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Husband want divorce


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I am really confused and have no Idea where to start. Anyway I will try my best. My Husband and I have had a hard time with our Marriage since our 16th year of Marriage we have been married 22 years. I thought nothing but the best of him but all of a sudden he started to change. He was not happy with anything. I suggested he get on depression pills and he did which calmed him for a few months and he stopped suddenly because he thought he was better. He started a new job because he hated his other one which he was on nights the first few years.I woke up one morning and he was not home he got off at 11:30 and it was 4:00 I asked where he was and he said that he and the guys from work went over to a girls house that worked with them and that she was interested in woman. I thought that's OK he does not do that often.Then I woke up a few other times and he was not home. To make it short he was going to the bar with this woman and her friend and also her house alone. She was not only interested in woman but preferred men more. I also caught him sneaking to talk to her, needless to say we almost got divorced at his request. After 3 months I got tired and filed for divorce then he decided we should work it out which we went to counseling and tried. On top of him doing this my Dad died 7 months earlier and I was grieving. I ended up ill which I think started from all the stress and cant work. Since then my husband has been defensive with me, rude and unloving. He quit using his e-mail and is very private. 4 nights ago he threw a fit and slept down stairs which he does quite a bit lately .I was so mad I told him not to bother coming up in bed the next night. I have been going threw a hard thing for the past week before this and was crying off and on. While going through this this is when he threw his fit and went down stairs to sleep.it seems like every time I am going through something he kicks me when I am down. I let him know I can not keep going thew this. I asked what he wanted and he said a divorce again. I was calling Attorneys and he said he wants to take it slow that we do not have the money and he wants time to save so both of us will come out better. I do not trust him and I am miserable here with him in the house. He know I am Ill and going to have a hard time but I really am tired of this unhappiness. I want to move on and I rather struggle then being sad all the time. I dint get any compliments, I only get a peck on the cheek and I love you and now just silence.I am so lost and feel worthless. I get many compliments when I go out and your so pretty remarks and I am thin. But with all that said my illness and treatment has brought me down and feeling low. Oh also yesterday he turned it around and said i wanted the divorce and he wants what I want and shows no care at all. I do not get him. I am hoping to get some advise on how I should proceed. I will be thankful for any support.

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I can't say that I have alot of advice from experience, but I feel for you during all of this uncertainty and pain. It is not an easy time and deciding what way to go adds even more.

 

Personally, I think you should proceed with the divorce. IMO your husband seems to be stalling for himself because even though he has cheated, he seems not to be in a hurry to leave. I doubt that he is interested in resolving the issues. And there is probably too much distrust for you to reconcile.

 

As painful as it is (and I can't remember if you have children), the best thing for both of you may simply be proceeding with divorce. And if he suddenly realizes what he has in you and realizes that he is throwing one of the best things to happen to him, I don't think you should expect a massive turnaround on his part even if he pretends to want to change.

 

Good luck and hugs. Many of us here are rooting for you.

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James thanks for your reply and sympathy. It has been a hard long road and I am scared of what will come of me. I have two daughters which are raised and two lovely grand children. I do know that I have done all I can and been loyal but he just walks away from me and expects me to pick all the pieces up. I will leave knowing I did the best I could. I do not know that he will regret it but I do not think he knows their is a lot worse out there. I am doing the best I can to stay away from him. I really do not have anything left to say that's not been said before. I suspect I am not as important to him since I got ill but that I have no control of. Thanks again for your support.

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mymindovermatter2009

I’m so sorry you are in this position. Your situation sounds very challenging to say the least. Do you think speaking to a marriage counselor might help? I wish I can just give you a hug right now :). I will be praying for you that God will fill you with His comfort and wisdom. Hang in there, friend!

 

mindovermatter

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Thanks mindovermatter

 

We went to counseling once it seemed that everything she suggested was not followed through with. I read and tried many things but he just wanted the marriage to move on. He does not believe it works basically. We talked for a second yesterday and he said he needs to find his self. He also asked me to wait because he does not have the money now and he needs time. Why did he ask for divorce then, I do not get. Then he twisted who wanted the divorce and said I was the one that wanted it then said he both wanted it. He was jumping instead of sticking to one subject at a time.Its hard to communicate with him. I am having a hard time with the rejection and staying in the same house with him, He seems to be emotionless and cold. So today I am going to call Attorneys I am not a game player and if he needs this I will oblige.What else is their to do. Thank for the concern and suggestion.

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