I'm just trying to figure out how to pay what is due right now. I'm fully aware that I need to cut out expenses. I did manage to get my dish bill down to 18.99 +taxes and I downgraded to the lowest level of internet. The cell phones will be trickier since they are in his name and we just signed a contract in August. He wants me to look into seeing how much I need to pay for the ETF so I can disconnect my daughters and my lines. I'm going to see about switching those two numbers to a new plan to avoid the ETF but I owe verizon $80 in my name that is in collections. I'm going to try and take care of that tomorrow. I'm fully aware that we cant live the same lifestyle we had before. In fact what hurts the most is my daughter was asked to play on a travel softball team and we had already agreed. Now I have tell the coaches I can't afford it. Even if there was alot of fundraising and I could send her with other familis for the weekends, she would still need money for hotels and food plus the fact that for me to go get a job, I need to be able to count on her to be home to babysit since I won't be able to afford a babysitter and she's one of the few people I can trust to watch my autistic son. I hate that for her because she has worked really hard to get to this point in softball, and to play at that level would be huge. But I have to cut out what I can and that is not a necessity.

 

As far as other bills go, I just have a house pymt., gas, electric, water, car insurance, life insurance, sattelite, netflix, and cell. I plan to go to my insurance company to see about taking off full coberage and raising my deductible to get that down. I'm hoping my bank will let me skip a payment on my mortgage to get caught up, but there's just not much more to cut out. We are eating cheap meals this week, and I had a gift card to fill my gas tank up, so I'm good there. Oh and I will quit smoking once I'm done with what I have. I have an ecig that I haven't used for a while, so I will use that until I can quit. Thankfully II'm just getting over strep throat and a sinus infection, so I really haven't wanted a cigarette anyways.

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The only money is the checking account is his bonus he also got Friday for $1700. But that is his money to use on a lawyer and to save for him to find a place to live.

No, it's not. Housing and feeding the child is the priority, which means the bills must be paid. Lawyers and new houses can wait.

 

After that, make sure to give the lawyer all these details on Tuesday, and take advice from there.

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DivorcedDad123

Lucky for you he broke the cardinal rule and moved out on his own accord. Most likely,he'll be the one still paying the mortgage,utilities,child support,alimony,etc.,, while the divorce process is proceeding.

You need to have your attorney ask that this be included in the temp orders when you talk to them. Take your income tax info and last two pay stubs with you. Also,take your mortgage bill,utility bill,satellite bill,water,etc.,,

This way you can show the judge what the payments are and what your income is. The income tax info is to show his earning potential as well.

He'll be lucky to afford an attorney.

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Most likely,he'll be the one still paying the mortgage,utilities,child support,alimony,etc.,, while the divorce process is proceeding.

 

He may be the one required to pay but whether he makes good on that obligation in real time is often another story...

 

Mr. Lucky

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DivorcedDad123

"He may be the one required to pay but whether he makes good on that obligation in real time is often another story..."

 

Wage garnishment/tax refund garnishment is a big motivator,coupled with jail time for contempt if the judge requires him to keep these payments up.In fact,she'd be completely within her rights to take his bonus money out of the joint checking account and pay the bills.No judge is going to say anything if she does it and pays the utilities,etc.,,with kids in the house.

 

I'm assuming the autistic son is his?

 

" Meanwhile he brings home $650-800/ week dependingg on his overtime which somehow mysteriously stopped this past week. "

 

^^^ This is where those income tax records come in handy, if he's trying to cut back on OT during the divorce to reduce child support.

 

OP,talk to a good attorney. I bet he/she will tell you that you and the kids shouldn't have to give up anything because your spouse left the home. That was his choice.

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He left because I told him either he leaves or I would. He wanted to stay until the divorce was final, but I knew I couldn't handle it. We can't be nice to each other right now and it just wasn't good for anyone. Plus I was tired of sleeping on the couch and taking care of cleaning/cooking for him. I'm not trying to screw him over. I just don't think it's fair that he thought he could just move out and leave me with the bills WE got behind on. Our tax refund comes tomorrow and I'm really not sure how to handle that. Thankfully I meet with the lawyer tomorrow, but I guess he's meeting with one now too. I don't want to get screwed either. I had to give notice at my job today, I talked to my boss, his brother, and just told him that as much as I need to work, I just can't work for his family. I get to work with his father Thursday and it makes me sick to even think of it. We had all gotten really close and there is no telling how much he now hates me. It just sucks because they brought me into their business as a manager of sorts and I was helping them with so much and things were picking up and I love it. But I make $5/hour and in the 5 hours I worked today I made $2.75 in tips. Not even worth it really, at lough some money is better than none. I was doing that to help them out. They report more tips then I make, but I was helping out family and was working on making the place busier so I could earn more. It was okay when I didn't actually NEED the mo ey to feed my kids. I just feel like a failure because now I'm an unemployed single mother who will have to turn to welfare. I can't just go find another job because I need flexibility with my kids. If my autistic son is having a bad day, I have to be there for him. He's been sent home from school 2 times in the past month, and I've kept him home 5-6 times because I knew he couldn't handle school that day. He's had a cold/sinus issue going on for a month now, so he sometimes has a hard dealing with it. Him just having chapped lips could send him into a complete meltdown.

