Divorce arrangements question

[texas143]

Current scenario:

 

We are married, I work, she goes to college. I pay the house, the daycare, my car. Her car and her education is paid by her father. My budget is limited. there is no space fo any extra expense.

We live in texas, I have no family in the country, and her family is in florida.

We decided to divorce. I talk about the reasons and events in another post.

Our problem is: how to set up our new life.

If I leave the house, and pay child support, she cant afford the house or day care.

If she leaves, I wont pay child support, and she wont be able to afford an apartment.

I wish I could pay her rent so she could have a part time for her expenses, but I cant.

 

Any suggestion?

[WhatYouWantToHear]

If I leave the house, and pay child support, she cant afford the house or day care.

If she leaves, I wont pay child support, and she wont be able to afford an apartment.

I wish I could pay her rent so she could have a part time for her expenses, but I cant.

 

That's not how American divorce works--we've had lots of practice and its quite literally a formal process. First, if you two can't agree on living situations and support, the court will do it for you. So, child support and living arrangements are 2 seperate issues and in no way related in the manner you say (she could get the house and support, or vice versa).

 

Best bet is you two sit down and plan out how this divorce is to go. If that doesn't work, get lawyers.

[texas143]

That's not how American divorce works--we've had lots of practice and its quite literally a formal process. First, if you two can't agree on living situations and support, the court will do it for you. So, child support and living arrangements are 2 seperate issues and in no way related in the manner you say (she could get the house and support, or vice versa).

 

Best bet is you two sit down and plan out how this divorce is to go. If that doesn't work, get lawyers.

 

The kids will stay in the house, that is for sure. Who ever goes to the apartment, will most likely not have the kids, and that is by our mutual understanding. That is why I said what I said. And I highly doubt the court will make pay child support if I keep the kids. Right?

 

What I trying here is to get suggestions on how to set this up. We have tried, to no avail.

[slizl]

You won't have to pay her child support if you have the kids 100% of the time (good luck with that), but she will probably hit you up for spousal support to the tune of around 25% of your paycheck. You will owe her this to "keep up her standard of living" and you will be respnsible for this for half the term of your marriage! yipee!!!

[texas143]

You won't have to pay her child support if you have the kids 100% of the time (good luck with that), but she will probably hit you up for spousal support to the tune of around 25% of your paycheck. You will owe her this to "keep up her standard of living" and you will be respnsible for this for half the term of your marriage! yipee!!!

 

we have been married for five years, in texas, alimony (spouse support) is only granted after 10 years of marriage.

 

But I will probably have the kids around 80% of the time. She will only visit, not take them to stay overnight

[Mr. Lucky]

But I will probably have the kids around 80% of the time. She will only visit, not take them to stay overnight

Why would she agree to this? And why would you?

 

What's best for the kids? That's where I'd start...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Ronni_W]

texas,

Sorry...I haven't read our back-story. What type of relationship do you have now, and how do you foresee/expect it to be post-divorce?

 

My ex and I lived in our (former) matrimonial home, but totally separately, for a long while after our divorce became final. No kids, though. Even so, it's not an easy thing...especially if one starts dating before the other.

 

But if you're generally amicable and both are committed to making such an arrangement work and are usually level-headed, it can be done.

 

Or you may need to look at selling the house?

 

Best.

[Be_Strong]

One of the big drawbacks of a divorce is that the joint income of the spouses stays the same but expenses essentially double. Where before a divorce, the spouses combine their income and pay for one house, one utility bill, etc., after a divorce there are now two houses, two utility bills, etc. That is why many divorces require the marital home to be sold and the ex-spouses must each acquire lesser accommodations. It is very difficult to have a divorce (even if completely amicable) where the standard of living after the divorce is the same as pre-divorce.

[texas143]

Mr. Lucky,

 

She would agree bc she is planning to move in with the guy she is cheating on me with and she doesnt "bother" him with the kids. I would agree because I think the kids should see their mom, and this way I have a break too.

The best for the kids would probably be stay with the mom, but she cant support them or herself, even if I pay child support.

 

 

Ronni_W,

We cant stay under the same roof. Just cant. She keeps seeing her affair and acts like its her right to do it, and if I say something, a fight starts and for some reason, it is my fault. just so you can picture, one day I decided to go out there too. had a date myself (she had been telling me to do it so I stop bitching), when I got home the fight was so bad, she ended up in jail.

But finally answering you, I dont know. I told her I will agree with any reasonable setup she proposes. She hasnt proposed any yet.

 

Be_Strong,

 

The Joint income is my salary only. Our house's down payment came from her family, but she wants our kids to grow up in it. It is a nice house. If she asks, I would sell it, or give her the house, but she cant afford mortgage. As I said I will agree with almost anything.

 

In general, the only setup I dont agree is her moving with the kids to florida to live with her parents (we live in texas). Thankfully, texas divorce laws wont allow her to do that without my permission.

[Ronni_W]

Ronni_W,

We cant stay under the same roof. Just cant. She keeps seeing her affair and acts like its her right to do it ... <edit> ... But finally answering you, I dont know. I told her I will agree with any reasonable setup she proposes. She hasnt proposed any yet.

Yep...no. That won't work then. Would not even have suggested it had I known that an affair was part of it. Sorry about that.

 

I'm not sure that there is a "reasonable" set-up available, that will more-or-less allow you each to maintain current levels/standards of living, or with only small noticeable changes. She may have to put her college plans on hold. That's not on you. It's a consequence of divorce; having to split same income over two households requires sacrifices to one or another degree. She's not immune. (Don't let her make this your fault, I mean. It's not.)

[Hope Shimmers]

Texas is NOT a no-fault state in terms of divorce. Very important if you can prove an affair. Do you have an attorney?

 

Depending on equity in the house, most of the time the house is sold in situations of divorce especially if neither party can continue to pay the mortgage or buy the other out in terms of equity.

 

You are in a more complicated divorce situation than in most states, as her affair plays a role. You need an attorney.

[texas143]

I do have a lawyer and her affair is public knowledge. I could fill a couple of school busses with witnesses of it, plus I have hard proof.

But I still don't want to just **** her over. She will crumble. I want my kids to have a mother they can look up for and be proud of. If I use her domestic violence charge, I can even get full custody. I don't want that.

I still love her, but just can't be with her anymore.

[Hope Shimmers]

I do have a lawyer and her affair is public knowledge. I could fill a couple of school busses with witnesses of it, plus I have hard proof.

But I still don't want to just **** her over. She will crumble. I want my kids to have a mother they can look up for and be proud of. If I use her domestic violence charge, I can even get full custody. I don't want that.

I still love her, but just can't be with her anymore.

 

I understand how you feel, but she will always be their mother no matter what happens legally. I know you still love her, but you need to do what is best FOR YOUR KIDS. That is the only thing that should drive your decision-making at this point. Not your residual love for her, because I can tell you that if you use that as a factor in your decisions then later on you will regret it.

[JoeCool]

Normally I would not recommend this as she sounds unstable. However, your situation seems severe/dangerous for you and the kids, and you are actually in luck if she wants to make this work. Overall, this should get her through school, and Federal student loans are eligible for income based repayment. So when she gets a job the payments should not break her.

 

 

First, she will need to update her financial aid info at school to indicate the divorce/change of living situation. Then she most likely will be eligible for Pell grants. This is about $5 grand a year. Next, she should take out student loans as this permits living expenses. Normally it is about $5 grand a semester. This would give her an extra $10 grand per year for living expenses for a total of $15 grand. The loans will run out after she hits $57 grand, and the Pell grant will run out at about the same time. The only problem I see is, she will have to talk to her Dad about this and also not tell the school about the help from her dad.

 

 

There are other options that may be able to be added to raise her lifestyle if she keeps the kid/kids?, but those include using public assistance.

 

 

Overall, what do you want? Is she a danger to the kids? Do you want the kids? The above suggestion is the best case for you keeping the kids. If she keeps the kids the public assistance comes into play.

 

 

I see many possibilities to make this work out well for both of you, as long as she will do her part, and her Dad is okay with her taking out loans. If not it gets harder, but depending on the number of kids it might work. Again this will result in the use of public assistance/student loans. Honestly from the sounds of it, she might enjoy being single and neglecting the kids to live like a college girl.