Confusedninlove Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 Last year my wife and I were separated and I was a miserable depressed mess. I was alone and met someone in a game chat room and we connected. It wasn't romantic, I just needed someone to talk to. We spoke in the game only, I agreed to meet her even though she lived in a different state. I never intended to meet her just agreed in conversation. Then I deleted the game. A week later she posted on my facebook, I can't believe you stood me up, my heart is breaking. I told her I was sorry and asked for her forgiveness and then blocked her on my facebook. I never thought about her again. About a month passed and my wife and I started reconnecting. 5 months later my wife was on my facebook and saw those messages. I didn't realize at the time, but now I know I had an emotional affair. This has destroyed us over the past 4 months. She is now seeing someone else. We decided to separate and give it some time. She doesn't think she's cheating because I broke the relationship an put her in this position. I love her so much, I can't possibly leave. I know she's with him right now, and it tears me apart. I will wait forever for my wife to come back, and I would forgive and forget everything. I love her more than anything and I could never leave her. Am I insane? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 Pretty insane, yes. She is having an affair and you're perfectly happy to be the puppy dog doormat, sitting at home, just waiting for her to come home. She is not a decent woman. Divorce her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
A.Moscote Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 I will wait forever for my wife to come back, and I would forgive and forget everything. I love her more than anything and I could never leave her. Am I insane? How long this 'forever' means? A year? 5 years? 10 years? Come on, don't let your own emotions enslave you. It's a shame for a mature man like you to take such a cruel vow just for the sake of one woman. Let her choose her own path. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 What you are doing is allowing her the continue to humiliate and disrespect you with no consequences. As long as you continue to make the statement that you will wait forever for her to come back you will guarantee that you will spend a long time right where you are now.! You can get a lot of advice on what you should do but until you love off the statement you are making your misery will not end. There is an old saying" you must be willing to lose your marriage in order to save it". You will not nice her back You are now in an open marriage not of your choosing and only you can change that . No one here can give you any advice that will bring her back with no action on your part. Link to post Share on other sites
LifeNomad Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 confused... whatever happened during the time you were alone and separated should not be of any concern to your ex. you guys weren't together. what do you think she was doing during her time off? likely not sitting around waiting for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 If you're giving us the full truth, you didn't really do anything wrong. You started the communication with this other woman when you were separated from your wife, correct? You had a right to find outlets for your loneliness. And you didn't let it progress to anything real. It's a shame that the chick got her feelings involved, but that's another story... Sure, your wife wouldn't be pleased to see that (I'm personally wondering why you and this girl felt the need to air all your dirty laundry on Facebook in the first place... and why you never deleted it), but she should be able to trust you and get over it if nothing really happened. It seems like your wife is using this as excuse to pin the blame on you as she does exactly what she wants. Link to post Share on other sites
tobrieornottobrie Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 I'm so sorry that you are hurting. Have you and your wife considered marriage counseling? Speaking with a professional may enable you and your wife to work through some of the issues that you mentioned. I really hope that it gets better for you, friend. Best of luck. the brie's cheese knees Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedninlove Posted November 25, 2014 Author Share Posted November 25, 2014 (edited) Yes that is the complete and total truth. And the 7-8 messages on FB was in the messages section so nobody could see. She had deleted FB fr her life for a while as she was pretty much addicted. I didn't know but she logged onto mine quite often to check on friends and family. Not that it mattered as I felt I had nothing to hide. This is when she saw the messages from 6 months prior. I tried to explain, she saw red and the damage was done. The marriage counselor to defined an emotional affair as connecting with someone on a personal level. I did that and I admitted to doing that. It wasn't a romantic level but it was a personal friendship if you could call talking to someone Computer that you just met online but never actually met 15 to 20 times over 10 weeks a friendship. She told me the other day, that I should've just said I love my wife, I love my kids, But I didn't and when she closes her eyes, she can't unsee me begging her for forgiveness. Which I was as I was trying to spare her feelings. She needed a friend and I didn't want to **** all over her when she was down, meanwhile, my wife feels that I was ****ting all over her and our family, because I putthat woman's feelings ahead of my wife's. My wife helped me find an apartment today. I move out January 1st. We've been the best of friends since we decided to legally separate and I've been missing that for a long long time. I'm Happier than I've been in a really long time because I'm not stuck anymore. We are moving forward. I Don't know how it will end up, but I texted this to her today. So my honest assessment of what I want out of this separation is to focus on improving myself and being more dependable. Following through. Having a commitment to the whole truth and really have less stresses. in doing that my plan is to win you back not with my words, but my actions. And not a pressured blind leap of faith, but a realization of the most amazing love two people can have. I want to win you back and I want you to know that these are my intentions and how I plan to accomplish it. I feel if this truly is my focus, at the end of our separation, I will be happy. I would prefer my happiness would include us holding hands in our wheelchairs at age 100 watching reruns of the King of queens, but I know if I focus on me I'll be happy either way. We do have two counseling appointments set up for December. Edited November 25, 2014 by Confusedninlove 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 (edited) in doing that my plan is to win you back not with my words, but my actions. Hang on, what the frell? YOU want to win HER back? SHE is the one cheating on you right? Shouldn't it be the other way around? Shouldn't she be the one begging for YOUR forgiveness, and showing you with her actions that SHE wants to win YOU back? What do her actions say? They say "I want to be with another man". Jeeze man - where's your self respect? We do have two counseling appointments set up for December. Cancel them, unless she breaks up with her new boyfriend, and promises to commit fully to fixing the marriage. Otherwise you're just wasting your time and money. Better to spend it on an attorney appointment and file for divorce. Edited November 25, 2014 by PegNosePete Link to post Share on other sites
Shock Top Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Totally insane. She's looking for excuses and you gave her one...a weak one at that. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Holy Geez! She moved you in an apartment today? DUDE!!!!! DO you know why she did that or convinced you to do that? Is because she wants to continue with this guy without interference from you! She wants to walk around the house talking openly on the phone to this guy and not worry about what you hear and don't hear. She doesn't have to hide away in the bathroom or garage to talk to this guy. She can openly text this dude and leave her phone laying around without fear of you picking it up and seeing what they're texting to each other. And now, she can invite this dude over after your kids go to sleep, take him to YOUR bed and screw him all night long and have him leave before your kids get up in the morning. Good job, you took a lot of stress of her shoulders and made her life a hellva lot easier. Dude, she has this guy on the brain 24/7. She not thinking about you! She's thinking only of herself. She's only agreeing to counseling to get you off her back and so you don't make any waves.I promise you, give it a little time and one night drive by your house. Dollars to Donuts you'll see a car in the drive you've never seen before. Get a spine, dude! Link to post Share on other sites
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