one54ton Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Sadly but probably better down the road my wife and I have decided to call it quits. We have two kids under 5. She work an 3 on, 4 off, 4 on, 3 off schedule. We are doing joint custody and going and she will have the kids on her days off. Also going to be living in the same town for the little ones. She has agreed I don't have to pay child support since we both make really good money and she knows i would buy them anything. She is moving out in a few weeks on wants some furniture out of our house. Somehow I'm going to try and save my house but the mortgage is pretty steep. We are going to counsiling on monday to figure the rest out. How long do you guys think this process will take? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 It varies greatly based on location. In what country/state are you? Link to post Share on other sites
AffairsRBad Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 That sounds great that it seems you and your wife seemed to reach an understanding and are being nice about things in this hard time. All states to my knowledge have some period where they want to see a kind of separation period prior to the divorce if there is no fault going on. In California, it's 6 months, and in other states they vary. So, as the other post indicates, more information is needed. There are a few exceptions to that separation requirement. I believe Nevada is one, where you just need to be a legal resident for a few months before you can file the papers. Wish you well Link to post Share on other sites
Author one54ton Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 I'm located in california. I fought for this marriage. Just got to the point she couldnt be convinced. My job was completed. Best mother in the world though. Took me awhile but finally reality set in and it came to me my love is lost as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 How long do you guys think this process will take? If you're including the co-parenting, will take the next 20 years or so . Just making sure you keep a long-term view... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
slizl Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 California is 6 month minimum after you file. Since it seems that you will be amicable, it shouldn't take too much longer than that if you are both on the same page. Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 It will vary from state to state, mine actually took about 10 months even though in my state you can do it in three. We had a home, sold it, and I actually had the divorce dismissed so she could buy her new place. Apparently no one will give you a loan if you are in the middle of a divorce. I chose this because much like yourself, it was pretty amicable and we are 50/50 custody as well. Keep it peaceful as you can OP and it will go way smoother. After she closed on her new house I re-filed 48 hours later and about 120 days later it was done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author one54ton Posted November 2, 2014 Author Share Posted November 2, 2014 Interesting. I was going to try and somehow re-fi my place and try to keep it. You guys are saying the banks will not work with you if you are in the middle of divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
AffairsRBad Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Banks will not work with you if they know you are undergoing a divorce. California is a common law state, so half the property and income is yours, the other half is hers. If you have no children and been married for less than 5 years, you can get a faster divorce, otherwise, as mentioned before, it's 6 months. It is good that both of you have reached an understanding that your love for each have faded and you wish to end the marriage. This can help a lot towards speeding things along and having an uncontested divorce settlement. You will have to handle division of property which isn't hard since it's half, but taking the inventory for the marital property can be complicated, depending on your situation. Remember, any property acquired during marriage is marital property, except inhertiance from relatives, unless you combine that money with marital property. The home as well that you were living in is marital property as well. Best of luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author one54ton Posted November 4, 2014 Author Share Posted November 4, 2014 She has agreed to move out with her parents. ..then after 6 months re-fi. This whole thing just sucks. We have already stayed the night at others houses to simulate how it will be without the kids. I'm trying to stay away from her and go to parties and hang out with my friends. I've talked to some new women and it's just awkward right now. Our therapist suggested we file soon. She also said my wife should move out then evaluate the situation in 3 months and at 6 months. My therapist said she is having a mid life crisis. Totally different person in two years. Link to post Share on other sites
jakrbbt Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 (edited) Whatever you have going on that allows things to be reasonable an non-acrimonious between you two, keep it!!! I cannot tell you how envious I am that you're beginning a relatively low-conflict divorce. It will be much better for your children this way and, however long it takes, much faster than if someone was angry or unreasonable. Maybe think twice about dating-- I don't know your exact situation, but plenty of people who think they're not in love at all, hit the roof when the other one finds someone else to date. Six months can go pretty fast if you're using the time to get used to the parenting situation and plan. For me, there's been one month of utter and life-shattering hell, and even that has gone by faster than I'd thought it would. The uncertainty is often the most painful thing, so if you can plan the basics (do you both want joint custody, how to divide the big assets, major parenting decisions), then you are in for a life that only improves. Also keep in mind that some states won't let you waive child support. Mine for instance only lets you waive a small portion. The theory is, child support is for the child, not the parent who'd try to waive. But you could get creative, put it into a special bank account or trust for the children that you both agree how it's used (college or whatever)-- if you can live with that agreement not being enforceable. And kudos for recognizing your wife is a great mother. That was nice to read. Also kudos for picking a woman who'd be a great mother to have kids with-- one of the best things you can ever do for your offspring, divorce or no. Not to minimize your pain and worry at all, but as you can see, I kind of envy you, it sounds like you're going to be ok. Edited November 5, 2014 by jakrbbt Link to post Share on other sites
Author one54ton Posted November 6, 2014 Author Share Posted November 6, 2014 Thanks man. I'm sorry for what you are going through. It almost seems like she is having second thoughts. I might be reading her wrong though. I'm going to brace for the worst. She has told me that I gotta do what I gotta do when she files. I don't want to mess up any chance I have back with her but I'd like to not think about her as well. Link to post Share on other sites
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