MARBA Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 My husband of 32 years "disappeared" in August of this year after calling in sick to work and making believe he was going to his job each day for a week. He simply didn't come home and the last I heard directly from him was a text which said "car on S___ Street, Run Away". He had been despondent for several months, which led to many arguments, but things were really looking up. He was in a horrific accident 6 years ago, which cost him the job he loved, but he eventually (after several years) found one, doing shift work over an hour away. The shifts put a dent in our relationship, and he hadn't been feeling well- he had some health problems. He also (I later found out) had some issues at this job , whereas he wasn't progressing to the next level in it, and was supposed to be doing so. Well, this man had me on a pedestal for the past 38 years when we were merely teenagers. I Know he loved me. We had many bumps in the road, of course, but we loved each other very much. We have 3 grown children who are devastated at the loss of their father. He hasn't contacted his parents, brothers, sisters, or any friends. He took money from one of his retirement accounts, and I found through a missing persons report that he had gone to Florida (staying in hotels on the beach) for a month. He told them he was starting a new life there, and wouldn't be in touch with anyone . The trail went cold there, and no one has heard a word. I am beginning divorce proceedings (by publication) this week, as I feel I almost died from the pain. He has always "run" from problems, as this is his way. But now I believe he is truly gone, and I do not know how to cope. My kids are in pain, as well. His family has alienated all of us (?!). They are "different" anyways, but what about their grandchildren?? I am struggling to cope, both emotionally and financially. I feel so lost. Link to post Share on other sites
Richiebuoy Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 That's an awful thing to have to go through, I don't know the answers but just wanted to say best wishes and good luck with whatever the outcome is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 Sorry for the specific way things worked out, him apparently abandoning his family and marriage, but life sometimes goes that way. After so many decades, it could seem like marriage should be 'forever'. Sadly, these days, it sometimes isn't. It sounds like you've taken some prudent steps and I wish you all the best in the grieving process for this long relationship and partnership. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 I'm sorry your soon-to-be-ex didn't have any courage to at least leave with dignity. But obviously he has some deeper issues if he severes all contact with anyone that cared for him. Don't try to get back in touch with him though. Let him have his "freedom", otherwise he'll keep resentment believing you are keeping him from "living it up". Really, sometimes I wonder what people think is out there that they could be missing. There's no El Dorado around, no portals to Narnia etc. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
worlybear Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 My husband of 32 years "disappeared" in August of this year after calling in sick to work and making believe he was going to his job each day for a week. He simply didn't come home and the last I heard directly from him was a text which said "car on S___ Street, Run Away". He had been despondent for several months, which led to many arguments, but things were really looking up. He was in a horrific accident 6 years ago, which cost him the job he loved, but he eventually (after several years) found one, doing shift work over an hour away. The shifts put a dent in our relationship, and he hadn't been feeling well- he had some health problems. He also (I later found out) had some issues at this job , whereas he wasn't progressing to the next level in it, and was supposed to be doing so. Well, this man had me on a pedestal for the past 38 years when we were merely teenagers. I Know he loved me. We had many bumps in the road, of course, but we loved each other very much. We have 3 grown children who are devastated at the loss of their father. He hasn't contacted his parents, brothers, sisters, or any friends. He took money from one of his retirement accounts, and I found through a missing persons report that he had gone to Florida (staying in hotels on the beach) for a month. He told them he was starting a new life there, and wouldn't be in touch with anyone . The trail went cold there, and no one has heard a word. I am beginning divorce proceedings (by publication) this week, as I feel I almost died from the pain. He has always "run" from problems, as this is his way. But now I believe he is truly gone, and I do not know how to cope. My kids are in pain, as well. His family has alienated all of us (?!). They are "different" anyways, but what about their grandchildren?? I am struggling to cope, both emotionally and financially. I feel so lost. So sorry for your pain. Had a 28 yr marriage and kids myself when my ex husband walked away. You are still in shock- be kind to yourself and draw your family and friends close, support each other in every way you can. It's early days but you will get through it and remember that we will support and listen to you on here.((Hugs.)) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 I've only read your original post, not the comments yet, but want to reply now. Although I know you must be hurting there are many ways of looking at this. One is thank God he did this now and not ten years from now. Two, just think of all the new and exciting experiences you get to have now that you are free from this obviously confused person. I would also ask you to think of it less as being abandoned and more as a new opportunity. So many people get comfortable in their lives and relationships that they think they know what the future will bring. But we can't, really, because people and life are unpredictable. I have learned that when someone wants to go, it is best to let them go. You are doing the right thing. Let him find himself and meanwhile you do the same. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lonewalker Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 He may be having difficult feelings about himself. I feel sad that he did not communicate with you about this. You have to be strong and the loss is going to be very painful. But give yourself time to grief. Dont fight it. Cry and let yourself feel sad. But make sure you find love from your family and friends. You are not alone. They are with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 I am so sorry for you and your family mine.My husband of 21 years is acting like a scorned woman also. When times are tough the tough get running don't they. Makes you wonder what in the hell happened to the person you knew for so long and how could he do this. Theirs a lot of woman picking up the pieces when this happens. I really do hope the best for you. I know your scared so am I. Sorry to ask but how old are you but are you old enough to collect off his SS. I think the age is 62 and can someone move in and help with expenses. If you have to you will need an attorney because you are entitled to get help.Big Hugs I Know its hard 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nofeelings22 Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 Wow, not an ounce of courage or backbone in this "man." I simply cannot understand people with this little empathy for someone that's stood by their side for decades. You deserve better, yet, i know it's hard to move on. Best wishes for a speedy recovery. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts