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Been married for 12 years, but separated for 1. Things were fine the way they were, we still got along so we just left it alone. Last week he informs me that he has been dating someone (who he told he has been divorced for 2 years) and now he wants to file for divorce. He is part owner is a couple of businesses and says I get absolutely nothing......after 12 years? How can this be the case?

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How can this be the case?

 

Well, it isn't :) .

 

Hopefully, this forum isn't your only resource. You need a sit-down with an attorney (initial meets are usually free) to understand your rights and responsibilities. And since it's better to drive the bus than sit in the back, I'd file first...

 

Mr. Lucky

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I fully intend on speaking with an attorney, we are just in the beginning phases. To want a quickie divorce to cover his lie and then to tell me I am not entitled to anything made my blood boil.

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Not to worry. There will be about 50 more things that make your blood boil in the months to come. You'll become acclimated to it.

 

Just be sure to retain a decent attorney and then your STBXH's nonsense will be just that - nonsense.

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He is part owner is a couple of businesses and says I get absolutely nothing......after 12 years? How can this be the case?

Lawyer up FAST and start getting copies of every bank statement you can. He will try to re-write history and you need documentation.

 

Good luck.

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Lawyer up FAST and start getting copies of every bank statement you can. He will try to re-write history and you need documentation.

 

Good luck.

 

 

 

 

I don't have access to his bank statements, we have had separate bank accounts for years. Plus now he says that since he hasn't completely paid off his business partner, he legally owns no part of the businesses.

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What he is telling you may not be true. That is why you need a lawyer who will file subpoenas for discovery on all financials.

 

And, if you live in a community property state, you will be entitled to half of the businesses, even if there is a debt on them.

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And,if you can work out who she is etc, tell his OW the truth. She didn't know she was the OW and may not want to marry him if she knows he's a liar. Otherwise she may find herself on these boards a few years down the road talking about her husband cheating on her.

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What he is telling you may not be true. That is why you need a lawyer who will file subpoenas for discovery on all financials.

 

And, if you live in a community property state, you will be entitled to half of the businesses, even if there is a debt on them.

 

I live in Tennessee, its common law. I already inboxed the other women on Facebook and told her.

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I live in Tennessee, its common law. I already inboxed the other women on Facebook and told her.

 

What was her response - if any?

 

Tennessee is an equitable distribution state that divides the marital property equitably without regard to marital faulty. Marital property is all property acquired during the marriage, regardless of whose name is on the title. Property acquired before the marriage or after a legal separation, inheritances and gifts, and pain and suffering awards are considered separate property. The court shall consider the following factors when determining an equitable distribution of the marital property:

 

- The length of the marriage.

- The age, physical and mental health, employability, and financial needs of each spouse.

- The contribution of one spouse to the education or increased earning power of the other spouse.

- The relative ability of each spouse for future employment and asset acquirement.

- Contributions as a homemaker, wage earner, or parent.

- The value of the separate property of each spouse.

- The economic circumstances of each spouse at the time of the divorce.

- The tax consequences of the proposed property settlement.

- The social security benefits available to each spouse.

- Any other factors relevant to an equitable distribution settlement.

- The court may award the family home and effects, or the right to live there for a reasonable period of time, to either party, but shall give special consideration to the spouse having physical custody of a child or children of the marriage. [based on Tennessee Code - Title 36, Sections 36-4-121]

 

ALIMONY/MAINTENANCE/SPOUSAL SUPPORT:

The court may award alimony to be paid by one spouse to the other, or out of either spouse's property, according to the nature of the case and the circumstances of the parties. The court may award rehabilitative alimony, periodic alimony, transitional alimony, or lump sum alimony, or a combination of these, taking the following factors into consideration:

 

- The relative earning capacity, obligations, needs, and financial resources of each party.

- The relative earning capability of each party, and the necessity of a party to secure further education and training to improve such party's earnings capacity to a reasonable level.

- The duration of the marriage.

- The age, mental, and physical condition of each party, including, but not limited to, physical disability or incapacity due to a chronic debilitating disease.

- Whether the custodial parent is unable to work outside the home due to the care of a minor child.

- The separate assets of each party.

- The property apportioned to the party.

