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gettingthrough

My story: me and my husband have been married going on 18yrs, however we have been living apart for the last two yrs. through the last two years he and I have always remain apart of each other's lives, like hanging out, going out, staying over, having sex, in my mind I felt like we are still in a marriage! But over the last couple of years my husband has spent a lot time and money hanging out in the bar! We all know hanging in the bar like that seems to always bring trouble to any relationship, and for sure it has been one of our or should I say my problem with him! I just don't understand why someone would want to spend hours and every day in a bar! The bar life and the people in the bar have become his routine and family! In the last few months I have been feeling ignored, unimportant, and the only time I seem to get any attention is when we are involved sexual!! It's getting old! And I am getting angry! Part of me is thinking maybe I should just get a divorce and close this chapter of my life, but there is something holding me back from this decision! I really do love this guy, but no so sure he even loves me!

 

Tonight I called him just to see what's going on, I wasn't surprise to hear he was at the bar! He told me he was coming over after he finished his beer, we then planned to go to the store. Well a hour went by and no husband, so I called back, he pretty much gave excuse. So I found myself expressing how I felt, part of what I expressed was there shouldn't be no one there more important to him but me! Then to be told, his friends are, and that they are his family! Before I knew he threw some past stuff up to me, just as though it just happen!! Stuff like me putting my kids and family first, which it wasn't like the way he was expressing!! In the end he hung up, and I never responded back.. But any how things are different now, my kids don't live with me and my family lives far away, so it's not like I see them as much. I spend a lot of time alone, I feel alone! I am starting to feel depressed more over this. Not sure what to do.

 

On Friday him and his Bar friends are going on a tubing adventure, and no I was not included, he didn't seem interested in even taking me, he said I probably had to work anyhow. And yes I do work but it's just the point to be thought of. And yes this trip involves females too. It's one of the reasons I got more upset over his choice for not coming tonight like he said because these people will get his attention all weekend, besides they got it Monday too. On Tuesday I came home he was here exhausted and slept the whole time, so over all I got no time, no attention, no respect!

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My story: me and my husband have been married going on 18yrs, however we have been living apart for the last two yrs. through the last two years he and I have always remain apart of each other's lives, like hanging out, going out, staying over, having sex, in my mind I felt like we are still in a marriage!

 

Why all the trappings of marriage but separate residences :confused: ???

 

Mr. Lucky

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gettingthrough

We are living in two different residences because it started off taking time to figure out what he really wanted at my request since he was doing the things not cool in a marriage like hanging out with friends all the time, bartender becomes his best friend which is a women he started texting her, going to dinner just enjoying each other company!! I became jealous, insecure so I figured time apart would either make him realize what he is losing, but I never stayed away long enough to miss me or for him to see his lostThe only problem is he got comfortable and I settled for less!

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I guess that seems like an interesting approach given your legitimate concerns, none of which seems to have been addressed. If his bar time and relationships with other women were issues, your current set-up only seems to give him more time and space to go down that road.

 

To me, it would seem to make more sense to either go your own way or start MC in pursuit of a real, functioning relationship. This half-way limbo you're in doesn't appear very rewarding...

 

Mr. Lucky

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gettingthrough

The starting over is scary. I can't even imagine being with anyone else. But the dream of him realizing what he had is more important then what's out there doesn't seem to exist!

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If it stays the same you're still going to be miserable and alone.

 

Why not get the divorce finalized and date men that make you a top priority?

 

You are an option to him. It's not a good position to be in if you want to feel good about yourself.

 

Heck, you might even decide to move or travel for fun!

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I can't even imagine being with anyone else.

 

Unless you can turn yourself into a cocktail waitress or bartender, doesn't seem like you're much with him :( ...

 

Mr. Lucky

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