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Trying to understand normal divorced parents behavior ... And yes, I'm aware that I have other fish to fry first....

 

If you live more than 2 hours away from your child... But you want to spend time with them... Is it appropriate to offer to care for the child when the home parent has to travel out of town for work?

 

I would have to stay in a hotel etc with the child, but is that normal and reasonable? My ex BF had issues with that and my desire to help... Saying I was just "baling him out" so I was wondering the thoughts on this....

 

And also, if I am visiting the child ... And the home parent is GONE... Is it appropriate for me to play a video game etc in his room with him ? Again, considering I don't have a home (yet) in his city.

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Considering your back and forth with WhackJob, is it possible your ex doesn't want you taking care of your son while he's away because he fears you'll flake out...again...and abandon your son for WhackJob or allow him..a dangerously mentally ill man... come around?

 

It would be a reasonable fear. Parents protect their children. You just last week had to hide out at ex-husbands place and file a police report due to WhackJob stalking you. If you can't get your sh*t straight and protect yourself, how can your ex believe you'll have the spine and judgement to protect your son?

 

If it was my ex in your situation wanting to take my kids while I way away on business I'd say a big "Hell, no!"

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No this is actually my ex husband asking me to take care of my son. My point is my ex boyfriend at the time, felt that was unreasonable. That my ex husband should not be leaning on me .. Since, at the time, I was living 3 hours alway.

 

So I was looking at it from the standpoint of normal divorce behavior. Was I crossing boundaries w my ex husband by wanting to help?

 

Would that be a problem in normal relationships... Post divorce?

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I'd actually be nervous how your next BF might influence you. If your last got you to the point of not taking care of your own flesh and blood, what next? There are enough cases of mothers already doing nothing against their kids being molested by their pedophile partners. :confused:

 

Beside worrying about things like that - why would it be unreasonable for you to take care of your child? Do you have a good relationship with him/her?

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I think my last BF had major jealousy issues, but he said I was becoming my ex husband's bit@h... Because I lived 3 hours away and I shouldn't jump to take care of my son... When he's in a pinch. He said that I was not respecting our relationship and allowing my ex husband to "win".... By being his safe fall back when he has a business trip etc.

 

For example, I'm in the same town now and he asked me to take my son to school this am. He had a business meeting. He left as I drove up and it required me getting my son out of bed ... Dressed and then to school. In his home. He had left.

 

 

My ex BF would have had a fit over that.... Saying I should not be in his home. Even when he's not there. My son is 9...

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Your "ex" BF is a psycho. A complete nut job for thinking that any kind of interaction you have with your son, or help you provide to your ex husband as it relates to the care of your son is off limits. I can't even believe you had to ask this question after all the input you had on your other post. The man is a whack job. When are you going to realize that?

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No I understand that. My question really comes down to the circumstances. He made me feel as if I was causing trust issues for being inside my son's home ... And I wanted to understand if there was ANY truth to that ... For my future

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No, a "normal" man should have no trust issues with you spending time with your son, wherever that may be - or assisting your exH if he needs help with your son. Now if you were over at your exH's home every night, that is another story and perhaps would cause trust issues. There is nothing "normal" about your BF or his behavior.

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So most people would not have a problem with a mom going into her son's home (if she doesn't have her own place in town yet) ...for short visits. Especially when the ex is not present in the house?

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Correct - most people do not have a problem figuring out the best way for an absent parent to spend time with their children.

 

That your ExBF (is he truly your Ex or are you still communicating with him!?!?) wanted to control that should have been one of the very prominent Red Flags to warn you that it was a BAD, BAD relationship.

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So most people would not have a problem with a mom going into her son's home (if she doesn't have her own place in town yet) ...for short visits. Especially when the ex is not present in the house?

 

No, most people would not have a problem with that. Good men do not try to keep their girlfriends away from their children.

 

Did you give up on the restraining order? This man you are obsessed with is not a healthy person for you to be around.

 

I don't see how you haven't completely lost your shet after being followed by a P.I.

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Correct - most people do not have a problem figuring out the best way for an absent parent to spend time with their children.

 

And most people also would be absolutely unconcerned about input or the thoughts of someone who obviously has so little regard for your child...

 

Mr. Lucky

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well, that's a fair assessment -- but I believe the biggest contributing factor is that I have been the breadwinner in the family -- and post divorce -- it got even worse when I was unable to spend much time with my son because I was working so much.....

 

 

Now, my divorce decree allowed ME to choose where my son moves to...and I was planning on moving my son -- to my BF's city. When my ex husband got wind -- he ran and got family money and hired a big attorney to try and stop me. He succeeded by having the divorce opened up under what's called a "bill of review"

 

 

Now -- my son must stay put -- and that caused trouble because I had planned to move .... WITH my son. When it was proven that couldn't happen -- at least not now -- it changed the dynamics with my (ex) BF. He got very angry that my ex was pulling this and he felt that my EX had won ...and was trying to break us up. So, he was very much against me going to visit my son ALONE -- thinking that my ex would try to get me back etc. He didn't ever want me alone in the same room with my ex husband and certainly didn't want any "family time" with out him around....

