scatterd Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Husband and I are Divorcing he asked for it 3 and a half weeks ago then volunteered to go work in Japan for a month. He has not called I have had a hard time he bailed on our family just before the holidays. I am the one that has done the family holidays for years. This year the family will have it else where because I am so down and weak I cant do it. I will be spending it home. I feel bad about it but I would be a downer.This man I married 21 years ago turned into a selfish,emotional abuser.I thought he was the most wonderful man in the world it hurts to see the true person. I will not allow him to talk down to my children and I no more.This is not the first Holiday he ruined for me. This sucks so bad guys I pray nightly to not feel any more for him I know in time I will. Thanks for reading me vent.I wish others a good Holiday Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 It's completely understandable that you feel this way. The holidays are the worst when emotional pain is the freshest. Since your family had already agreed to lift the burden of preparation from you, I would encourage you to go to the dinner. You can wallow. Assuming it's in someone else's home, just go in a bedroom or for a walk around the block if things get too much. But being around people who love & support you will be uplifting at a time when you need it most. Hiding out at home & wallowing in misery will only make you feel worse by reinforcing the hole in your life. Hang in there. Good luck. You will get through this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scatterd Posted November 25, 2014 Author Share Posted November 25, 2014 Thank you for the support. This has been hell for me so many other things are going on that are crisis. Its hard to imagine that so much can happen at the same time. My health has let me down and my daughter is having mental issues. I pray day and night that the lord will bless us with some peace. I am lucky to have god,Jesus and family in my life it hard counting my blessings when times are hard.I guess I am better then most though.My prayers are with all in pain and I wish all of you good. Dang Love Hurts 1 Link to post Share on other sites
andilyn1 Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 You got that right when you said love hurts. Boy does it ever. I'm going through pain right now too. To the point where I have zero interest in Thanksgiving. I would rather sit at home alone than go be around people. It's probably not a good idea, but it's truly how I feel right now. Hang in there as best as you can. Maybe try going to Thanksgiving, but give yourself permission to leave a little early if needed. But who knows, maybe you'll go and end up realizing it was a good idea to go and get out. That's kinda what I am thinking of doing. Forcing myself to go, but telling myself that it's ok to not be 100% present and involved, and to not beat myself up if I am just not feeling up to staying for the whole thing. I don't know, just an idea I thought I'd throw out there. Keep praying though. That's basically all that I've been doing. I just keep praying that God will take this pain away. Just remember, you aren't alone. All of us here are experiencing this type of pain and grief, and it's nice to have others who can relate and who can help. Hugs to you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 Go with your kids to a Thanksgiving buffet so you don't have to cook. Lots of hotels and restaurants do turkey dinners and side dishes. Make new memories and don't let that ass.hole ex ruin this holiday for you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 Thank you for the support. This has been hell for me so many other things are going on that are crisis. Its hard to imagine that so much can happen at the same time. My health has let me down and my daughter is having mental issues. I pray day and night that the lord will bless us with some peace. I am lucky to have god,Jesus and family in my life it hard counting my blessings when times are hard.I guess I am better then most though.My prayers are with all in pain and I wish all of you good. Dang Love Hurts Hugs to you. I wish for peace and comfort at this time for you and your kids. Are you all doing family counseling? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jakrbbt Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 I think it's fine to have a sad holiday, let yourself be sad, and recognize it. There's such pressure to be happy specifically on the holidays. If you have to grieve, grieve. I'm sure there were many Pilgrims on the first Thanksgiving who were grieving loved ones they'd just lost. You, too, are having kind of a "first" Thanksgiving without your ex. It can be important without being a hallmark card cover. Embrace it, pilgrim. Do what you need to do to plow your new land. If that means you need to grieve, then grieve. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Banker Chick Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 I remember this pain well. My ex dropped the D bomb the first week of October and so I had to stumble through all the holidays in a daze. My daughter was 12 at the time so I couldn't just curl up under the covers, although I wanted to. Be good to yourself and do what works for YOU. Some will advise you to keep the same traditions and soldier on. Others will tell you to start new traditions and yet others will tell you to just spend the holidays eating copious amounts of Ben & Jerry's and watching Law & Order marathons. It's what will get you through the day. I did a mix of things and attended some events and thankfully my friends and family were supportive so if I had to slip away and have a good cry in a back room, they understood. It's been 10 years for me but I remember at the time people telling me it would get better. I didn't believe them then because my heart was shattered. It was true though and by time the holidays rolled around a year later I could actually enjoy them. Just keep telling yourself next year will be much better! Thinking of you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 Thinking of you today, scatterd. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Furious Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 You're such a lovely woman and my heart goes out to you. I'm sorry you're hurting and going through so much. I hope you reach out to your loved ones today and know many people here are thinking of you. :love: 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scatterd Posted November 27, 2014 Author Share Posted November 27, 2014 Thanks so much guys well today's the day I hope everybody has a good thanksgiving so far its not any different than usual.Pain in the heart but hanging in there my children will be here so that will help. I hope everybody day is filled with joy. This will be one to remember.Happy Thanks givinging Big Hugs and kisses! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 Children are a blessing. Make new memories with them scatterd. Happy Thanksgiving 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 My first holidays alone were tough as well, hope T-Day went OK for you scattered.......I know you've probably heard this a million times now, but it WILL get better and easier with time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author scatterd Posted November 29, 2014 Author Share Posted November 29, 2014 Made it through it my daughter saved the day she brought a couple of friends over. Then I was called by a friend that his ex kicked him out so we invited him to eat. Everybody left around 9:00 and went to bed. It gave me more hope for Christmas to be better. How was it for you, I hope it turned out nice dear friends. Hugs 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 Good for you. I'm glad you are more optimistic about Christmas. Different isn't always bad. For the 1st time in my life I had Thanksgiving with nobody I was related to by blood. It was the calmest least stressful holiday ever. It really made me see how dysfunctional my family is / was Link to post Share on other sites
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