sotiredofit Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 I'm just venting here... I've been married for 18 years (got married relatively young at 22). I can't say I've ever truly enjoyed being married to my wife but out of embarrassment or pride or the thought of my kids not having two parents around all the time, I've stayed married. I do love her but I think I'd love just about anyone who I've gone through so much together. She has always been very controlling, which I've learned to deal with. But, at 40, I feel like I should be able to go to a bar with another male friend without accusation. I guess there's a lot more to say but I want a divorce, I've wanted a divorce for a very long time now. I just don't seem to have the courage to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 One thing I find pretty sad (and sometimes hard to believe) about people preparing to divorce is that many of them claim they never really loved their spouses. I sure would hate to marry someone who would wait two decades to decide nah, they didn't really love me an the marriage was a mistake. But I digress... OP if your wife is so controlling and you're so unhappy then just end it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 hi sotiredofit Guess your tired eh? but of what? your marriage , your wife , yourself?? your title statement is wish it was worse? I`m wondering why? You wish it was worse so you could actually have an excuse to leave her because you don't have the guts to do it yourself? keep posting aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author sotiredofit Posted August 18, 2014 Author Share Posted August 18, 2014 I never said I didn't love her, in fact I said I did love her. I just don't think we were "soul mates". She's walked out on me many times (though returns literally several hours later), thrown her rings in my face. I think she feels the same way I do. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 One thing I find pretty sad (and sometimes hard to believe) about people preparing to divorce is that many of them claim they never really loved their spouses. I sure would hate to marry someone who would wait two decades to decide nah, they didn't really love me an the marriage was a mistake. But I digress... OP if your wife is so controlling and you're so unhappy then just end it. L,H yeah I agree 2 ppl get married for the very reason that they WILL be together for the rest of their lives alas things go wrong We can all finger point about whose to blame but where will get us? None of us have a crystal ball or can predict the future Live for the moment for that moment is now aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author sotiredofit Posted August 18, 2014 Author Share Posted August 18, 2014 aMguilts, The original thread was intended to be exactly what you said, wish it was worse so the decision would be a no brainer. I guess when I was younger I always felt like bear through it and it will eventually get better. Next thing you know, it's 18 years later and everything is the same. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 I never said I didn't love her, in fact I said I did love her. I just don't think we were "soul mates". She's walked out on me many times (though returns literally several hours later), thrown her rings in my face. I think she feels the same way I do. you think? sotiredofit? what do you want? I get the feeling you still want the marriage, you have just about had enough of her attitude to you and the way she treats you? aM Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 aMguilts, The original thread was intended to be exactly what you said, wish it was worse so the decision would be a no brainer. I guess when I was younger I always felt like bear through it and it will eventually get better. Next thing you know, it's 18 years later and everything is the same. so what ya gonna do? wait another 18 years? what exactly are you scared of? leaving her ? being on your own? starting again? aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author sotiredofit Posted August 18, 2014 Author Share Posted August 18, 2014 you think? sotiredofit? what do you want? I get the feeling you still want the marriage, you have just about had enough of her attitude to you and the way she treats you? aM It's much more complicated than putting in a comment box. Her walking out and throwing rings isn't exactly a daily event. At this point, her changing her outwardly treatment of me would only be that, her outwardly appearance. I just want a divorce. I guess the best thing would be to simply get an apartment and move out. It might be easy for some people, for others, not so much. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 It's much more complicated than putting in a comment box. Her walking out and throwing rings isn't exactly a daily event. At this point, her changing her outwardly treatment of me would only be that, her outwardly appearance. I just want a divorce. I guess the best thing would be to simply get an apartment and move out. It might be easy for some people, for others, not so much. I`m on your side ok? Course it`s not a daily event or you would not be here, would you need more info why would YOU have to move out? any kids together? mortgage on the house? are YOU being `bullied` by her?? aM Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 You're thinking about divorce. You'll slowly want it more and more unless there is some defining event that makes it immediate. Whether you get there in 6 months or 6 more years, I think you'll eventually make the decision to divorce. I've been there. My advice, do it sooner rather than later. If you wait, you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner, once you see how much better life can be without the stress and limitations. Of course, hindsight is 20/20. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sotiredofit Posted August 18, 2014 Author Share Posted August 18, 2014 I`m on your side ok? Course it`s not a daily event or you would not be here, would you need more info why would YOU have to move out? any kids together? mortgage on the house? are YOU being `bullied` by her?? aM We have two kids (18 and 5). I don't necessarily need to be the one who moves out but it makes the most sense. I work, she works part time but is going to be home full time in a couple weeks. I actually wouldn't mind being the one who leaves but I'd want shared custody of the 5 yo. Financials aren't the issue, but yes, mortgage and other stuff. I'm not "bullied" by her (well, I'm working off of the definition of "bullied" from when I was a kid). Link to post Share on other sites