 

 

He even felt it was inappropriate on Christmas day -- for me to have cake with my son -- after he opened his presents. This was mainly because my (ex) BF was not present.

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You keep posting these things and then question the veracity of the ExBF when it is obvious to EVERYONE else that he is nutsy-koo-koo...

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No I understand that. My question really comes down to the circumstances. He made me feel as if I was causing trust issues for being inside my son's home ... And I wanted to understand if there was ANY truth to that ... For my future

 

No issue. All it means is, you and your exH have a respect for one another and trust that you can stay at his place while he's away and look after your son there. Not a big deal at all, especially since the distance thing is a factor. It would be weird to stay in a hotel, when you have an empty home, your son's home, to go to.

 

IGNORE your ex BF, what he thinks or feels now doesn't matter at all.

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Did you seriously expect to abandon your son, get involved with a dangerously insane threatening man, and that your exhusband wouldn't be able to go back to court and win?

 

You were warned on the other forum that failure n your part would result in just that very outcome and you did not listen.

 

No, I don't think asking you to care for your son was unreasonable. I do think letting you anywhere near him while you refuse to block WhackJob and get a restraining order against him is incredibly stupid, though.

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Trying to understand normal divorced parents behavior ... And yes, I'm aware that I have other fish to fry first....

 

If you live more than 2 hours away from your child... But you want to spend time with them... Is it appropriate to offer to care for the child when the home parent has to travel out of town for work?

 

I would have to stay in a hotel etc with the child, but is that normal and reasonable? My ex BF had issues with that and my desire to help... Saying I was just "baling him out" so I was wondering the thoughts on this....

 

And also, if I am visiting the child ... And the home parent is GONE... Is it appropriate for me to play a video game etc in his room with him ? Again, considering I don't have a home (yet) in his city.

 

I'm not a divorced parent but have plenty of friends who are and I don't think it's at all inappropriate to offer to care for your own child when your ex cannot. It's normal. Most divorced parents work these things out so that the child/children don't suffer any more than they have to and know they have two parents who care about them.

 

Why would it be inappropriate to play a video game with your own child in his room? I don't actually understand this question. You are spending time with your child - you do the things parents do with their child, like playing games, taking them places, generally interacting with them. If your ex is fine with you being in your son's home with him in the first place why would this be a problem?

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Now, my divorce decree allowed ME to choose where my son moves to...and I was planning on moving my son -- to my BF's city.

 

Is anyone involved thinking about what might be best for the child?

 

Ignored by you while you "work so much" - not good

 

Taken away from his Dad while you move to BF's city - not good

 

Perhaps your son needs his own attorney :confused: ???

 

Mr. Lucky

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Well I am fine with caring for my son in his house but my ex BF said that I should never go inside his house and definitely not spend any time there.

 

So I was just curious if I was in the wrong....

 

I also heard from my EX BF that since I was sending him a cease and Decist he had contacted a criminal attorney and had intense background checks and computer monitoring done on my ex husband because be wanted to have leverage against me.

 

I'm not a divorced parent but have plenty of friends who are and I don't think it's at all inappropriate to offer to care for your own child when your ex cannot. It's normal. Most divorced parents work these things out so that the child/children don't suffer any more than they have to and know they have two parents who care about them.

 

Why would it be inappropriate to play a video game with your own child in his room? I don't actually understand this question. You are spending time with your child - you do the things parents do with their child, like playing games, taking them places, generally interacting with them. If your ex is fine with you being in your son's home with him in the first place why would this be a problem?

Edited by me2me2
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I also heard from my EX BF that since I was sending him a cease and Decist he had contacted a criminal attorney and had intense background checks and computer monitoring done on my ex husband because be wanted to have leverage against me.

 

You owe you child a respite from all this drama.

 

Your priority should be hands-on involvement in his life that allows you to fulfill the commitment you made when you brought him into this world. You'll need to live near him in your own place where you can provide a stable and nurturing environment. Most of the recent actions you've taken and decisions you've made have taken you further from this responsibility.

 

There's plenty of time to resume your love life when he's older. Right now, he needs 100% of your attention...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Where are your thoughts, opinions, standards and goals in all of this?

 

When asked, you keep bringing up what exBF, exH, male roommate, therapist, etc think, say, do… but they’re not you.

 

They've each given you information and opinions, and you know that they each have their own views and goals- what they want, not what's best for you.

 

You know all you need to know... so what do YOU think should be done? I bet that it would be a huge relief to end the input from all of them, and to make a solid decision and move forward to live it.

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