- The standard of living established during the marriage.

- The contributions as a homemaker and to the education, training or increased earning power of the other party.

- The relative faulty of the parties.

- Any other factors, including the tax consequences to each party, as are necessary to consider the equities between the parties.

[based on Tennessee Code - Title 36, Sections 36-5-121]

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Get a discussion going, on this topic that "he sold everything and now you get nothing." That is bad faith motive. Get a digital non stop recorder at Walmart - figure out how it works, it downloads data to your computer - but do it on a file at the UPS store.

 

Get his big fat mouth on tape - let him talk big. Ask him.."What you are supposed to do now Ask him how long this has been going on. What ever info you can.

 

Especially at times when he wants something. He may come to you with some idea or dumb offer. Act like it sounds REALLY good. But say, you need to understand what happened with the woman (or the businesses) so you can have "closure." Lead him on that you're anxious to discuss or help in what he wants or needs, but - (if it is ok with him, -haha, just for your piece of mind, just a little closure will help you try to accept things"), duh.

 

I got the dead on truth that way when ex wanted me to take $60,000 for the business, and 3 homes. What a dumb azz, I told him, "Wow, that is a lot of money - I don't believe it, I have to look you in the eye." Then he comes running over with 2 bottles of wine. We talk what I needed on tape, and I told him, oh, I think about your offer. Right. It was reay funny cause I was holding the digital recorder in my hand the whole time. I told him my iPhone wasn't working (he had cut off - I pretended like I didn't know). So I explained I bought this cheap phone from Walmart. I said I'm waiting for a call. He was laughing. He asked a couple times, "when are you going to get that'd call?". I told him, he bettergo, my call could come T any time.". He was grinning from ear to ear. He wanted to stave and help me get a bath! Haha!

 

Don't get angry - Get Smart.

 

Get to the meanest azz attorney you can find. And act like a dumb broad. Just like me -- here's an example: "If I give you all the homes, where am I going to live? Waw, waw, duh????"

 

Here is a good question to ask him on tape: "can you something to me please? I just don't get how investing 12 years in our marriage leaves me with nothing. And I'm kinda worried. What do you mean? Don't I own part of the business assets too?"

 

"Haven't I chipped in a little here and there?". Haha.

 

Keep asking the same question, with some variation till he gets irrated. Even if u have to eat some insults - start crying, or go in bathroom and make throw up. The talk about the closure thing - and you just wanna understand, that's all. Anyone would, honey. BS. No direct question, just vague starter inquiries, such as, "my feelings are really hurt," or "I don't get this," or "I'm mixed up - what did you mean when you said ........, or "can you explain it to me" questions. Don't get caught. (always try to connect convo to a current event, Dr. appt, whatever).

 

Put a voice activated recorder in his car. That is for you only - not admissible, not exactly legal either. But it may protect you in some way we have no idea of yet. That could be an answer that gives a perfect lead.

 

Bug the house with Voice activated recorders. Turn on the TV to date the recorders each day.

 

Take computer to forensics lab in the morning when he leaves.

 

GPS his car. (Cheap devices are on eBay).

 

ONCE YOU OR HE FILES FOR DIVORCE - YOU CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE. Except secretely record convos when your both there.

 

If you can afford a PI - they can do research at all times. Your photos and research, other than recordings, are always questionable - and likely not admissible.

 

Make friends with this woman if you can. If not, if she turns on you, threaten her that she will be called into court. Be sure you have her contact info before you diss her. That should be easy from phone records. The 2 of you can plY him.

 

Get attorney. Get data. Get underhanded data before you ask permission (car). Use your digital for that. It makes no noise. Radio shack can help you - but Walmart has a great digital and cheap VARs.

 

You got work to do, fast. No time to waste. Be working on getting attorney at same time. Get all your documents in order. Disappear stuff so he will have to ask you for favors. Taxes at least 5-7 years back. Go to account if you. Cannot find them.

 

Get your data collected in the next couple days while your talking to attorneys. I would grab the money - but that would show your cards. You cards are more valuable in the long run if you collect nasties on him. Get to attorneys asap. Collect dirt up to the moment you file. And discuss it with digital after you file and he recieves. You can do this. THIS WEEK - file on Friday.

 

If I was in your shoes, this is exactly what I would do, plus get to the doctor. I know you're hurting, but you have to get it together NOW.

 

You can breakdown later. Pretend you are on a secret mission. Yas

Edited by Yasuandio
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I'd be real surprised if she hasn't already left him after I inboxed her his texts saying that he told he he was divorced. Oh and I also tree in a photo of him passed out drunk with his pants down after he peed the bed. I was pretty angry. Now he refuses to pay me for his health insurance that comes out of my paycheck, putting me into a financial bind. Ugggg!!

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Been married for 12 years, but separated for 1. Things were fine the way they were, we still got along so we just left it alone. Last week he informs me that he has been dating someone (who he told he has been divorced for 2 years) and now he wants to file for divorce. He is part owner is a couple of businesses and says I get absolutely nothing......after 12 years? How can this be the case?

 

I fully intend on speaking with an attorney, we are just in the beginning phases. To want a quickie divorce to cover his lie and then to tell me I am not entitled to anything made my blood boil.

 

I live in Tennessee, its common law. I already inboxed the other women on Facebook and told her.

 

Hey Angry,

 

Sorry your relationship is over.

 

I'm not sure I understand? Are you common law married? The law may treat that differently and an actual official divorce may not be necessary.

 

You should speak with an attorney.

 

If he owes money then know that his debt may become your debt too if push comes to shove.

 

Is your name on any of these businesses?

 

Here is the thing, you two have been seperated for a year. I am assuming there was some sort of arrangement that you benefited from and you are now angry that the arrangement has become threatened by him moving on.

 

Be careful to not let anger dictate your actions. Look out for yourself, but you don't need to destroy someone else because life has presented you with an opportunity for change.

 

Do you work? Can you support yourself? If not you need to find some support network, a job and really start thinking of a new life for yourself. Start thinking about what you want to do, not what your ex of a year or more is doing.

 

That new life does not need to rise from the ashes of destroying and hating someone else. There is no winning, just different degrees of losing, and some of the advice I read above is just silly. All that anger will just keep you stuck in the pain longer. Accept the fact that you two had a good run of over 10 years, have been seperated for a year, he has moved on and it is time to let it go.

 

Be fair and move on is what I would advise.

 

Your choice and I wish you well.

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No, when I say "common law" I mean Tennessee is a common law state, yes, we have been legally married for 12 years. Sold out house to buy into the restaurants. I actually don't know if my name is on anything with the businesses.

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I'd be real surprised if she hasn't already left him after I inboxed her his texts saying that he told he he was divorced. Oh and I also tree in a photo of him passed out drunk with his pants down after he peed the bed. I was pretty angry. Now he refuses to pay me for his health insurance that comes out of my paycheck, putting me into a financial bind. Ugggg!!

 

Take your focus off the OW. She could be the innocent deceived woman, but she could also be the knowing one urging your STBX to fight for every nail in your houses' wall.

 

Doesn't matter in the end, you have to gear up for metaphorical war.

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Sold out house to buy into the restaurants. I actually don't know if my name is on anything with the businesses.

That kind of info would be blood on the water to the right attorney.

 

Did we mention get a lawyer quick :confused: ???

 

Mr. Lucky

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Haha. I know you turned smart, real fast. Bahahahahahahaha! I love that drunken pee photo you shared with the young lady! Haha! What a turn-off! You made my day! Good for you! Cannot wait to find out what else you did!!! Actually, that was enough. Yas

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That was quick! What happened? Glad you didn't have any problems.

 

 

I knew he didn't have an attorney, so I just threw out a bunch of legal mumbo jumbo and threats and he caved out of fear. Boy, you gotta nasty as a hornet with divorce.

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Haha. I know you turned smart, real fast. Bahahahahahahaha! I love that drunken pee photo you shared with the young lady! Haha! What a turn-off! You made my day! Good for you! Cannot wait to find out what else you did!!! Actually, that was enough. Yas

 

 

In hind site, that was really mean of me. I mean, its a really degrading photo! I think that is probably enough. I had a lot more from where that came from though if I wanted to get real nasty about it.

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