Reconciliation

[Lucsum]

Hi I've been with my separated husband for 18 years (since 15) we got married 9 years ago we had a son 3 years ago things started to not go well was thinking about separating for awhile, I fell pregnant with our daughter and we separated (whilst I was pregnant)we have been separated for 2 years we did try and get back together but over something silly we stopped going to counselling, he took break up bad and didn't really see the children therefore I have been raising them on my own, I thought I was over him and I told him to move and I didn't love him (he has told me for the past two years he wanted to get back together) he has no started to see someone and it has made me realise I'm still in love with him I have been devastated and can't stop thinking we should be together we have two young children been together for a long time, I know that he would more than likely get back together I'm worried I feel like this because he is with someone but I know in my heart I really want to be with him, I don't want to muck anyone around and get people hurt, maybe we've had our time together and I'm being selfish when he has moved on and maybe she can make him happy. I know that I will never love anyone as much as I love him.

[KBarletta]

If you stopped going to counseling over "something silly" I think the first step is to get over whatever that was and attempt to re-start counseling.

 

Also, I'm wondering, if you still love him, why did you tell him you didn't?

 

I think you should be honest with him and try to get back to couple's counseling if he is receptive to the idea, and see where that leads you.

[Mr. Lucky]

Hi I've been with my separated husband for 18 years (since 15) we got married 9 years ago we had a son 3 years ago things started to not go well was thinking about separating for awhile, I fell pregnant with our daughter and we separated (whilst I was pregnant)we have been separated for 2 years.

 

What were the issues in your marriage that caused you to separate? What progress was made in counseling? As much as you say you love him now, your post makes it seem as though you walked away pretty easily...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Lucsum]

It was his issue thAt he stopped going he was trying to prove a point the " silly issue" was he hated me being on the computer at night so I jumped on it and got annoyed so he tried. Prove a point.

 

Ido t know why I told him I didn't love him I really thought that I didn't but clearly I do. He has been my whole world for 18 years.

 

In our marriage I couldn't handle how he wasn't "manning up" to being a father he would let me do it all, he would drink every night and on weekends always get drunk and he would go out all night and then sleep half the day away the next say, during counselling when we went it worked we got through those issues. Had he have kept going we would have been back together.

 

I really did try everything I was backed into a corner I feel but since we then he realises that he should have treated us better.

 

He was meant to see kids today and he didn't turn up I tried to call and text no response, I wanted to tell him how I feel so it shattered me not speaking to him

[KBarletta]

It was his issue thAt he stopped going he was trying to prove a point the " silly issue" was he hated me being on the computer at night so I jumped on it and got annoyed so he tried. Prove a point.

 

Ido t know why I told him I didn't love him I really thought that I didn't but clearly I do. He has been my whole world for 18 years.

 

In our marriage I couldn't handle how he wasn't "manning up" to being a father he would let me do it all, he would drink every night and on weekends always get drunk and he would go out all night and then sleep half the day away the next say, during counselling when we went it worked we got through those issues. Had he have kept going we would have been back together.

 

I really did try everything I was backed into a corner I feel but since we then he realises that he should have treated us better.

 

He was meant to see kids today and he didn't turn up I tried to call and text no response, I wanted to tell him how I feel so it shattered me not speaking to him

 

I hope it wasn't anything serious that kept him away. Hopefully just a misunderstanding?

 

Those issues don't sound insurmountable, though I would be concerned with someone who needs to drink every day. That sounds like a problem.

 

But if counseling worked for you I would think it could work again if you both want it to.

[Lucsum]

No I text him the day before and he said he would call me to confirm next day, he has a habit of not turning up he would just be with his new lady for sure.

 

He has since got himself sorted and does not drink ever day he tells me it seems everything I wanted him to do he is now doing.

 

I def think it could work again.

 

I have a fear that he will turn around and say no doesn't want to get back together, we have kind of spoken about he did tell me he still loves me in fact he told the new person that and she flipped her lid, I don't know what she expects we have history and 2 kids. He may think that he can't through risking breaking up again. I'm struggling as it is at the moment can't sleep can't eat I'm crying all the time. The backlash of me even considering getting back together is going yo be horrible as everyone does not think we should be together as I have raised the kids on my own for the past 2 years.

[Lucsum]

I should add that I am aware I am putting him in a hard position as he thought we had no chance so moved on now I'm going to throw a spanner in the works so to speak I just hope I'm not being selfish