Author sotiredofit Posted August 18, 2014 Author Share Posted August 18, 2014 I`m on your side ok? Course it`s not a daily event or you would not be here, would you need more info why would YOU have to move out? any kids together? mortgage on the house? are YOU being `bullied` by her?? aM And thanks, I recognize you are offering good advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sotiredofit Posted August 18, 2014 Author Share Posted August 18, 2014 You're thinking about divorce. You'll slowly want it more and more unless there is some defining event that makes it immediate. Whether you get there in 6 months or 6 more years, I think you'll eventually make the decision to divorce. I've been there. My advice, do it sooner rather than later. If you wait, you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner, once you see how much better life can be without the stress and limitations. Of course, hindsight is 20/20. Thanks Central. I agree but it seems like I always have an excuse (sick parent, work situation, kid finishing school etc) Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 Thanks Central. I agree but it seems like I always have an excuse (sick parent, work situation, kid finishing school etc) Those things will always occur. You can deal with most of them the same way - and sometimes better - when you're divorced. I think the procrastination is fear of the unknown, and fear of what you may lose. Things will be different, for sure. In my case they were also far better. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 Thanks Central. I agree but it seems like I always have an excuse (sick parent, work situation, kid finishing school etc) yes you have so you`d rather wait for her to do something than to actually `grow` a pair and just tell her it`s over?? come on!!!!! what are you scared of??? aM Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 You're thinking about divorce. You'll slowly want it more and more unless there is some defining event that makes it immediate. Whether you get there in 6 months or 6 more years, I think you'll eventually make the decision to divorce. I've been there. My advice, do it sooner rather than later. If you wait, you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner, once you see how much better life can be without the stress and limitations. Of course, hindsight is 20/20. ah missed this one :S but there is also a `defining` moment that is putting it off? I concur thou do it sooner than later Link to post Share on other sites
Author sotiredofit Posted August 18, 2014 Author Share Posted August 18, 2014 yes you have so you`d rather wait for her to do something than to actually `grow` a pair and just tell her it`s over?? come on!!!!! what are you scared of??? aM Part of me wants to argue with you but I know you are completely right. I also feel rotten doing it when things are on the upswing. A few weeks ago we were out and turned out to be a completely horrible night (she got drunk and made an ass out of herself, then screamed at me). I made the decision to leave her the next morning but she apologized and I wimped out. Right now though, things are peaceful between us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sotiredofit Posted August 18, 2014 Author Share Posted August 18, 2014 Those things will always occur. You can deal with most of them the same way - and sometimes better - when you're divorced. I think the procrastination is fear of the unknown, and fear of what you may lose. Things will be different, for sure. In my case they were also far better. Yep, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 Part of me wants to argue with you but I know you are completely right. I also feel rotten doing it when things are on the upswing. A few weeks ago we were out and turned out to be a completely horrible night (she got drunk and made an ass out of herself, then screamed at me). I made the decision to leave her the next morning but she apologized and I wimped out. Right now though, things are peaceful between us.[/quote You can argue with me if you want if it`ll help you need out but you don't know how to go about it? what`s on the `upswing`? You seem to think it bad about wanting out of your marriage? no one will judge you on here aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author sotiredofit Posted August 18, 2014 Author Share Posted August 18, 2014 Just wanted to say thanks to you guys for being honest and direct. I needed to hear it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 and between you and I I want out of my marriage too even after fighting to keep it I want out keep your chin up aM Link to post Share on other sites
Author sotiredofit Posted August 18, 2014 Author Share Posted August 18, 2014 You can argue with me if you want if it`ll help you need out but you don't know how to go about it? what`s on the `upswing`? You seem to think it bad about wanting out of your marriage? no one will judge you on here aM The upswing is the good times. We don't always fight, there are times where things are good. I decided I'm gonna get a few things in line and deliver the news. There won't ever be a "good" time to do it so I might as well just do it now. Ugh, not looking forward to it. I do truly love her and hope she will be ok. She's an attractive woman so I don't think she'll have a problem meeting someone new (at least this is what I'll tell myself). Link to post Share on other sites
Author sotiredofit Posted August 18, 2014 Author Share Posted August 18, 2014 and between you and I I want out of my marriage too even after fighting to keep it I want out keep your chin up aM So what's your excuse? Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 So what's your excuse? no excuse I`m leaving and have told her looking for somewhere else to live now cant wait to get out aM 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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