runner2007 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I've been married now for nine years with two beautiful kids 4 and 6. Me and the wife haven't had good marriage from day 1. Lots of arguing.. I was always selfish and never gave my wife her place because I was brought up that way... A few years ago my wife suggested marriage counselling and I was too good to realize we had a issue. Soon enough we began to attend but over time wife realized it was kinda of late. It got to the point where the counseller made my wife realize that she as falling out of love with me.. We were separated and living in the same house when my wife wanted a divorce. I told her I want work on the marriage but she still wanted a divorce. In mean time I caught her verbally cheating on me. Things did get a bid better until I suspected her cheating on me. I moved out of the house and things got worse between her and teacher. I began talking to other women as well. She eventually admitted to sleeping with him and claimed she couldn't live with out me. I forgave her and eventually got trust back. Over the last year we still attended marriage counselling and we never fought until a few months ago it started up again. I was sick on how she only works pt and doesn't really contribute to house work. I just gave up regarding that and she gave up because of how I treated her for several years(bitterness, harden heart .. resentment) We began talking about divorce. We both want out but don't want to be married and unhappy. She went to Vegas and shortly after I sensed something wasn't right. She was talking to someone behind my back again and I approached about it.. She said kisses this person but nothing further. She claims this person gives her attention, compliments her. everything I don't do.. She wants to live her own life and tired of me not changing. She wants a divorce but I'm confusing her by being nice and doesn't buy it. At this point I'm attending counselling to deal with my issues but also going crazy because I suspect my wife is doing what ever she wants (cheating.. sleeping around ) and back of her mind she knows I want her back (I'm puppet) We are living in same house sleeping in separate beds. What should I do to retain my sanity.. Date.. move out?? Divorce Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 It sounds as though your marriage is over. Divorce would be the sensible option. Don't move out unless you've consulted a lawyer on the financial implications of doing so, and don't date anyone else until the divorce is sorted. Link to post Share on other sites
one54ton Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I'm going through something similar. Our marriage was great for the first 3 years. Agreed to divorce the other day. Weight has been lifted off my shoulders! Link to post Share on other sites
GoBlue Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 It sounds like you are on the right track. Working on yourself and being the best man and husband you can be is job #1. I recently became aware of an organization called The National Institute of Marriage. It is a crisis intervention counseling program. The couples who go to that program are doing so as a last ditch attempt to save their marriage. The results are phenomenal, two years after attending the program, over 80% of the couples are still married and happy. I would be glad to provide you with a number if you want it. People who get married sometimes fall into the trap of believing that if they "love each other" then things will just work out. This whole concept of "falling out of love" is really about choice. Relationships, especially marriage, requires work and growth. If there is going to be any true intimacy between husband and wife learning the importance of communication is foundationally important. You have two children together and the choices you both make will impact them greatly. Why not at least check into steps you can take to save your marriage? My thoughts and prayers are with you. Link to post Share on other sites
regret143 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 all of the above. Talk to your lawyer, move out, and date. Regain your life back! You screwed up the first time (sorry for being blunt, but I did the same), start over as fast as you can. Don't try to fall in love just now, just go have fun, build your self confidence back, be happy! If dating just for fun is not for you, don't date. Just do whatever makes you happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author runner2007 Posted November 2, 2014 Author Share Posted November 2, 2014 (edited) Wife and I attended my friends wedding last night. Things went great between us. I asked her to dance with me.. Her reply was I don't want to lead you on if it doesn't work out between us.. What does that mean? Anyways I got her to dance with me.. We had a short conversation and she is still confused because the other day I had asked us to have guide lines in place for our separation situation.. Do we date other people, do things separated. She mentioned we would be both jealous if we dated other people.. Conversation ended... Also the fact year ago I changed for three months and went back to my old ways.. She is talking to this other person so I'm confused also.. I'm continuing to be a better person but its hard when wife if talking with someone else. I don't want to force her but at this point its hard. She is confused.. Does this mean she just needs more time or doesn't want to state divorce like before because she just doesn't want to hurt me. What kind of game plan should I follow?? Edited November 2, 2014 by runner2007 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 If my wife were "talking with someone else" then I certainly would not be dancing with her at a wedding. WTF dude. Stop being a doormat. She is totally disrespecting you, your relationship and your marriage, and you are rewarding her for it, enabling and encouraging her. You need to tell her that this kind of behaviour is NOT ACCEPTABLE if she wants to remain your wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts