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Ex has a 20 year old girlfriend and is now treating me horrible.


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My soon to be ex husband and I have been separated for 6 months. We have 3 kids together. My ex recently started dating a 20 year old (he's almost 28). He is pushing to have her around our kids even tough they've only been dating for 3 weeks. He's already introduced her to my kids and now he is saying he is gonna start having her babysit while he works so he can keep them over night. Before the girlfriend he never wanted to keep them over night. I had to fight him to take the kids. When he started dating her immediately he started being horrible to me. Threatening not to pay me (child support hasn't been court ordered yet) and he keeps sayin he isn't paying for his ex for the rest of his life (how he gets that I don't know because he needs to pay for his kids. Don't know why he is sayin he's paying for me). He's now blocked me on his phone and refuses to talk to me. We were civil before this girl and now it seems like he's randomly doing all these horrible things for no reason. I don't mind him bring his girlfriends around my kids eventually but after 3 weeks of dating it's too soon. Wanting her to keep my kids and babysit is too soon. My son has severe food allergies and needs an epi pen and I'm terrified he will leave out son with some girl to impress her and she doesn't know my sons allergies. I don't get why he has to treat me so horrible now all of a sudden because of this girl. I am terrified now he's not gonna pay me anything and I won't be able to afford my rent and we will be evicted. I can't text or call to ask for any money or help because he now has me blocked. It kills me that we were together almost 8 years and he can say some of the horrible things es been saying to me (I regret having kids with you,, you make me miserable, etc). At this point I feel like we will never be able to be civil.

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momto3boys,

I am sorry you are having these problems.

 

What sort of custody/visiting arrangements did you agree with him via your solicitor/lawyer?

 

I would make a note of all these instances of unreasonable behaviour, times, dates etc and let your legal adviser know. If he carries on like this it won't look good for him when the case comes to court. The court might decide to restrict his access to the children if he can't show he is responsible in this area.

 

No matter what he says he is still obligated to pay for his children and you, if you are a F/T mum and can't work at the moment. He will also have to give you "back pay" from the time you split up.

 

Stop trying to contact him and let the court deal with it.

 

In the meantime can you get any financial help from any family members to tide you over?

 

Good luck.

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Unfortunately this kind of thing is all too common. A new partner often means a change in behaviour towards the ex, almost always a negative one. It's not necessarily conscious, he's trying to prove he's over you and ready for a new relationship. He thinks (incorrectly and immaturely) that being mean to you is the best way of showing his new woman that he isn't going to go back to you.

 

Also unfortunately, you don't get to choose when he introduces new partners to your kids. That is up to him. He is hteir father after all, he has just as much parental responsibility as you do. If they are unsuitable (eg. convicted felons or drug addicts) then it's a different matter, but if you've no reason to think there's any danger to your kids, then I'm afraid there's nothing you can do about it. There's no laws about when it is suitable to introduce a partner to kids. Many people leave their kids with babysitters they've only met once or twice. Although, if he wants to increase his contact times (ie. overnight visits) then he'll need your cooperation, and you could make this very difficult for him - he'll find it especially hard to get more contact through court if he's just going to palm them off to a babysitter.

 

On the money front, you need to get this formalized ASAP. Not just child support but spousal maintenance/alimony as part of a divorce. Until you have this all written up, you're in limbo, and it's pretty difficult to enforce. Although child support can be back-dated with a high interest rate, so it's pretty stupid of him to refuse to pay that.

Edited by PegNosePete
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superhuman123
My soon to be ex husband and I have been separated for 6 months. We have 3 kids together. My ex recently started dating a 20 year old (he's almost 28). He is pushing to have her around our kids even tough they've only been dating for 3 weeks. He's already introduced her to my kids and now he is saying he is gonna start having her babysit while he works so he can keep them over night. Before the girlfriend he never wanted to keep them over night. I had to fight him to take the kids. When he started dating her immediately he started being horrible to me. Threatening not to pay me (child support hasn't been court ordered yet) and he keeps sayin he isn't paying for his ex for the rest of his life (how he gets that I don't know because he needs to pay for his kids. Don't know why he is sayin he's paying for me). He's now blocked me on his phone and refuses to talk to me. We were civil before this girl and now it seems like he's randomly doing all these horrible things for no reason. I don't mind him bring his girlfriends around my kids eventually but after 3 weeks of dating it's too soon. Wanting her to keep my kids and babysit is too soon. My son has severe food allergies and needs an epi pen and I'm terrified he will leave out son with some girl to impress her and she doesn't know my sons allergies. I don't get why he has to treat me so horrible now all of a sudden because of this girl. I am terrified now he's not gonna pay me anything and I won't be able to afford my rent and we will be evicted. I can't text or call to ask for any money or help because he now has me blocked. It kills me that we were together almost 8 years and he can say some of the horrible things es been saying to me (I regret having kids with you,, you make me miserable, etc). At this point I feel like we will never be able to be civil.

