Brewster DU Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Holy smokes! I've just fielded a call from my (separated) wife. She wants to 'explore' reconciliation. 2 yrs 3mths ago, we separated amicably although with much (natural) angst, after 17yrs together. Shortly afterwards, 6mths, my new partner moved in with me and we're still together today. This partner has nothing to do with the separation per se, other than, the complication it represents now. What I mean is, my partner wasn't involved or contributed towards the separation. I feel like I still love my wife (can one really love 2 people) and notwithstanding some infrequent day to day bickering about really trivial stuff relating to how we co-parent, we seem to get on pretty well, having perhaps discovered a refreshed respect for each other. We have 2 primary school aged boys, who appear to be well adjusted and seem to be handling the situation well. They spend regular time with me and my partner and everyone get along well. My wife's call has floored me and brought a tsunami of emotion to the surface. We are meeting in a few hours. Can anyone share any helpful thoughts, areas for consideration, do's/ dont's, experiences etc. my mind's a complete mess. Also, for completeness, I asked her last year to reconcile, which was at that point met with a refusal. It's only relevant as context in that, obviously maybe, we are both struggling to some extent. Thanks in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Holy smokes! I've just fielded a call from my (separated) wife. She wants to 'explore' reconciliation. 2 yrs 3mths ago, we separated amicably although with much (natural) angst, after 17yrs together. Shortly afterwards, 6mths, my new partner moved in with me and we're still together today. This partner has nothing to do with the separation per se, other than, the complication it represents now. What I mean is, my partner wasn't involved or contributed towards the separation. I feel like I still love my wife (can one really love 2 people) and notwithstanding some infrequent day to day bickering about really trivial stuff relating to how we co-parent, we seem to get on pretty well, having perhaps discovered a refreshed respect for each other. We have 2 primary school aged boys, who appear to be well adjusted and seem to be handling the situation well. They spend regular time with me and my partner and everyone get along well. My wife's call has floored me and brought a tsunami of emotion to the surface. We are meeting in a few hours. Can anyone share any helpful thoughts, areas for consideration, do's/ dont's, experiences etc. my mind's a complete mess. Also, for completeness, I asked her last year to reconcile, which was at that point met with a refusal. It's only relevant as context in that, obviously maybe, we are both struggling to some extent. Thanks in advance. So last year you wanted to reconcile with your separated wife but since she said no, you decided that you would keep around your live-in partner anyway? Any reason why you didn't let her go since she is second choice? Touchy subject with me... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mark-e-Mark Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 i agree... I was recently, or felt anyway that i was being strung along or kept on a hook while my ex-fiance of 4.5 years was becoming "fond" of a guy she became friends with on facebook while we were having issues. She claimed she was thinking about reconcile and not writing off getting back together, but investing more time with him than me... causes quite the heart ache and not fair to anyone involved especially if there are children. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 I think you need to give it more thought, there was a reason you two split, have those issues been resolved? It shouldn't be a quick decision on either side. Also more importantly you have a gf now. You are obviously considering reconciling with the ex wife, mother of your kids, so don't you think you should let your gf move on? I think remaining unattached to either love is a wise choice for you. Take time to figure out what you really want. Finish with current love, allow her to move on and find someone committed solely to her. Remain single. Give the yourself time to figure what you want. If ts still your ex wife then work together to build a relationship, making sure past mistakes, hurts, etc are talked through. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Why no divorce after 2 years? How does the live-in girlfriend feel about living with a still-married man? Does the girlfriend know you are going to meet your wife? So many unanswered questions... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WasOtherWoman Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 I would wonder what changed in your wife's life, since she is now amenable to a reconciliation, when last year she was not. Is it possible that maybe she was involved with someone, it ended and now she is using you as a safety net? I would try to figure out what has changed in her life, cause it sounds like something has. Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 (edited) My guess is that without significant notable change (epiphany) in both of you and your relationship - if you get back together you will return to old ways and habits of bickering that lead you to separate in the first place and for her to refuse you a year ago getting back. Also then there is your live in lover, who you appear to have minimal feelings for (lack of info) and any men she may have slept with in the mean time - which will muddy and complicate reconciling. Also your kids are doing well enough - so no benefit to them on any major level here. Nope not likely to work. P.S. - I know of one old GF (divorced at time) who returned back to her ex husband - it played out the same way as the first time. They are divorced again, and she is marrying another guy now. Edited August 19, 2014 by dichotomy Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 I feel like I still love my wife (can one really love 2 people) and notwithstanding some infrequent day to day bickering about really trivial stuff relating to how we co-parent, we seem to get on pretty well, having perhaps discovered a refreshed respect for each other. And not a word about how you feel about your partner. Have to agree, why would she want to be a part of this regardless of what happens? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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