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Wife confortable, wont move out or let me go.


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My wife doesnt work, only goes to college. She has a boyfriend and plans to move in with him. But never does. I have already filed for divorce, but haven't served her. She says is gonna mess up her school if we start divorce proceedings now. Should I care or should I just serve her? I cant stand to live with someone that is already in another relationship.

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evanescentworld

Serve her.

Her problems are exactly that.

 

Hers.

 

Get rid of her, and let her swim without a life-saver, she's not your responsibility.

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"Wife comfortable, wont move out or let me go."

 

Does she keep you locked in the basement? Chained in the attic?

 

In many cases, the great thing about divorce is that you become responsible for only you.

 

Her school, living arrangements, love life and comfort level are no longer your concern.

 

Have her served, put one foot in front of the other and walk out the door. You're free to do so...

 

Mr. Lucky

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My wife doesnt work, only goes to college. She has a boyfriend and plans to move in with him. But never does. I have already filed for divorce, but haven't served her. She says is gonna mess up her school if we start divorce proceedings now. Should I care or should I just serve her? I cant stand to live with someone that is already in another relationship.

 

She doesn't care how YOU feel about her making plans to move in with her boyfriend. She doesn't care if that messes up your LIFE. So why should you care if a divorce messes up her school?

 

She chose this path, so she chose the consequences that come with it.

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"Wife comfortable, wont move out or let me go."

 

Does she keep you locked in the basement? Chained in the attic?

 

In many cases, the great thing about divorce is that you become responsible for only you.

 

Her school, living arrangements, love life and comfort level are no longer your concern.

 

Have her served, put one foot in front of the other and walk out the door. You're free to do so...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I wish it was that simple. we have kids and a limited budget. If I just leave and rent a place for me, money wont be enough for mortgage, we will lose the house.

for me to move out she would have to drop college and work full time.

Its more likely that she will move out. But when? 61 days after she gets served. But hell break loose during those days....

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evanescentworld

Why won't people give all the info before asking questions? :rolleyes:

 

Had you asked your questions in the first post in this thread with all the pertinent information, we might have given more pertinent advice!

 

Who has custody?

 

How much will it really, really matter if you lose the house?

 

Technically (although staying with friends) I am homeless.

Let me tell you, I really don't care. It's a much better thing to have no mill-stone of a mortgage round my neck. I'm going to be renting soon, and that's just fine.

 

It's really not your concern what she will have to do once you file.

Let her lover support her, if he's so great and she wants to be with him....

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I wish it was that simple. we have kids and a limited budget. If I just leave and rent a place for me, money wont be enough for mortgage, we will lose the house.

for me to move out she would have to drop college and work full time.

Its more likely that she will move out. But when? 61 days after she gets served. But hell break loose during those days....

 

What an ********* mom to do that to her kids. So she's going to move in with her boyfriend and be a part-time parent along with some guy who has no interest in them?

 

Makes me angry on their behalf! :(

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I wish it was that simple. we have kids and a limited budget. If I just leave and rent a place for me, money wont be enough for mortgage, we will lose the house.

for me to move out she would have to drop college and work full time.

Its more likely that she will move out. But when? 61 days after she gets served. But hell break loose during those days....

texas,

You're making excuses so that you can stay...in other words, you are enslaving yourself to this situation.

 

Therefore must be asked: What are you getting out of it? What's YOUR pay-off for maintaining the status quo?

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Yes, serve her the papers and talk to a lawyer asap about who gets to stay in the house. She obviously can't afford it on her own... and it's going to be part of your settlement anyway... but don't just pack up and leave her with the kids. That will not look good on you. Get her to leave... make her miserable being there... pack her bags... lock up the food.. I don't know but do something to make sure she knows she isn't going to freeload off of you anymore while cheating on your marriage. She has to go and she shouldn't be allowed to take the kids with her either.

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Why won't people give all the info before asking questions? :rolleyes:

 

Had you asked your questions in the first post in this thread with all the pertinent information, we might have given more pertinent advice!

 

Who has custody?

 

How much will it really, really matter if you lose the house?

 

Technically (although staying with friends) I am homeless.

Let me tell you, I really don't care. It's a much better thing to have no mill-stone of a mortgage round my neck. I'm going to be renting soon, and that's just fine.

 

It's really not your concern what she will have to do once you file.

Let her lover support her, if he's so great and she wants to be with him....

 

Man, I am not in the mood of losing 80k dollars. life is alredy too hard to wast that much money.

And since we still live together, the kids are with us.

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texas,

You're making excuses so that you can stay...in other words, you are enslaving yourself to this situation.

 

Therefore must be asked: What are you getting out of it? What's YOUR pay-off for maintaining the status quo?

 

to be honest, my pay off is I have a maid working for food.

bathing, cooking and cleaning the house is a lot of work.

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What an ********* mom to do that to her kids. So she's going to move in with her boyfriend and be a part-time parent along with some guy who has no interest in them?

 

Makes me angry on their behalf! :(

 

The guy also divorced his wife and has a kid but none of them are big fans of taking care of kids.

 

If I **** in a can, is worth more than those 2, by a can.

