Jump to content

Disconnected emotions


Recommended Posts

My husband and I have been together for 10 year, married for 6 years. We have had our ups and downs but have always managed to get through things. Some context: We recently immigrated to a new country to better the lives of our kids. It's been going ok. I am In a stable well paying job that I secured before we arrive. He took 8 months to find a job (In his field because he won't jus do any job) which was hard for me because he was constantly depressed. He now has a job but hates it and bitches abt it 24/7. I have always been the bread winner, decision maker, risk taker, bill payer, nah sayer you got it. I recently went through a really tough experience at work which made me really vulnerable, it made me realise that I have been working so hard at work and with my family life that I had no friends to support me because I just have t had time to make friends. I know my husband is my best friend but I need girl friends right? Well he has always been so possessive And constantly insecure abt me being out that I think this was a wake up call almost. I feel trapped. I feel like the past 7 years as we got closer to tieing the knot I lost more and more of my independent self. It's as he says when we have recently chatted, it's like a light switch flicked. I just don't want to be married to him anymore. I'm not attracted to him, I find him weak and depressing, I'm emotionally numb when around him. He cries uncontrollably when we have conversations about our crumbling marriage and all I can do is sit and tell him that I'm just unemotional. He pushes me for answers, asking me why I feel this way and how could it jus happen... Maybe it didn't just happen. Maybe it's been happening for awhile.

He wants to do counseling but I'm not sure it's gonna help. It's like Ive mAde up my mind but he won't listen. He can't move out be ause he doesn't have enough money to keep himself alive, he has no friends that he could ask to hold him up. I have said we need to separate and maybe that will make me realise my feelings but he won't have it. He won't even sleep in the spare room.

I feel trapped, I feel emotionally detached and confused.

 

This sounds like a jumbled mess when I read it. It's like a just threw up everything that's going on in my life right now all at once.

 

I am going to see someone to find out about my unemotional reaction to my husband and our marriage. But if anyone can relate or give me so insight or support that would be great. I do think the issue is me and NOT him... The classic "it's not you it's me"

Link to post
Share on other sites
I have said we need to separate and maybe that will make me realise my feelings but he won't have it. He won't even sleep in the spare room. I feel trapped, I feel emotionally detached and confused.

 

I've asked this more than once. How does he stop you from doing what you feel needs to be done :confused: ???

 

The only person trapping you is you. Unless he's got you handcuffed to the bed frame, nothing prevents you from taking necessary steps to improve your life. And that includes leaving or sleeping in the spare room yourself.

 

Step one is deciding what you really want...

 

Mr. Lucky

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I guess it's my guilt for dragging him halfway across the world and seeing him completely break down when I tell him I want to split.

 

What I want is for him to find someone that will love him back coz I can't. I don't anymore. He is a great father and person but I don't want to be in this anymore.

Link to post
Share on other sites

He's offering to go to counseling with you. Why not just do it and see what happens? Don't you at least owe him and the long history you have together to at least make efforts to fix things. If you try and nothing works, you'll sleep more comfortably at night with your decision to leave.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
He's offering to go to counseling with you. Why not just do it and see what happens? Don't you at least owe him and the long history you have together to at least make efforts to fix things. If you try and nothing works, you'll sleep more comfortably at night with your decision to leave.

 

You are right. I owe him that.

Thanx

Link to post
Share on other sites
My husband and I have been together for 10 year, married for 6 years. We have had our ups and downs but have always managed to get through things. Some context: We recently immigrated to a new country to better the lives of our kids. It's been going ok. I am In a stable well paying job that I secured before we arrive. He took 8 months to find a job (In his field because he won't jus do any job) which was hard for me because he was constantly depressed. He now has a job but hates it and bitches abt it 24/7. I have always been the bread winner, decision maker, risk taker, bill payer, nah sayer you got it. I recently went through a really tough experience at work which made me really vulnerable, it made me realise that I have been working so hard at work and with my family life that I had no friends to support me because I just have t had time to make friends. I know my husband is my best friend but I need girl friends right? Well he has always been so possessive And constantly insecure abt me being out that I think this was a wake up call almost. I feel trapped. I feel like the past 7 years as we got closer to tieing the knot I lost more and more of my independent self. It's as he says when we have recently chatted, it's like a light switch flicked. I just don't want to be married to him anymore. I'm not attracted to him, I find him weak and depressing, I'm emotionally numb when around him. He cries uncontrollably when we have conversations about our crumbling marriage and all I can do is sit and tell him that I'm just unemotional. He pushes me for answers, asking me why I feel this way and how could it jus happen... Maybe it didn't just happen. Maybe it's been happening for awhile.

He wants to do counseling but I'm not sure it's gonna help. It's like Ive mAde up my mind but he won't listen. He can't move out be ause he doesn't have enough money to keep himself alive, he has no friends that he could ask to hold him up. I have said we need to separate and maybe that will make me realise my feelings but he won't have it. He won't even sleep in the spare room.

I feel trapped, I feel emotionally detached and confused.

 

This sounds like a jumbled mess when I read it. It's like a just threw up everything that's going on in my life right now all at once.

 

I am going to see someone to find out about my unemotional reaction to my husband and our marriage. But if anyone can relate or give me so insight or support that would be great. I do think the issue is me and NOT him... The classic "it's not you it's me"

 

 

Does not sound like things are good on that end. First, he was not working for awhile and now is depressed all of the time. Second, he sounds sort of possessive. Third, you sound stressed because of the whole situation. So that you have basically sort of checked out emotionally. He may feel like he wants to try counseling. The question is if you want it. It sounds as if there would need to be many changes. Should you decide to take that route. Feeling trapped is not a healthy feeling at all. It will only lead to more negative issues for you both.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...