 

whatever you do, try to have a better life without him and you would.

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Nothing is court ordered yet. We are waiting to get a hearing for child support and custody. We have only been separated for 6 months so I can't finalize the divorce yet. My attorney said she's gonna put an emergency motion in for child support. I keep telling him he will have to back pay and he keeps sayin no he won't. From may-aug he didn't pay anything at all. Nothing. Not een a pack of diapers. So he's only been paying for almost 2 months if he pays this month. I'm sick of his crap. He threatens not to pay me constantly and I don't wanna keep living in fear I may not have enough for my rent. We got evicted at my last place so I'm hoping that he just steps it up and pays.

 

I'm just sad we can't be civil like we use to be just because he has a girlfriend. Not sure if she's putting him up to it or what. He needs to grow up. I don't see the relationship lasting. She's 20. No kids. He's almost 28, 3 kids and still legally married.

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sdrawkcaB ssA

You can garnish wages so he is forced to pay. As long as you do get child support, don't worry about him not being a father. I actually prefered not being around my dad, as he never grew up and treated me as a big brother to say the least. As long as you find a man who treats you and your children well and gives fatherly care, they won't miss out one bit.

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Oberfeldwebel

Firstly I am sorry that you find yourself in this situation, I know how difficult this must be with three little boys. Secondly, you need to take care of business. You need to file for support, if you have not already done so already. As for the OW, what do you know about her? She is probably just young, dumb and in love, you can't fix this. Don't worry, if he is as selfish as you describe, he will screw this up.

 

When the day comes that she or another is with the boys, then you are going to have to set emotions aside and make sure you train them on what they need to do and what to look for to keep your son safe and healthy. As you know, food allergies can be tricky and you have to know to look at boxes, as how food is prepared, etc. This will take a little tack, but remember you are doing it for your son. Best wishes to you.

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I am sorry for your heartache momto3boys - I am equally sorry that your husband doesn't realize what he is going to miss. There is only one person you can control and that is yourself. It does not help to engage in a conversation with your husband over things that are out of his control, i.e., whether he has to pay support and for how long. The court will make that decision. Unfortunately, the same thing goes the other way, if he chooses to bring his new girlfriend around your children there isn't much you can do to stop him.

 

Why do people become so mean-spirited and say such hurtful things? I don't know but it doesn't have to be reciprocated. Your children are the ones who have the most to lose here. Doing everything you can to give them security and an assurance of your love is very important. Again, I am sorry for your pain. I know about a free counseling service done by a Christian Non-Profit. If you are interested send me a private message. In the mean-time, please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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I separated from my husband of 13 years 3 months ago. We have 2 children together. My daughter is 12 and my son is 7. My ex has been dating a 22 year old golddigger for about 2 months now. Yes he only waited a month before jumping into this thing with her. I was hoping it was just an ego boost but I'm beginning to think he wants it to last. He refuses to pay me anything even though I'm only asking for half of the bills that belong to the kids. I was forced to rush and file for divorce so I don't lose everything. He claims he can not afford to give me any money however spends money on his new girlfriend constantly. What can I do? Not much. I could care less what he does but Iccan't handle him bringing her around my kids. Last thing I want is some 20 year old playing mommy with my kids. If he were to have someone who had a highschool diploma by the time our second child was born I could be more accepting. He is 15 years older than this girl. Come on. I completely feel for you. I don't have an answer and if anybody does I would like to know too.

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Some 20-yr-old women, although they're rare, do quite well with special-needs children and are very responsible. Maybe your husband the man-child has gone for one of those super responsible types-- but he couldn't find one his own age, because they'd all be too wise to get together with him, so he got a young'un. I don't know, just speculating.

 

I hear you saying a lot of things about your H and how unacceptable or abnormal his behavior is. And you're not wrong, BUT, I would not let the fact that he's an inappropriate douchebag get to me if I were you. People are going to be their flawed selves, this isn't the last time you're going to run across someone you know is behaving wrongly. Just file your divorce petition and ask for reasonable child support. I know you want money faster than that. Maybe you can get it from elsewhere-- parents, credit, friend, working overtime?

 

The point is, do not rely on him. Ever. I'm not saying not to go to court and ask for child support, but just plan your life as it he's never going to come through. Trust me, you'll be happier that way.

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