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Betrayed by husband and best friend.


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I found out about 3 months ago that my Best friend and my husband of 13 years were having an affair. I read every word via text between them. I left immediately. I can't ever trust him I hate him so much. He destroyed me in the worst way. Granted we have had problems in our marriage and I was unhappy but I never expected him to cheat let alone destroy the trust I always had in him. We have two children together. A 12year old girl and a seven year old boy. I have moved into my own place and he has moved on from my friend to his new 22 year old girlfriend. Mind you he is 37. He has been dating her for 2 months. Taken her around my friends and spent so much money on her. However he cannot afford to pay anything for the kids. He thankfully hasn't brought her around the kids but I know its coming. I have tried to not be spiteful and share the children with him equally. I did not fight for anything in the house. He got everything because I just wanted out bad. I just feel like I must have been married to a stranger because I don't know who this person is. I just don't want my kids to get messed up being in this situation. I feel replaced and alone especially when my kids are not with me. This is the hardest thing I have ever been through and I'm not handling it well at all. Everyone says it will get easier with time but as more time goes by it is harder. Please let the light shine ahead soon

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Get a good lawyer and protect yourself and your kids. Your (ex) H is not a functioning in a healthy way right now.

 

Sorry you're hurting. He's a real shi.t to do this to you, but so is your so called 'best friend'. She had an affair with him knowing full well what she was doing to you, betraying you, just like him.

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How long has it been since the affair? How long did it take him to move on to the new woman, from the affair-woman?

 

If he's doing all of this very fast, then he's leading a pretty unstable life. But don't worry about the new woman replacing you, good lord, that could never happen and deep down you probably know it. Even if she's there for the long-term, and it seems unlikely that she is, she still could never replace you to your children, never, impossible. Look, I've been a totally involved and totally beloved nanny, for years. I spent more time with kiddos as nanny, than their mother did. Did I replace mom? Hell no!! Not in a million years-- not even close. And she won't even be as close as that.

 

One of the best things I've done so far in my divorce is to see a family therapist who specializes in children my child's age. She helped me to see that, regardless of what my ex is doing, my own influence will count for so very much if it is healthy and in tune with the child's developmental needs. She helps me address my worries regarding my child in all this. I'd suggest the same course of action for you. Do you have insurance? Get on the phone tomorrow and call a few family counselors. You don't have to bring the kids in.

 

You deserve to move on from the stage where you're feeling victimized by the horror, and into the stage where you're living your life and being a great mom and knowing why it is that you do each of the little, and big, things you do every day.

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amystouffer,

I am sorry that you find yourself in this rotten situation, but you did the right thing and left this sorry excuse for a man..

 

Taken her around my friends and spent so much money on her. However he cannot afford to pay anything for the kids.

 

^^^ This needs to stop right now. He is legally required to support his children, so the sooner you see a lawyer the better. Child support can be back-dated, so he'll have to pay in the end.

 

Stay strong and good luck.x

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amystouffer,

I feel horrible for you. I know how terrible you are feeling now. It's going to be bad for a while before it starts getting better. With the depression you are feeling, you'll have a natural inclination to settle back and allow crap to happen to you--because you just won't care. I guarantee you, though, that you will feel better and break out of the depression if you fight. Not physically, but for your rights as a mother and a spouse. Lawyer up and get the child support you deserve. Don't just let him have all the personal property or assets. Fight for your share. You need to set goals and work towards them. A mind focused on goals and solutions is a happy mind. A mind focusing on its problems is an unhappy mind. So don't sit around feeling helpless, focusing on how bad life is for you right now. Take the advice others are giving to you and focus on implementing that advice.

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Sorry you had those two pests in your life. Focusing on your kids is a great way to not let any energy be poisoned or gone to waste. Get a full-time hobby to avoid any bad thoughts that may occur to you, and if through your hobby you find a few real good friends, you'll feel much less alone. :)

 

Also, you can still fight for your share. Ask a lawyer.

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This all came to light three months ago. He waited 30 days until he started dating this girl openly. I was hoping is was just a phase or ego boost but it is still not over. He never continued with the affair woman just dropped her and moved to the next one. I have been seeing a therapist and it is helping but unfortunately it still cuts deep. I just thought this man cared so much about his children that this would be unacceptable behavior. I would have thought he would be embarrassed of this situation but I have learned to accept that I never really knew him. Its all so crazy

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Amy, I was there 13 years ago, my ex carrying on with friends, friends I looked upon as brothers. I've got no advice regarding lawyers and the such, others are far better than I to give that kind of advice. What I do want to do is offer my sympathies and also to tell you it does get better,a hell of a lot better, but first it will get worse.

 

You're in for a hell of a ride. There is a process you will go through. There's going to be ups, downs and all a rounds. My advice is to latch onto something true, honest and pure (i.e, your kids) and focus on them. Pure bloody mindedness if need be. Fight for what you know is true and honest. Gain strength for yourself by giving strength to them and never, ever doubt yourself during the crazy making that will come your way. You're never going to fully understand why he did what he did. You'll waste time trying, that's part of the process, you'll question everything. Bottom line, it ain't you and you did nothing to deserve this.

 

This post may not make much sense yet but it will. Stay here, there's good people here, they'll help you through this. They'll be your rock to lean on.

 

You're going to be OK, so are your kids.

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