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Is something wrong with me?


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Or am I just super lucky...

 

I've posted here, long ago. My Divorce was horrid. I was suicidal, totally gave up on life, wanted nothing more than to disappear and let life without me just become the norm.

 

Month 1: disaster.. my wife left me for an ex-boyfriend she found on Facebook after 10+ years of marriage. Suicidal thoughts, grasping at straws to survive. Focusing on my (perfect) little daughter.

 

Month 2: still crying. Feeling stronger at night, but sleep filled with horrid dreams, waking with tears in my eyes. Learning to do things on my own. Able to function at work slightly better.

 

Month 3: Fog lifts slowly over this month. Still journaling nightly, entries include more than just a thankfulness for my daughter... including home, family, friends. Eyes begin to open to the fact that I am not alone... women find me attractive and appreciate me... (Woah! Didn't notice the whole time I was married that was the case)

 

Month 4: Feel like a champ! Have a new girlfriend! Experiencing new things! The whole divorce ongoing issues are happening but they seem to be red tape BS background noise...

 

Spent a lot of time working out, cleaning my home and removing the 'ex'cess and I came out stronger and perfectly capable of living MY life. Had a 1 1/2 year relationship with a great younger woman, which ended well and on good terms.

 

So I ask again, is there something wrong with me? Am I going to crash and burn? After reading more posts that have gone on even long than my original posts, it seems that maybe I skipped over dealing with some things... or.. I got lucky.

 

I hope for everyone that finds thier way here can slog through the morass that is seperation and divorce. I found a great deal of comfort here and hope you do to!

 

Love,

WD

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I think you are probably just now getting the life you deserve.

 

 

I am a BS in the middle of getting a divorce also. Similar story...10 years of marriage...WW hooked up with old boyfriend.

 

 

In my case it took about six months to fall out of love with my WW after DDay. It basically took that long for the marriage fog to get worn away (felt like it was happening with coarse sandpaper!) I was gradually able to see my WW objectively and listen to what my friends were telling me. Bottom line is that she was no longer the person I thought I had married. Perhaps she never was.

 

 

I am happy that you have a new girlfriend and hope to be in a similar place as you in another year.

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Not everyone has the same timeline for mourning, so I would not say that there is anything wrong with anyone based solely on how quick or slowly they get over things. My first few months have progressed in similar fashion (now maybe I'll meet a new younger girlfriend next month?) :)

 

That said, if you truly think there are unresolved issues, maybe it would help to talk to a counselor a bit and explore that question? That would be better than crashing down the road.

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DivorcedDad123

Nothing wrong with you. I went through similar. You're appreciating what you missed out on by being with the wrong person. You've found that you have value that others appreciate.

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Or am I just super lucky...

 

I've posted here, long ago. My Divorce was horrid. I was suicidal, totally gave up on life, wanted nothing more than to disappear and let life without me just become the norm.

 

Month 1: disaster.. my wife left me for an ex-boyfriend she found on Facebook after 10+ years of marriage. Suicidal thoughts, grasping at straws to survive. Focusing on my (perfect) little daughter.

 

Month 2: still crying. Feeling stronger at night, but sleep filled with horrid dreams, waking with tears in my eyes. Learning to do things on my own. Able to function at work slightly better.

 

Month 3: Fog lifts slowly over this month. Still journaling nightly, entries include more than just a thankfulness for my daughter... including home, family, friends. Eyes begin to open to the fact that I am not alone... women find me attractive and appreciate me... (Woah! Didn't notice the whole time I was married that was the case)

 

Month 4: Feel like a champ! Have a new girlfriend! Experiencing new things! The whole divorce ongoing issues are happening but they seem to be red tape BS background noise...

 

Spent a lot of time working out, cleaning my home and removing the 'ex'cess and I came out stronger and perfectly capable of living MY life. Had a 1 1/2 year relationship with a great younger woman, which ended well and on good terms.

 

So I ask again, is there something wrong with me? Am I going to crash and burn? After reading more posts that have gone on even long than my original posts, it seems that maybe I skipped over dealing with some things... or.. I got lucky.

 

I hope for everyone that finds thier way here can slog through the morass that is seperation and divorce. I found a great deal of comfort here and hope you do to!

 

Love,

WD

 

Sounds like you did all the right things, including having that first "rebound" relationship, which in your case sounds like a valuable, not hurtful one. You did much better than most people do in your situation. Confidence is a huge part of moving on and you seem to have done that part and sound ready to have a satisfying life. Good luck.

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Spent a lot of time working out, cleaning my home and removing the 'ex'cess and I came out stronger and perfectly capable of living MY life. Had a 1 1/2 year relationship with a great younger woman, which ended well and on good terms.

 

That is proof that you have gained the ability to judge people and relationships objectively. That's amazing.

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Thanks all, I still get a bit melancholy from time to time, but not so much about who I was with, but more about what I thought I had. I miss comming home to soneone, but I also appreciate having my own space and my own life to live how I want, when I want. My only regret is less time spent with my daughter.

 

Best thing I did in my process was read here and blog here almost daily. Love this place!

 

WD

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2.50 a gallon

SD

 

 

No you are not crazy!

My story is similar to yours, except no kids and the marriage only lasted 6 months, after living together for a couple of years. Upon the break up I fell into a deep dark bottomless pit, no hope, no joy, and in fact I wondered whether several years down the road I might once again be able to laugh again.

I got lucky as within about a month this pretty face looked down at me and asked me if I wanted to come out and play. In a flash I was once again flying with the eagles.

After that my sex life took off again. But after being betrayed I resolved to never let love back into my life. The pain of it falling apart was just too much.

As you, I discovered that I liked living alone. The world was full of beautiful women. I could do what I wanted, with whom ever I wanted, when ever I wanted, with out having to answer to anybody.

Over the next decade and a half I had some great adventures. Including a very hot, she worked out, buns of steel, 28 year old multi millionaires daughter at age 45. She herself was worth millions. Too rich for my blood, I ended up running away, when I almost bit on an a two week trip to Tahiti to go scuba diving.

At age 49, she 41, second date, first kiss, and I was a goner. Lucky for me she feels the same and we have been together for coming up on 20 years.

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NOHOPE-LEFT-HERE

i think you are clear of the fog and are well on your way to a new future

 

from the message you sent me over my own posting,i could tell that just from what you wrote,you been there like many on here,down that dark long road of pain and despair, like never felt before.......and you worked it out what you needed to do and most of all....HOW to come out of it intact.

 

thats something we all hope to do

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wd, I had a similar experience. I was married for 12 years to a cheating wife. I filed for divorce, went through hell for 5 months, ended up dating a 22 year old (I was 35) that ended up being a 9 year relationship. Sadly, that ended a little over a month ago, so here I am, looking for a way to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart and find a way to move on...

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its seems you went thru the process and pain fairly quickly which is what im doing too, let me ask you OP, did you introduce your daughter to your gf? how did all that go if you don't mind? how long before you did etc...

 

 

im in a similar situation, 3 months after doomsday and I met a girl that absolutely lifted me up and were still seeing each other, so far its been about 3 months that were together and things progressed quickly which are both happy with it seems, the only thing I have left to do is introduce my 3 kids to her, I feel like my life is in 2 parts, one is with her, and the other with my kids, when my kids stay over she doesn't, when they are with me at home shes not, and vice versa, shes very understanding and im being honest with her in telling her about whats going on with my kids

 

 

anyways just curious and congrats on getting thru man

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Thanks all, I still get a bit melancholy from time to time, but not so much about who I was with, but more about what I thought I had. I miss comming home to soneone, but I also appreciate having my own space and my own life to live how I want, when I want. My only regret is less time spent with my daughter.

 

Best thing I did in my process was read here and blog here almost daily. Love this place!

