Apaige Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Hello...I've told my story over and over on here. Here it goes, the shortened version. I married my best friend when I was 27- 15 years ago. Was married for 6 shirt years, and he decided to have an "emotional affair" with a co-worker. The voicemail messages from this woman killed me...I remember falling to my knees, and becoming nothing but jello...I packed myself and my 3 year old son up and went and stayed with family for two weeks. I was devastated, didn't know what to do. We worked it out...I never did trust him again, but I did as any "good wife" would do; I pushed it as far back into my brain as I could. We lived happily for a while. Or at least I thought I was happy. I mean after all, I had my unit back. My son had his mommy and daddy!! 5 years later, I thought I was battling breast cancer...turns out I wasn't! Thank goodness, I received(finally) a benign result!! He was very supportive, was by my side the entire time. 2 years later on 10/28/11 my mother was diagnosed with cancer, she passed on 12/8/2011. He was not at all supportive. He have me a hard time about not cooking dinner, not being able to keep up with the house, and so on. I worked 32 hours a week, took care of my son, getting him to and from his sports, spent many many nights lying in bed with my mom at the hospital until 10:30-11:00 almost ever night. To only come home to an argumentative husband. On 12/8 the night that my mother took her last breath, my family and I could not get a hold of my husband...he said "he had to go to work," his sergeants orders, and once he got there he'd see if he could leave He did leave, but I was there in the family grieving room alone. The following few weeks, while he took bereavement leave from work, I was alone, he was gone all day...our final private viewing I did alone, and he went to the gym. I was so angry at him, in fact, I hated him. And I told him that. On 12/27 at 11:11 pm before he left for work, he asked how long until I would finally speak to him. I didn't have an answer. On 1/1/12 he came to me with a 12 month signed lease, and within two days he moved out. I was crushed...I had lost my mother, my best friend and husband all in a few weeks. I was devastated, and even more devastated to find out that he had a girlfriend 20 years younger than he. I hated him more!! I got through my divorce, I think just because I was so pissed off, and because I was so consumed with losing my mother. 1 year after this, I met someone, wasn't looking for someone, it just happened. I have done nothing but push this guy away...I am so afraid of him walking out on me too, that I am afraid to let him in. I am now ready, I think, but he doesn't want me like that anymore. I am so insecure, if we have a disagreement, I over react...and ALWAYS think this is it, we are done...I need to find out a way to not push someone out of my life, because I am so afrai that they will leave me when ever things get tough. Please share your thoughts with me on wife abandonment syndrome! I am in desperate need of help!! Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 "wife abandonment syndrome" seems to be a fancy name for "fought, separated, divorced". Sounds like your ex was just as inflexibly entrenched in his position as you were in yours. I've never seen a relationship survive, much less prosper, without substantial effort and ability to compromise by both partners. Were I you, that's where I'd start... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Apaige, You may have a better chance of finding books if you search variations of "how to rebuild self-esteem after divorce", "learning to trust after divorce", and so on. I would abandon the term "wife abandonment syndrome". Link to post Share on other sites
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