She is adamant about the divorce

[chatsy]

Hi

I was in a relationship with a girl for 12 years and 7 married. we have a son of 5 years and 18th Sept she said she could no longer be with me and wanted a divorce.

2 weeks before we had sat and spoke very seriously about our future where there was a chance we would immigrate due to no work. This would have meant I would go first and then come home as often as possible and eventually see how we would live, either me moving up and down or we move as a family to the other country.

her response was, I can do this for 3 months or 6 or even a year but family has to be together so where you go we go. she also said she loved me.

we discussed our insecurities and not trusting one another as I said we could not do this if we were not trusting one another as we needed to be focused on our every day lives and not thinking if one or the other was sleeping around and she replied that we had to trust each other and that was that.

the conversation ended in an argument as she insinuated that I could be in bed with a girl on previous trips whilst talking to her on the phone but and i said the same way she could be sleeping with a neighbor who I had seen some over friendly moments with (we discussed that also and she guaranteed nothing ever happened at all) and she was very offended and said that was like having a knife through her hart.

After that we were a bit distant and one day she came on to me and we had sex. a couple of nights later i tried talking to her about our conversation and she said she couldn't remember what we spoke of and I got annoyed. we stopped speaking for a week and a half more and she then left me.

Its been 3 months today she left, has my boy with her and when she left she said that she felt nothing for me, didn't care a inch for me and had held out just for our son and had said those things that night because of our son. The fact she slept with me, well I interpreted that the way I wanted to. not sure what that meant.

I would want nothing more than to get her back, but from what I see and what she said it seems very unlikely that will happen. we are already with lawyers so we can get divorced and its only been 3 months.

i have looked up on the web how to get her back etc and spoken to family and friends. even have tried the no contact rule but we talk every day cause of my son. she calls every night so I can say goodnight or if he stays with me I do the same. some times we will have a brief chat cause my son says I am going to pass the phone, maybe its so we can talk, not sure.

I went abroad for 5 weeks so we didnt see each other but she would call at nights for me to say goodnight on face-time, so we ended up seeing each other that way. when I came back she seemed very friendly and seemed she may have had second thoughts, so I tried taking to her and said maybe we could go to a physiologist in order to know how best to tell our son about the divorce. then I asked if she could explain in detail her reasons why she left as she never gave me a proper explanation and she got annoyed and said she was having a **** day and now i want an explanation. I said to leave it no problem but she said a few things like, we have to much age gap (I am 38 and she is 29) we have different up bringing (she is Spanish and I am South African) she is very close to her family and she feels I am not. So I asked if she felt she had made the best choice and she said even if I regret it yes, I feel nothing for you.

I feel there could be someone else, or maybe not but my son is taking it bad, dosent stop asking to be with me and wants to come home. she is not having it!

my question is how do you go from I love you and will follow you to I feel nothing for you and care a less for you in less than 3 weeks?

[No Limit]

Yep, she cheated and is now in love with the other guy. Affairages are totally worth it in the female perspective because new guy is automatically also better guy. That kind of thinking paired with the selfishness required to even get into affairs makes her so self-absorbed that she would throw your son off a bridge so her new guy has more room (just a metaphor, of course).

 

Forget about the skank. See to it that your kid is fine.

[chatsy]

Thanks No Limit

 

ok so now I know for sure she is with someone and it was for someone she left.

The guy is younger and still in University and is my sons soccer coach and was a life guard at our community pool.

I now don't even want to look at her, she has not and will not admit it but I have not told her I know but simply planted the seed that I know. I have told her that its no longer healthy for my son to play for that club and I will be changing him to another. she got very annoyed and started accusing me of all kinds of stuff. Saying that this is why she left cause its always my way.

I just feel that apart from it being absolutely disgusting that she can have this guy be with our son once my son finds out, and he will, it will be very painful for him.

I am sure some of the other parents know cause they look at me all funny and have done for some time now.

I have now began full no contact unless she contacts me, the phone calls at night to say good night will happen no more unless she calls to talk to my son cause I cant stop that.

but i dont want to see her, talk to her, Nothing! I have even blocked her on whatsapp.

I just hope I recover fast for my sons sake, but I feel sick and with no energy and no motivation and when I look at my son I just break down inside.

if any pointers on how to move forward and get over this pain please let me know. I am doing gym, soccer trying to find friends as I had none cause for 12 years just dedicated myself to her my son and work.

Any other ideas please let me know cause I want to beat this from all directions, and i dont want her back and this may sound disgusting from me but I do wish one day she will grovel to come back and I can say NO!

[elaine567]

Thanks No Limit

 

ok so now I know for sure she is with someone and it was for someone she left.

The guy is younger and still in University and is my sons soccer coach and was a life guard at our community pool.

I now don't even want to look at her, she has not and will not admit it but I have not told her I know but simply planted the seed that I know. I have told her that its no longer healthy for my son to play for that club and I will be changing him to another. she got very annoyed and started accusing me of all kinds of stuff. Saying that this is why she left cause its always my way.

I just feel that apart from it being absolutely disgusting that she can have this guy be with our son once my son finds out, and he will, it will be very painful for him.

I am sure some of the other parents know cause they look at me all funny and have done for some time now.

I have now began full no contact unless she contacts me, the phone calls at night to say good night will happen no more unless she calls to talk to my son cause I cant stop that.

but i dont want to see her, talk to her, Nothing! I have even blocked her on whatsapp.

I just hope I recover fast for my sons sake, but I feel sick and with no energy and no motivation and when I look at my son I just break down inside.

if any pointers on how to move forward and get over this pain please let me know. I am doing gym, soccer trying to find friends as I had none cause for 12 years just dedicated myself to her my son and work.

Any other ideas please let me know cause I want to beat this from all directions, and i dont want her back and this may sound disgusting from me but I do wish one day she will grovel to come back and I can say NO!

 

Does your son now stay with you?

[chatsy]

no he doesnt, we share him. he dosent stop asking to live with me but she wont have it.

So ill have him now for a while and then she gets him from the 28th to the 6th.