Confusedyoungwife Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 Constant state of confusion I have been married to my husband for nearing 2 years. He is 26, I am 23. We got married incredibly quick, and have had a rocky marriage from the start with many obstacles and personal demons messing up the works. This year has been the worst of all. We started to become very distant from one another, as he got wrapped up in a new group of friends and a new jobs and I felt left behind. He would never come home. This faze eventually ended, but then he started to become obsessed with how often we were having sex, and requiring me to wear sexy clothing just so he would even want to have sex. It was an incredibly stressful time. And then I found out that during his faze of never coming home at night, he had cheated on me. He held a relationship with a 19 year old coworker for three weeks, before becoming to guilty as he said. He did not tell me about this, I found out months later from an anonymous facebook message. Needless to say, my world felt shattered. I felt completely devastated....but I decided to stay. He seemed so sorry, so sincere. Weeks went by where I would try to deal, but any time I'd drink to much I'd end up fighting with him about it. The situation was become incredibly toxic. I have some mental health issues, and this only exasperated the problem. I was depressed, I was lost. The one man I'd ever met who I thought would not do this to me, did. Lately, his reasons for why he did it is that at the time I was very depressed and a 'debby downer', he couldn't stand being around me when I was so sad. Well. So, the next problem is that two weeks ago, I cheated on him with a coworker and good friend, 28 year old man. I basically disappeared for a day and a half, didn't answer any phone calls or anything. The husband and I naturally had a large blow up over this, almost got divorced, I continued to see this other man a few times, and well.... Currently, my husband wants to work things out, but from my perspective it seems impossible. He doesn't trust me, I don't trust him, we've had a dysfunctional relationship from the start....what do I do? I love my husband and think we would make great friends, but I am not in love with him anymore. I have this awful feeling I got married too soon, too young, too quick. But he seems to just want to sweep all our problems under the rug. At this point, our sense of intimacy seems destroyed. Another problem I wish to point out is that there hasn't ever really been any intimacy between us besides sex. No hand holding, not cuddling, he never hugs me. This is a huge problem for me as I am a very affectionate person. To add to the confusion, the guy I cheated with holds my same values in regards to affection/romance/relationships. So that has made me feel even more lost. Many have suggested couples counseling....Any advice is appreciated. Thanks, Confused Young Wife. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 Nobody on an internet message board can give you a definitive answer. However, since there has already been infidelity on both sides, I doubt you will get through this without professional marriage counseling. If you are both willing to work on your marriage & recommit to those vows you took, I'd encourage you to try because marriage is not disposable. However, if you don't want to do that & aren't willing to do the work, getting out may be your only option. Whatever you do, don't get pregnant. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Whatever you do, don't get pregnant. Never a wiser word was spoken... Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Short marriage, no kids, cheating on both sides. Yes it's a train wreck. Divorce and find someone faithful, who you can be faithful to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SuperGeek Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 (edited) Your situation is simple. Simply file for divorce and move on. Don't wait around until you get pregnant and that will likely happen as time goes on. I know several women who have stayed with men they didn't want out of guilt, got pregnant, and then spent years regretting it. Don't be that person. Unfortunately, he doesn't sound like he has the balls to end it on his own. He has already demonstrated that he's a spineless wimp by cheating on you already. You aren't much better yourself though. Instead of ending the relationship early, you go out and cheat on him as well as some kind of personal therapy. I understand why you did it, but did it really fix anything? Nothing in your original post tells me this marriage is worth saving. Sounds like a complete train wreck to me. Not sure if you plan to have kids, but they do deserve a lot better relationship stability than what you have described. If I were in your situation, i would have filed divorce paperwork the day I found out i was cheated on. At this point, how can either of you trust anything about each other? The foundation of trust is gone. SuperGeek Edited September 16, 2014 by SuperGeek Link to post Share on other sites
Jennstars Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 This is an open and shut case if u ask me... Move on Link to post Share on other sites
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