Fresh Separation

[crystalinalu]

HI I'm new here, found this site on Google... Google helps anything Right. Here is my story I met the love of my life 5 days after my 17th birthday and on his 18th birthday. That was 17 years ago. We have been married for 15 years coming up in January.

About a few months ago we hit a real rocky patch, and non stop fighting has over taken our up until now. Almost perfect marriage. He says he has lost feelings and love for me, and I can understand this, as 5 years ago we lost a son. I was so depressed, and constantly needed his protection, and shoulder to cry on all of the time. Which can be hard for someone to shoulder that responsibility.

 

He told me about a month and a half ago he needed a separation to try to get those feeling back and rekindle what he has lost. But he needs no contact now, because of the bitter, bitter fights we have been having. It is not all him, I'm just as much to blame if not more. We have been separated now for 2 weeks while still living in same home for the kids. We hoped we could do this, but it just leads to awkward silence.... Or even worse when we r talking and getting along, I just want to grab him and hug him.

 

Last night it got really bad. He is now staying away for at least this weekend, for no contact, possibly even more... How do you get through those moments, when all you long for in the world is to pick up the phone and say Good morning baby, or Good night love?

 

How do I put on a Stoic face when he picks up the kids, when I'm dying inside?

 

I have had depression severe since I lost my son... Now I can't even function... Dr prescribed me Xanax last night to help with my panic attacks... I feel dazed n confused, but still hurts like hell.

 

How do you stop yourself from picking fights being to needy. And change your self and your life, while your waiting to find out if you are Good enough for someone.

 

Sorry for the long rant.... Any advice would be of great help.

 

Crystalinaluv

[BetrayedH]

HI I'm new here, found this site on Google... Google helps anything Right. Here is my story I met the love of my life 5 days after my 17th birthday and on his 18th birthday. That was 17 years ago. We have been married for 15 years coming up in January.

About a few months ago we hit a real rocky patch, and non stop fighting has over taken our up until now. Almost perfect marriage. He says he has lost feelings and love for me, and I can understand this, as 5 years ago we lost a son. I was so depressed, and constantly needed his protection, and shoulder to cry on all of the time. Which can be hard for someone to shoulder that responsibility.

 

He told me about a month and a half ago he needed a separation to try to get those feeling back and rekindle what he has lost. But he needs no contact now, because of the bitter, bitter fights we have been having. It is not all him, I'm just as much to blame if not more. We have been separated now for 2 weeks while still living in same home for the kids. We hoped we could do this, but it just leads to awkward silence.... Or even worse when we r talking and getting along, I just want to grab him and hug him.

 

Last night it got really bad. He is now staying away for at least this weekend, for no contact, possibly even more... How do you get through those moments, when all you long for in the world is to pick up the phone and say Good morning baby, or Good night love?

 

How do I put on a Stoic face when he picks up the kids, when I'm dying inside?

 

I have had depression severe since I lost my son... Now I can't even function... Dr prescribed me Xanax last night to help with my panic attacks... I feel dazed n confused, but still hurts like hell.

 

How do you stop yourself from picking fights being to needy. And change your self and your life, while your waiting to find out if you are Good enough for someone.

 

Sorry for the long rant.... Any advice would be of great help.

 

Crystalinaluv

 

It sucks, don't it? There's no miracle answers. It is just a very gradual transition from one lifestyle (to which you've been accustomed for 17 years now) to another lifestyle (that doesn't involve him except for coparenting). Easy for me to say, right? That's because I'm an objective third party that doesn't have any emotional investment in this. Given time, you'll probably have less attachment to it as well.

 

But it does help to start to detach. My former spouse and I certainly don't live together. In fact, I only see her once a week even though we've got small kids together. We don't really talk on the phone either. Everything is by email; we'll do text if it's time sensitive. Otherwise, we've both moved on in separate directions. The emotional piece didn't happen quickly but it doesn't start until you physically detach. I'd recommend you get working on that sooner rather than later. Once you have your own space, you'll be starting your second life. And that can be kinda exciting.

[Mr. Lucky]

It is not all him, I'm just as much to blame if not more. We have been separated now for 2 weeks while still living in same home for the kids. We hoped we could do this, but it just leads to awkward silence....

 

What is it that you want to happen at this point ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[adam688]

Hi,

 

Sorry to hear about the separation. To be honest I am going through a similar thing, if you can say separation from your wife of 6 years and you moved out is similar. She tells me that she wants to stay friends, and hopes that we will get back together. Also have been on Xanax form reasons in the Navy.

 

The first two weeks so far have been a nightmare every night. I get my daughter on certain nights that she works at the hospital, but just am finding it so hard.

 

One of the biggest problems with me is the fact that I just want to grab her and give her a hug. My favorite part of life was going to bed at night with my arm over her. I am hoping that we get back together, and I hope that you do to. Good luck, and thanks for letting us in your life.