limited Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 This happened about year ago. I got on one of the city buses that I take to work. A few minutes after sitting down, I noticed that this man was stealing glances at me. He would look at his phone, then quickly and smoothly look at me too, as if he wanted to stare at me longer, but didn't want to make it look obvious. I immediately thought to myself, "Is this guy checking me out?" Yikes, I thought. He did that during the entire 30-minute bus ride, in which I finally decided to close my eyes during the last 10 minutes because it was making me uncomfortable. It's not that he wasn't attractive or anything, but nobody really likes to be stared at, especially for that long or that much. Fast forward into the year and a few months in between, I would notice the same guy. Each time I saw him, he would either show obvious jitteriness, stand next to me on the bus, or he would simply stare at me when he had a chance. I always got off the bus before him, but one time, he got off the same stop as me and then started walking the same way as I was heading. He then went to my workplace building and then out the door while I was right behind him. It was pretty obvious that he had been watching me walk to my workplace from the bus and he knew where I worked. I was actually creeped out by that last gesture. I would notice him off and on after that "creepy" event, and then one day out of the blue, I realized that I was actually looking forward to seeing him each time I got on the bus. I mean, I would look for him. The last time I saw him, he was on the same bus again, but it was really crowded and he sat way in the back. Since then, I've been looking for him whenever I get on the bus, but haven't seen him since. It's been two months now since I last saw him. I guess I didn't realize I was actually attracted to him, but I never showed any reciprocation because I didn't want to lead him on as I was and still am legally married, pending separation. What should I do the next time I see him? The separation is pending and I'm not divorced yet, so I hate to give any cues to anyone that I'm interested, but then I don't want to have another missed opportunity as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Richiebuoy Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Ask him if he's the bus inspector Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Have you ever thought that this might be a murderer/rapist/criminal rather than a lover? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author limited Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 Have you ever thought that this might be a murderer/rapist/criminal rather than a lover? I actually did. lol I was creeped out for a few days and then it wore off. I finally thought that maybe he wasn't that into me or as creepy as I thought. Weird how I finally found him flattering/attractive, but still not the part where he basically followed me. Link to post Share on other sites
Ducktape Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Seems like a strange case of stockholm syndrome you have there 3 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLA Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 He's being super creepy. A normal man would have said hello, not followed you to your job. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lovinDKT3 Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 This is coming from a once unfaithful wife who had thoughts about the marriage being over before I cheated. DEAL with your marriage before you get involved with another man, period. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 I think you need to get out with friends more. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author limited Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 I think you need to get out with friends more. I wish I could. I have no more friends. Been alone for 12+ years since I've been with my husband. I feel like I'm not strong enough to leave him. Not even sure if this separation and divorce will go through. I'm going to start another different thread and see if I can get some help here. Link to post Share on other sites
jakrbbt Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 I wish I could. I have no more friends. Been alone for 12+ years since I've been with my husband. I feel like I'm not strong enough to leave him. Not even sure if this separation and divorce will go through. I'm going to start another different thread and see if I can get some help here. Of course you are strong enough to leave him. Of course the divorce will go through. You just don't know it yet, because it hasn't happened yet. And you will accomplish it without the guy on the bus-- which by the way, I commend you for posting about that. It shows a willingness to examine what's going on, and get others' perspectives. You are clearly both powerfully observant and self-aware. You know how rare BOTH of those skills are? Use them. Imagine the most clumsy, ignorant way possible that you could do the separation/divorce. Accidentally file wrong papers and have to correct them? Sign off on some assets while stoned during a mediation session? Hmm, what else . . . sign a lease and realize it's all wrong, you can't afford it, have to live with a friend or in some ugly place? All of those are things you'd get past. And you'd still be out of your bad marriage, and the divorce would still go through, and you'd still have the rest of your life to live. Don't forget that your original start to life was pretty rocky and clumsy too-- misshapen head (if you're like most of us), couldn't breathe through the nose, couldn't eat solids, definitely couldn't find an apartment by yourself. You had to fall off a bicycle a couple times and all that. You made it just fine, and you will again. You'll either do it smoothly or interestingly, but you'll do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author limited Posted December 15, 2014 Author Share Posted December 15, 2014 Of course you are strong enough to leave him. Of course the divorce will go through. You just don't know it yet, because it hasn't happened yet. And you will accomplish it without the guy on the bus-- which by the way, I commend you for posting about that. It shows a willingness to examine what's going on, and get others' perspectives. You are clearly both powerfully observant and self-aware. You know how rare BOTH of those skills are? Use them. Imagine the most clumsy, ignorant way possible that you could do the separation/divorce. Accidentally file wrong papers and have to correct them? Sign off on some assets while stoned during a mediation session? Hmm, what else . . . sign a lease and realize it's all wrong, you can't afford it, have to live with a friend or in some ugly place? All of those are things you'd get past. And you'd still be out of your bad marriage, and the divorce would still go through, and you'd still have the rest of your life to live. Don't forget that your original start to life was pretty rocky and clumsy too-- misshapen head (if you're like most of us), couldn't breathe through the nose, couldn't eat solids, definitely couldn't find an apartment by yourself. You had to fall off a bicycle a couple times and all that. You made it just fine, and you will again. You'll either do it smoothly or interestingly, but you'll do it. Thank you. Your post makes me feel a lot better. Link to post Share on other sites
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