 

I'm just torn on how to go about this because I don't want to be the one who screws him over, I just want to be fair and for my kids to have a roof over their heads and food to eat. But I'm not going to let him walk all over me either. I "think" we can agree on most tbings, but I have a hard time trusting him also.

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What state are you in?

 

There are many programs for the autistic that will help you get caretakers and aides. My husband's eldest son is severely autistic and can't attend school without someone being with him all day long. The program even pays for a taxi to pick him and and bring him home because he can't handle school buses. My husband's son will even get a stipend - and probably housing - when he turns 18 because he will never be able to live by himself.

 

It might be worth investigating with his school's administrative office for such programs.

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I do have to add that he actually sent my 8 year old home yesterday and told him that maybe if he shoveled the sidewalks for me I would give him $10 so he could buy the video game he wants. That just infuriates me on so many levels. I guess he thinks since I took my daughter shopping for a dress for her school dance that I have extra money. But that was money WE had set aside for her dress, plus it was the first night without my boys and I just wanted to spend some time with my daughter since we never have time alone. Grrrrr.....

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We are in Indiana. As far as I know I can get respite care for my son, but it can't be used for me to go to work. I do need to look into it more now. Thanks for the reminder.

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Summary: Kept joint account until we sold the house, no spending over $100 without discussion with other person, worked out well.

 

 

My divorce was pretty amicable and until we sold the house (3-4 months into the divorce), I was with my parents, we split the kids half the time and she lived in our house. We literally split finances until we sold the house and then divided everything 50/50. Neither of us could afford the $4,500 mortgage, $2,500 for daycare, etc. on our own so we just kept everything together.

 

We simply made a pact to not spend frivolously and had to agree to talk to the other person if we needed to buy something more than $100 (other than necessities).

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You may also have to consider getting more realistic about your expenses. A Straight Talk cell phone and OTA TV would save you something close to $300 per month. Cutting back would remove some of your financial stress...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I also wanted to draw attention to this.

 

The house is in bad condition and you have a 100$ satellite bill ?; 200+ on phone ?

 

Also, are the electric repairs mandatory ?

Can you live without them ?

The reason i'm asking is that they don't sound critical.

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I'm not sure if the electrical is critical or not. We have random lights/outlets that have quit working over the years, and have been told it is some kind of really old wiring. The last guy that looked said it would be easier to gut the entire house and run new wiring completely. I guess also instead of putting each room on its own breaker, the majority of the house is all on one. And rooms are tied together in an unknown amount of junction boxes. We also have old plaster walls which makes it that much more fun. After that is fixed, the house needs painted. Our son has drawn on Every wall/floor/cabinet. We also have had issues with our son urinating in corners/floors. He went through a stage where he just didn't care where he was. So his room is a huge disaster. I'm not even sure how to get the smell out of the walls/floors because I have tried everything As far as cleaning, my next resort is to tear it out or try to primer over it. We had money that I inherited that was intended to be used to get the house back into shape. We aged we let it get to a point that it was unacceptable and we both thought that maybe if we changed how we lived we could be happier. That somehow turned into me trying to figure everything out and him disagreeing with every paint/curtain/blind choice I made. Yet he wouldn't even begin to help make a decision, just argue with mine. Please instead of judging me, remember that you don't live in my house. Someday it was just easier to let my son draw on the walls instead of facing a 2 hour meltdown. Once he had drawn enough jt didn't really didn't matter much anyways. We have since broke him of that habit for the most part, and my plan was to put butcher paper around the walls in his room to draw on and change it out every few weeks so he has a place if he gets the urge to draw on the wall. The entire idea of this was to get the house in shape so we could re finance in the fall. I now have my sisters fiance coming over to see what really needs to be done and what doesnt. I should have had him come look at it the first time but STBXH didn't like the idea of my family helping us. In fact last spring I was having a hard time with our son sneaking out of the house and running away to play in the river. I tried everything as far as locks inside the house, we have alarms on the doors. I finally asked my sisters fiance to come put up a privacy fence in the back yard so I could padlock it to keep him from running away. We got the fence put up in one day with absolutely no help from STBXH because he was upset I asked my family for help plus he wanted the expensive vinyl fencing and I went with wood instead since it was cheaper and was available. And it has helped so much with our son ot. Eing able to run. Not only can I lock him in the fence but since he can't see outside the yard, he doesn't get the urges anymore.

