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NC with kids involved.....


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I've read many threads about NC with the x but not a whole lot of feedback/info about how to do this when there are children involved.

 

What is the best way to do this with kids in the picture? My life is a WHOLE lot better when their is no conversation. Any opinions would be greatly appreciated.

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TheBladeRunner
I've read many threads about NC with the x but not a whole lot of feedback/info about how to do this when there are children involved.

 

What is the best way to do this with kids in the picture? My life is a WHOLE lot better when their is no conversation. Any opinions would be greatly appreciated.

 

Hey OP, I "feel you" on this one. I had the same issue. This is one of my earlier posts, check it out and see if it helps:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/374190-nc-best-how-about-we-beef-up-lc

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You don't need active contact. If he already knows his visitation times and the rules to them, all you do is exchange one or two lines about the children.

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Shocked Suzie
You don't need active contact. If he already knows his visitation times and the rules to them, all you do is exchange one or two lines about the children.

 

Agree... Keep it minimal and don't pop personal info or advice, unless totally nessesary. They are two things that I did wrong in my early days;

 

1) my communication was all via email only - but thinking back now when communicating about the kids was also a small trying to hold on point of contact.

 

2) I could see 'through the saddness' of my kids where he was going wrong, causing them hurt and huge feelings of rejection...twice I tried to point this out cause I just wanted my kids to feel wanted. Both times were a BIG mistake and had the opposite effect.

 

I learnt after this simple contact was the best... Due to my children's ages I have NC... It's bliss , also that I had to focus on my new family unit and our happiness only.

 

SS x

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todreaminblue

I have always allowed my children to have contact with their dad......i havent stopped that...what i dis do was not talk to him when the break up was raw and painful for us both.....i do not fight it is pointless..if i have high emotion i will ony discuss when i am calm and rational....... when he rang or got my girls to call him on a regular basis so he wasnt calling my phone or the home phone......when he came interstate to see them i would arrange for them to be dropped off and picked up without me present...i talk to him on the phone now.....no problems no fights which is what i wanted.....due to what i feel to be the best for all involved his new partner him me and my girls..... i will not see him again....other than a wedding or a funeral......i still get my kids dropped off and picked up by family if he comes interstate for holiday.....that is the way it has to be ...we are phone friends, who have a long history and mutual parents that is all it should and can be..deb

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I let my ex know about anything that's important concerning the kids but other than that we don't speak at all.

 

No "how are you?" or anything like that. It's strictly business, not personal.

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I can't say I've been entirely successful with this but I will say that it does get better with time.

 

Keep your contact to a minimum.. only say what you have to say and keep it short.

 

10 months later and I'm finally starting to feel like we can communicate without it triggering me into a ball of mess.

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I let my ex know about anything that's important concerning the kids but other than that we don't speak at all.

 

No "how are you?" or anything like that. It's strictly business, not personal.

 

THAT has been the struggle, the issue. I am moving on or trying to at least and get a 'smiley' face first thing in the morning or 'just thinking about you'. NOT a big fan of cake eaters and that is one of the major reasons the relationship dissolved. I truly think she doesn't want me to be happy. Sorry, I am.

 

Don't feel that I can block the number either in case of an emergency. Thankfully though my oldest has a phone. I'm pretty up to date with the goings on around the house.

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THAT has been the struggle, the issue. I am moving on or trying to at least and get a 'smiley' face first thing in the morning or 'just thinking about you'. NOT a big fan of cake eaters and that is one of the major reasons the relationship dissolved. I truly think she doesn't want me to be happy. Sorry, I am.

 

Just ignore her. That's what I had to do to my exH. He'd randomly sext me and it use to piss me off so I know how you feel.

 

Let her text her life away...just don't answer. Hopefully she'll stop but it took mine eight years to get a clue :/

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Once my kids were old enough to have their own phone I no longer communicated with my ex.

 

I told him to communicate directly with them and I would do the same.

 

No reason to contact him - no reason for him to contact me.

 

Even 10 years later it's still the same. Only emergencies warrant contact. Like when my son had a car accident and was on his way to the hospital.

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i dont talk to my ex at all, unless its about the kids or finances. I drop them off at a common ground (public place). Hand him the kids and leave.

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Here's what I do...

 

All conversations are about kids only, and happen via text or email. If we get stuck in a face to face, keep it short and sweet. Again, only about the kids. If the conversation begins to drift off that topic, I end it immediately.

 

SOOOOOOO much easier.

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Just an update......

 

Think she might be freaking out a bit. Been a little over a week since I gave her the ultimatum. Not going to be involved with a cake eater. I have NOT broken no contact but she is begging to know if I am ok. I am fine. I am great. Just don't want to talk to you right now......

 

There have been no issues with the kids whatsoever and if there were, my oldest would have let me know by now. Should I have a family member contact her? Someone else? I'm not going to give in........

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Just an update......

 

Think she might be freaking out a bit. Been a little over a week since I gave her the ultimatum. Not going to be involved with a cake eater. I have NOT broken no contact but she is begging to know if I am ok. I am fine. I am great. Just don't want to talk to you right now......

 

There have been no issues with the kids whatsoever and if there were, my oldest would have let me know by now. Should I have a family member contact her? Someone else? I'm not going to give in........

 

No don't get family members involved because it's between you and her...don't add drama.

 

What do you need to get in contact with her about?

 

A simple "how are the kids?" works or "I'll be there at five on Friday" works better.

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No don't get family members involved because it's between you and her...don't add drama.

 

What do you need to get in contact with her about?

 

A simple "how are the kids?" works or "I'll be there at five on Friday" works better.

 

I don't need to get into contact with her about anything. Bills are being paid, I am current on what I owe.....there is nothing that I need to speak to her about.

 

We both made some poor decisions towards the end but when the weight of the entire debacle is placed on your back, kinda hard to want to communicate. In her mind she did nothing wrong......I have FULLY admitted my mistakes and have asked for forgiveness. She is in an on again off again relationship hence the reason I have NO desire to communicate. I'm living my life and today I'm good with it. This make sense?

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RonaldS's method of keeping all communication centered around the kids is great.

 

I'd add to that...keeping a running notebookd back and forth in one of their backpacks to help track appointments and issues is another good method to do that. No need to have more communication than that in most cases.

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RonaldS's method of keeping all communication centered around the kids is great.

 

I'd add to that...keeping a running notebookd back and forth in one of their backpacks to help track appointments and issues is another good method to do that. No need to have more communication than that in most cases.

 

She has lost the control she thought she had. Just how she is.......

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