KarlaB Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 I am so mad and I know I shouldn't be. This week stbx had his weekend with our son, remember we are still living together. He hasn't been sleeping well at all and today he is meeting with an attorney to retain one for when the decree is done. So he emails me and says "After meeting with attorney, Im heading out of town, be back tomorrow some time. Need to de-stress and unwind, otherwise I’m never going to sleep." I am so pissed and I know I shouldn't be. he is just up and leaving but in reality if I wasn't at the house and living at the new place today and tomorrow would be my days with our son. Then there is a part of me that is happy he is stressed and can't sleep, he started this mess and I feel its karma kicking him in the ass. I started to email him back then deleted it. Someone talk me off the ledge here. I know you all can do it. Link to post Share on other sites
thekid36 Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 I am so mad and I know I shouldn't be. This week stbx had his weekend with our son, remember we are still living together. He hasn't been sleeping well at all and today he is meeting with an attorney to retain one for when the decree is done. So he emails me and says "After meeting with attorney, Im heading out of town, be back tomorrow some time. Need to de-stress and unwind, otherwise I’m never going to sleep." I am so pissed and I know I shouldn't be. he is just up and leaving but in reality if I wasn't at the house and living at the new place today and tomorrow would be my days with our son. Then there is a part of me that is happy he is stressed and can't sleep, he started this mess and I feel its karma kicking him in the ass. I started to email him back then deleted it. Someone talk me off the ledge here. I know you all can do it. What exactly is the reason which has you so pissed? This man is soon going to be your ex. Who cares what he is off and doing? Should be no concern of yours at all. Just as what is going on with you is no longer his concern either. No matter really that you are still living under the same roof. What are you going to gain by this anger? Choosing to be divorced means fully letting go of someone and vice-versa. The only thing which ties you and your soon to be ex to one another now is your child. This should be the only real concern you have in relation to one another. Making sure that he continues to be the best parent possible. Sounds as if he is still involved with him and this is good. Otherwise, any thoughts which revolve around him will only prevent you from full happiness. Granted, it is not easy to still be living together. Yet, this is only temporary. No reason to feel anything at all toward him. No real reason to thus e-mail him back. It sounds as if you both are already separated within your minds. Which means you have basically decided to move on at this point. No reason to wait for a divorce decree. Sooner you stop allowing yourself to care, the faster your renewed life can move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 I started to email him back then deleted it. Someone talk me off the ledge here. I know you all can do it. Way too many of your reactions are still framed in the context of his actions. Look at it this way - no matter how vexing and obnoxious each step is, it brings you closer to the end. So deal with the logistics accordingly and let the anger go. He's effectively doing you a favor by bringing clarity to what you want and need going forward. You should thank him for being such a thoughtless dickhead ... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nikita77 Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Your problem isn't your stbx's behavior, it's that you two still live together. Think of this as an unsurprising side-effect of that. Are you worried about what his lawyer told him? Or are you just angry that he's taking off? And he left your son with you, right? If you're not worried about his legal position, and he didn't take off with the child on your day or take the kid to parts unknown without your permission, then you can relax and give yourself the gift of "I don't have to care and I'm not gonna." I bet that's easier said than done, but at least you don't have anything to worry about. I think you're going to have a hard time being separated from him if you keep thinking about him this much. Let this be your practice time for letting those thoughts go. The sooner you can do that, the better. Good luck. And DON'T text him!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author KarlaB Posted September 16, 2014 Author Share Posted September 16, 2014 Thanks for the clarity that is exactly what I needed to hear. I don't think living in the same house is ideal but it's what it is for at least 26 more days. I was to move next weekend but it has been pushed. I am not worried about anything legally because I have already filed and it's a amicable divorce and we have everything worked out. He needs a lawyer to look over the decree when it is finalized. We also filed a motion to waive the 90 day waiting period. I think I am just so mad because this isn't the person I married and it hurts he is being so cold and inconsiderate considering he is getting what he wants. Thanks again for the reality check. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Glad you are feeling better, or more as normal, KarlaB. I also did not get why you were "so mad" since, if I understood correctly, these would in any case be your days to happily spend with your son, regardless of where your stbx is or what he may get up to. I know it's tough, though. Hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts