M30USA Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 I've been doing great lately. Feeling positive about life, even started school again. But today I was forced to go back to the courthouse of my divorce to retrieve some records. Looking through all the documents, all the emotions and fears and hurts from 2 years ago came rushing back. I felt like I was reliving it all again like it was yesterday. This lasted for a few hours after I left. I talked with some of my family, got some things off my chest, and now I'm feeling a bit better. But these brief relapses seem to hit me on occasion. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 Not too surprising, I suppose - in this case, you were probably pretty heavily triggered by a combination of stimuli - the paperwork, your presence in the courthouse... Heck, probably even the smell of the courthouse! It's hard to imagine immersing yourself into all of that and not getting pulled back into all the emotional memories. So glad you had some family to talk to, work through it, etc. Remember what is your current reality, how far you've come, and use that as an anchor if you slide back a bit. Hang in there! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jakrbbt Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 What I think is great is that you started school. I don't know about you, but for me, there is no better cure for past and present heartache. First, school is all about gaining a possible new future, starting anew. You are getting skills and knowledge that allow you to do things you never could before. Second, school is the easiest place to have a social life and an interesting one too. I don't mean going out drinking like some 22-yr-old, I mean running into your friends in class every day who are going somewhere too. When I started law school, I was reeling from a terrible breakup that I thought I'd never get over. I'd been crying and insomniac for weeks, after obsessing over the boor for months. But two days into law school, I was a new me and could care less about the guy. Have you ever tried EMDR treatment? You may have legitimate PTSD. I know everyone dislikes their memories of divorce, but some have it worse than others. Good luck USA. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 My bad marriage is 30 plus years gone. A photo on the internet shows the ExW is now pushing 200 pounds. While, I am happily in a very loving relationship, with one of the sweetest gals on this planet. Everyday I wonder how I got so lucky, one I can totally trust, and in the looks department she is a granny with an hour glass figure and a flat stomach. Eye Candy! With a face I have been happy to kiss daily for coming up on 19 years. I mean I traded way up. Three years ago Christmas time, I drive by the old apartment complex, where the Ex and I met and lived the first couple of years. I never ever think about it until that day. The song on the radio, the rainy day, and my mind was transported back to our first Christmas together. The sadness and the grief was just like that of d-day. I had to pull out of traffic, stop the car and regroup. I kept reminding myself how much better off I am without her, but still it took a good 15 minutes before I could drive on. It is something we just have to love with. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 It is something we just have to love with. Ha ha... I don't know if that was a slip or intentional, but I think it's a perfect summary! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Movingforward2 Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 It happens. I'm 14 months in since the filing, been divorced 8 months and it is surreal. Mostly because I have to see her everyday because of my kid's sports. I took one of my daughters out tonight to a game at her school, and sat there wondering how did I get here? 2 years ago we would all be together on Friday night, and now who knows. I watched a full midlife crisis, and I have a hard time getting past it. We will do family things together one week, then off the next. I just so bad want to go back to my "normal life", but now my normal is where it's at. We are in a small neighborhood, and mutual friends really can't believe it. But, it is what it is. We all have our moments. I felt myself tearing up tonight on the way home because it's constantly in my head. Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted September 6, 2014 Author Share Posted September 6, 2014 My bad marriage is 30 plus years gone. A photo on the internet shows the ExW is now pushing 200 pounds. While, I am happily in a very loving relationship, with one of the sweetest gals on this planet. Everyday I wonder how I got so lucky, one I can totally trust, and in the looks department she is a granny with an hour glass figure and a flat stomach. Eye Candy! With a face I have been happy to kiss daily for coming up on 19 years. I mean I traded way up. Three years ago Christmas time, I drive by the old apartment complex, where the Ex and I met and lived the first couple of years. I never ever think about it until that day. The song on the radio, the rainy day, and my mind was transported back to our first Christmas together. The sadness and the grief was just like that of d-day. I had to pull out of traffic, stop the car and regroup. I kept reminding myself how much better off I am without her, but still it took a good 15 minutes before I could drive on. It is something we just have to love with. This was a really great post. As much as I know I can't live with my ex and I will probably find someone who I'm a million times happier with, for some silly reason there will always be a place in my heart (or possibly just my memories) for my ex. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 This was a really great post. As much as I know I can't live with my ex and I will probably find someone who I'm a million times happier with, for some silly reason there will always be a place in my heart (or possibly just my memories) for my ex. Especially if kids involved, perfectly natural. Something wonderful is part of you and part of her, regardless of what happened since. Despite my (deservedly) low opinion of her as a wife, she'll always have my respect and consideration as the mother of my son. And these feeling are much easier to sort out once you're with someone else ... Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 My bad marriage is 30 plus years gone. A photo on the internet shows the ExW is now pushing 200 pounds. While, I am happily in a very loving relationship, with one of the sweetest gals on this planet. Everyday I wonder how I got so lucky, one I can totally trust, and in the looks department she is a granny with an hour glass figure and a flat stomach. Eye Candy! With a face I have been happy to kiss daily for coming up on 19 years. I mean I traded way up. Three years ago Christmas time, I drive by the old apartment complex, where the Ex and I met and lived the first couple of years. I never ever think about it until that day. The song on the radio, the rainy day, and my mind was transported back to our first Christmas together. The sadness and the grief was just like that of d-day. I had to pull out of traffic, stop the car and regroup. I kept reminding myself how much better off I am without her, but still it took a good 15 minutes before I could drive on. It is something we just have to love with. First off....What were you doing looking up your ex on the internet, and secondly, I am sure you felt the same way about your ex as you do now about this granny? Hopefully it's not a case of rose tinted glasses, and you are being hoodwinked by the "hour glass" and "face you like to kiss", using you to live comfortably Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 The memory ExW, 5' 10, strawberry blonde, with extremely long legs, with her build and the right amount of freckles, to hint at an innocence, she was definite fold out material. On our first Christmas, after buying and bringing the tree home, as I was getting it into the tree stand, she disappeared into the bedroom, and came out wearing this sheer black, see through thingy she'd bought at Fredericks, along with high heels and fishnet stockings. She then mixed me a large rum and coke, and said watch and enjoy. I then watched as she proceeded to decorate the tree. Think of all the sexy moves a sexy woman can make decorating a tree. Reaching up to adjust the star, bending and leaning, etc. It was Hefner eat your heart our time. That started a tradition that lasted for 3 years. I had forgotten all about it until that day 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 Freckles and blonde don't go together. She was obviously a Ginger that went down the peroxide road like many wanna be blondes. Then get the granny to emulate that, without mentioning the reason why...cos she won't like to know the main reason you want her to Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 I've been doing great lately. Feeling positive about life, even started school again. But today I was forced to go back to the courthouse of my divorce to retrieve some records. Looking through all the documents, all the emotions and fears and hurts from 2 years ago came rushing back. I felt like I was reliving it all again like it was yesterday. This lasted for a few hours after I left. I talked with some of my family, got some things off my chest, and now I'm feeling a bit better. But these brief relapses seem to hit me on occasion. Sadly with you on this one ... Just as you think 'sweet I'm doing just fine' something turns the corner Well done with school... It's a great rebuild thing to do SS x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 On my 1st wedding anniversary after being divorced I cried. I had all those hopes and dreams of what forever was suppose to be and I guess it just hit me that day. Reminders are a funny thing that way. You try to not think about it and then all of a sudden your mind forces you to. I think it's a part of healing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GG2W Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Freckles and blondes do go together, I guess blondes are above you Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 First off....What were you doing looking up your ex on the internet, and secondly, I am sure you felt the same way about your ex as you do now about this granny? Hopefully it's not a case of rose tinted glasses, and you are being hoodwinked by the "hour glass" and "face you like to kiss", using you to live comfortably They have been together 19 years per his post...think he is beyond that... Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 As for looking up the Ex, I hadn't thought about her in years, when my lady and I ran into my ExMIL at the Post Office. My ExMIL was a great lady so I stopped to talk. I was most curious about my Ex's younger brother we were pretty close. So being curious did a Google search on him and what the hey the EX/ I am glad I did As for the rose colored glasses, I am retired and living off of a fixed income, My lady is still in the work force and makes more than I do. We own our own house, and she is spent her own money to decorated it into a home. New couch for over a grand, she knows how much I love football and NASCAR racing and a couple of Christmas's back bought me a large wide screen to put in front my incliner. Naturally, when the romance movies come on we cuddled on the couch. She does all of my laundry, including folding it and putting it away. Last month while out shopping she ran across my tennies on sale and got me 2 pair for $50, then refused to let me pay her back. Obviously she is a keeper 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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