 

WD

 

Recovering from a breakup or divorce isn't like a race with a finite finish line. You'll have ups and downs, but you'll find yourself with longer ups and shorter downs. It sounds like you're doing great! Just be reflective as you have been and in tune with your emotions, and it'll only get better! :)

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it seems that maybe I skipped over dealing with some things... or.. I got lucky.

 

Based on your post, sounds less like luck and more like courage and hard work.

 

Read once that "desire is the path to success, persistence is the vehicle you arrive in". Not enough just to want things to get better, you have to put in the effort. Congrats on having done so...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Thank you for all the supportive messages.

 

In responce to LifeNomad; I would be more than happy to share my experience on this as it was something I worried about too.

I have had my daughter every weekend since the D, so when I started with the girlfriend, it was always work nights, which worked out since we had very similar schedules. I waited until I was sure it was more than just something sexual and that I knew I was personally invested in the relationship. The girlfriend is a Tahitian dancer and put on local shows with a group, so I took my daughter to one of the festivals. I didn't make it about them meeting (at least to her) just had a good time and when the girlfriend was dancing I pointed her out and told her that was my friend I wanted to come see dance. I introduced them very casually and that was it. Then the next weekend I asked my daughter if she thought it might be cool to have my friend come over for dinner the next week. Of course my kiddo being the sweetheart that she is was totally for it. So I had the girlfriend over the next weekend for dinner and a movie. She left after wards and my kiddo really took a liking to her. So we started going and doing things for a few weeks like movies or dinners out. Then it just became normal to be with them both together.

 

Hope that helps!

WD

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I've been divorced for 7 months, meet lots of woman that find me attractive. Feel alittle gun shy, I've had a couple unhealthy marriages and always rebound right away. This time I'm trying to be with me? Are rebounds good?

 

My therapist says some people do it and it works for them.

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Rebound... hate that term. If you have had more than one relationship in your life, then according to so many, every relationship after the first is a rebound...

 

Be ready. Be ready for what you want. Be ready for what you can handle. For me, I had gotten through the crushing depression, then the fog of unsureness, followed by a rebuilding process. I am pretty sure I did it at hyperspeed, but I also was very very deeply in each of those phases (suicidal, second guessing, not eating, working out hard while drunk). In my opinion you need to recognize where you are. If you are still hung up on the past relatiinship, then ya, it's a rebound. Can that be good, sure.. it can make the days easier. Can it be bad, sure... if you are still hung up, you may feel like a cheater, or you may find your self doing the irritating comparrison dance, which can make thigs better or worse depending.

 

I would strongly suggest making sure you felt like you were okay with being alone, that you felt whole again before starting a relationship. If you want to go out and get some to ease the pain, go for it! But if you do, please be very honest with the person so no feelings are hurt on the other side of that. If you can find happiness alone, then there is no reason in my mind why you can't share that with someone else..

 

My 2©

WD

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  • 1 year later...
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Hey everyone!

Been a while, but I'm back. Mostly just lonely lately. The 1.5 year relationship that ended so well, turned I to a 3 year on again off again. Seems I was stuck in the need to fix everything mode. It ended a few weeks ago. She was simply to... passionate. Isn't it funny how the one thing that attracts you to someone becomes the one thing that ends up destroying everything. Her wonderful exuberance for life also included massive jealousy, and rage issues. Sad really... wonderful woman. But I'll be better off and so will she. Kiddo's headed for middle school next year, so I've got that on my plate now (yikes!) I know I'd like to find someone new, and now that I have some new perspective on what fits me better, I have narrowed my scope down a bit. But the one thing I've learned is that it is nessesary to go through phases. At least for me, breaking each down and getting through them has to happen before moving on. Even if my 11 yr old keeps hinting I need to find someone 8)

 

This site kept me sane when I really wasn't. I hope anyone who needs help dealing with divorce finds these threads.

 

WD

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