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to be honest, my pay off is I have a maid working for food.

bathing, cooking and cleaning the house is a lot of work.

So wot the heck are ya girlie-bitchin' about??? :confused:

 

Sounds like the ideal world...which I have...almost. My guy does NOT bathe me. Yet. I'm gonna have to see what I can do about that!

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Man, I am not in the mood of losing 80k dollars. life is alredy too hard to wast that much money.

And since we still live together, the kids are with us.

So if she left would you keep the house and retain the equity? I'm confused...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Look, She doesn't give a rats ass about you or SHE WOULDN'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND so why should you care about her needs?

 

File for divorce, hand her the papers and tell her she can now shack up with the OM and if she has to quit school and get a job, then too damn bad.

 

If she complains then tell her she brought this on herself and she can now find her own way and leave it at that.

 

One other piece of advice, invest a few bucks for a VAR and carry it with you because if you hit her with the divorce, then she wont go down without swinging and with a VAR you can have your proof in case she starts something. It's called protection and when your in a situation like your in, you'll need it.

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I pray this comes out in a objective way based off what has been relayed. It sounds to me that He is using her as the maid and sitter. And He is her meal ticket. If that is what works for them then so be it. She gets her sugar on the side and he simply goes about justifying the arrangement. Again I don't mean for this to be harsh, just not sure this is how a genuine marriage and its foundation can be stable. For the OP, In what ways is this setting up the children for a positive example of a healthy marriage? Children pick up and emulate this behavior in their adults life unless someone steps up and changes it. Think about it as you go about this "pay off" for compromise.

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I am going to be straight up here because that is how I am. Given your last post about the domestic violence issues in your household, one of you needs to get out - whether you leave and take the children with you or she leaves and moves in with her boyfriend (regardless of the financial consequences or consequences to her education).

 

Your children do not need to be subjected to the violence or toxicity in your relationship any longer. As you stated in this post, it appears as though you view her as your housekeeper and someone to watch the children, and you are her meal ticket (not exactly the basis for a healthy, supportive relationship). You are both using each other and there is also a history of abuse and infidelity. Someone must simply take the first step to end this toxic relationship and get these children in an appropriate environment. I cannot even imagine the suffering they must feel. One of you must take the step to end things now.

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Your wife has a boyfriend, read that a hundred times and then decide if this should be your life? A maid is going to be a hell of a lot cheaper in the long run. Just what are you showing your children that they will one day aspire to be just like you? Like they say being in a broken home is far worse than coming from one. Come on man, serve her and end the charade.

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TheBladeRunner

If she can't make the decision you should. My XW offered for me to stay "as long as you like" while she partied, dated, and whatever other garbage she felt like doing. I filed just a few days after DDay and moved out 13 days later.

 

If she wants to move in with the BF, you should help her. You can start by going to get some of those heavy duty garbage bags from Home Depot and start packing her up.

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So wot the heck are ya girlie-bitchin' about??? :confused:

 

Sounds like the ideal world...which I have...almost. My guy does NOT bathe me. Yet. I'm gonna have to see what I can do about that!

 

Ideal world my butt! She does the house chores and leave to see her bf and returns 4am.

**** that ****!

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So if she left would you keep the house and retain the equity? I'm confused...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

According to her, yes. She wants the kids to grow up in this house.

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Look, She doesn't give a rats ass about you or SHE WOULDN'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND so why should you care about her needs?

 

File for divorce, hand her the papers and tell her she can now shack up with the OM and if she has to quit school and get a job, then too damn bad.

 

If she complains then tell her she brought this on herself and she can now find her own way and leave it at that.

 

One other piece of advice, invest a few bucks for a VAR and carry it with you because if you hit her with the divorce, then she wont go down without swinging and with a VAR you can have your proof in case she starts something. It's called protection and when your in a situation like your in, you'll need it.

 

I got an app on my phone. A real VAR would be hard to conceal specially bc we both are in our undies all the time.

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evanescentworld
I got an app on my phone. A real VAR would be hard to conceal specially bc we both are in our undies all the time.

 

What the....? I'm not even..... :confused:

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Ideal world my butt! She does the house chores and leave to see her bf and returns 4am.

**** that ****!

texas,

I was NOT being serious! The point that I, obviously wholly unsuccessfully, was trying to make was that you cannot have it both ways.

 

Do you want the maid? And, if so, then she comes with a boyfriend and they party until 4 in the morning.

Do you want to be free? And, if so, then it's going to cost something...mentally, emotionally, financially.

 

You're going to have to pay something, either way. What you're willing to give up, and what you're willing to pay, depends on what you value more. What do you value more?

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texas,

I was NOT being serious! The point that I, obviously wholly unsuccessfully, was trying to make was that you cannot have it both ways.

 

Do you want the maid? And, if so, then she comes with a boyfriend and they party until 4 in the morning.

Do you want to be free? And, if so, then it's going to cost something...mentally, emotionally, financially.

 

You're going to have to pay something, either way. What you're willing to give up, and what you're willing to pay, depends on what you value more. What do you value more?

 

Go back and read the title of the topic."she wont move out" I want her out. now.

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