 

So yeah. I'm sure our finances could have been handled better. He liked to spend money and I just got tired of arguing. He felt that because he worked hard, he deserved things. And since I dI don't work it was kinds hard to tell him no. Plus alot of our credit card debt is from my daughter playing travel softball/basketball. Alot of times we had to put hotels/food/gas/equipment on a card because we couldn't afford it at the time. She was actually asked to play on a new team this year, and we at first said yes because this is a huge opportunity for her and we agreed that we would do everything we could to make it work. Well one I have until Thurs to figure out how to pay for it and I don't think I will be able to it. We fought about it last night but I told him that at this point softball has to be the last thing I worry about. It's unfortunate that the decision for her to play or not has to made right now, but that's th hand I've been dealt. I can't commit her to a team when I don't know how I'm going to pay my bills next month. He thinks I'm overreacting and trying to play the poor me card. He just doesn't understand finances. He literally has no clue about any of our bills, taxes, insrance, nothing. I've always taken care of it all and he would never help. Guess the divorce will be just like the marriage, in that I will take care of everything and he will just show up.

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Well lawyer was a waste of time. She wanted a $2000 retainer, which I obviously don't have. She couldn't answer any questions about my finances until I pay her either. Just gave me basic generic answers pretty much saying pay me and I'll help you. Which I get, I was just hoping for more. So after my appt. STBXH text me to see how it went and I told him the price and he suggested we just file on our own. He was also on his way to meet with a lawyer and said he would just go to listen and let me know. So late last night, guarantee he was at the bar drinking, he tells me he took $900 out of the account to pay his lawyer. I asked if he filed and he said no, he said the lawyer told him if we agree we can save money and it will only cost him $1000. So I told him to go ahead and file and I would figure something out. He wanted to set up a time today to talk. I told him I have alot to do so I would let him know. I need to call my dr. asap because I've been having chest pain which I'm sure is anxiety, but I still need to go since I'll be losing my insurance soon too. He never replied back after that.

 

Our tax refund was deposited today. I planned on going and opening a checking account in my name only today. Should I withdrawal half of the refund before he finds out it is there? We also owe State $300, should I pay that so it's done? I just want to get things taken care off as soon as I can. I hate having to ask him for anhthing. Like the kids need lunch money and I have no cash, I had to ask him if I could write 2 checks for $3 each. Which turned into an argument and I finally said forget it, I'll go in the school tomorrow and apply for free lunches, I was just wanting to put that off until next week since I have 18377 other things that come first. Plus I'm just out right embarrassed.

 

So I guess my plan is too open a checking account, take out the $$ to pay our state taxes, split the remainder in half, deposit that, pay all my bills for the next month, and start looking into welfare. I need to go to the school, file for food stamps/medicaid, call SSI about our changed situation, go to see how to lower my car jnsurance, and go to the outhouse to see what I can do about my daughters dad not paying his support. Oh and get into the dr somewhere in there. Fun day!

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ASDot... you need to tread very carefully here. And you need to understand something about lawyers.

 

They do not represent you as a couple! His lawyer is representing him alone. His lawyer will do what is in his best interests, not yours, and not joint best interests (if there is such a thing). Often in divorce - obviously - what is in one person's interests is against the other's. His lawyer represents him and has a legal obligation to get the best outcome for his client, which is him. Not you. He has already taken $900 out of the account for his own purposes whereas you still have nobody representing you, and have bills to pay.

 

It sounds as though the lawyer you saw was not very helpful. If I were you I'd see another. As with buying a house or picking a carpet, the first one you look at is not always the best. Many will do a truly free initial consultation, in which you can get a lot of extremely useful advice. I had 3 free half-hour consultations when I was divorcing, and not once did they mention any kind of retainer or paying. They just gave me a shed load of really useful advice, and gave me their card if I wanted to use their services on a paid basis. All lawyers are not equal.

 

As for the tax refund in the joint account. Yes your plan sounds good. First take $900 into your sole account, since he has already taken $900 for himself to get the lawyer. That's only fair. Then pay off all joint bills (ie. state tax, credit cards, old debts, interest, mortgage etc) from what's left in the joint account. Then take half of what is left and put it in a sole account in your name only. Use this to pay any sole bills that you alone have (for example your mobile phone bill). Anything that is joint (kids stuff etc), use the joint account.

 

And yes get your claim for child support in ASAP.

Edited by PegNosePete
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