LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Separation and Divorce

Interesting observation on NC


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

Like Tree3Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 30th July 2014, 11:40 PM   #16
Established Member
 
BC1980's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 7,307
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1340V12 View Post
I've been through the heartbreak stage already and have accepted that it's over. That happened 7 months ago.
What was a trigger, was her wanting NC when she started dating. It hurt a little (not like when we split), but I was cool with it. Just bringing up observations about her attempts at NC and now how it is making me angry to the point where I am going to be doing it.

But thanks for the input.
If you've accepted that it's over, why are you trying to get her back?
BC1980 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st July 2014, 12:20 AM   #17
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by BC1980 View Post
If you've accepted that it's over, why are you trying to get her back?
t
Good question.
There is a difference between needing her back (right after break up wanting to immediately fill the void and stop the pain) and wanting her back (After much deliberation and soul searching, working on oneself, out of the depression thought process).

I want her back. If it happens, cool. If not, oh well. I keep moving on.
1340V12 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st July 2014, 3:10 PM   #18
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 21
Wink

Here is the no contact letter I sent to her this morning.
I sent it out of respect for her. We have way more good memories than bad throughout the relationship.

(name)

After much consideration, I agree with you about the decision to end the relationship. I believe it was the best thing for us. I have some really big life decisions ahead of me and I need some time to think them over. I would appreciate it if you did not contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.

Thank you for your understanding.

If issues arise with taxes, other logistical issues or an emergency, then I understand the need to communicate.


And here I go!
1340V12 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st July 2014, 3:16 PM   #19
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,328
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1340V12 View Post
Here is the no contact letter I sent to her this morning.
I sent it out of respect for her. We have way more good memories than bad throughout the relationship.

(name)

After much consideration, I agree with you about the decision to end the relationship. I believe it was the best thing for us. I have some really big life decisions ahead of me and I need some time to think them over. I would appreciate it if you did not contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.

Thank you for your understanding.

If issues arise with taxes, other logistical issues or an emergency, then I understand the need to communicate.


And here I go!
Not sure why you felt the need to send this. When you go No Contact, you just stop talking. You don't need a declarative "look at me" statement announcing it.
Simon Phoenix is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st July 2014, 3:21 PM   #20
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Simon Phoenix View Post
Not sure why you felt the need to send this. When you go No Contact, you just stop talking. You don't need a declarative "look at me" statement announcing it.
I get different sides to this. So I chose to send a letter. What does it matter?
1340V12 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st July 2014, 3:24 PM   #21
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,328
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1340V12 View Post
I get different sides to this. So I chose to send a letter. What does it matter?
It makes No Contact seem like a game, a hustle, a ruse, not genuine.
Simon Phoenix is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st July 2014, 3:28 PM   #22
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Simon Phoenix View Post
It makes No Contact seem like a game, a hustle, a ruse, not genuine.
Hmm...I can see that side to that.
Also, my particular job is dangerous with a high fatality rate. I don't want to concern her with suddenly dropping off the face of the planet.

Our breakup wasn't a nasty one. I feel I owe her at least a statement that I am no longer contacting her. It also outlines that contact is only to be made for the issues I stated above. It sets boundaries and reinforces them in my mind.

What's done is done.
1340V12 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st July 2014, 6:23 PM   #23
Established Member
 
flitzanu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: oklahoma
Posts: 2,389
so you sent her a letter saying, "i know you dumped me months ago, but i agree with your decision to dump me, it was for the best. also i'm going to ignore you and not talk to you, starting right after i send this letter to tell you i'm not talking to you".

this is way too much effort to just stop talking to someone that isn't showing any interest in getting back together with you.
flitzanu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st July 2014, 7:18 PM   #24
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by flitzanu View Post
so you sent her a letter saying, "i know you dumped me months ago, but i agree with your decision to dump me, it was for the best. also i'm going to ignore you and not talk to you, starting right after i send this letter to tell you i'm not talking to you".

this is way too much effort to just stop talking to someone that isn't showing any interest in getting back together with you.
Ok, whatever. Thanks anyway. What's done is done. So why is everyone beating a dead horse? I don't get it.
And did you read as to why I wrote it? Or is your reading comprehension that bad?
1340V12 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st July 2014, 10:19 PM   #25
Established Member
 
flitzanu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: oklahoma
Posts: 2,389
everyone is beating a dead horse because you're beating a dead horse. she already knows all of these things about you that you've said, i'm sure, and you're just reiterating to her what she's already said and done. if it made you feel better, awesome, but you were asking for advice about NC, and that's what everyone is giving you.
flitzanu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st July 2014, 10:31 PM   #26
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 17,330
Why even communicate with her when all she really does is continue to pick fights with you?

Do not communicate - ever! That means no more arguments!
2sunny is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st July 2014, 11:55 PM   #27
Established Member
 
Yasuandio's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,254
That Particular NC email can be sent at any point during break-up as a Reverse Psychology mechanism. Now, suddenly, according to the "Kick Loves Azz" theory (not a bad theory), she is like, "Huh?" "Wait a second, I thought I was calling the shots here?!?!?" "He agrees with the break-up? Wait, I broke up with him, I thought I was in charge of NC!" "Um, this is causing me discomfort - what's he up to?" "Maybe he met someone!" "Oh, no, maybe I made a mistake."

The way you will totally blow this is by breaking NC. Even for tax purposes. Have an accountant contact her. Kick Loves Azz is a very successful program of which I am a member. It works. Plan on it for a year - or you will not be taken seriously by your wife or the membership.

Plain and simple, period.

What are you talking, moving back there? That is the biggest con I ever heard, and that is what you will get told on the site if you are accepted.

Going dark - means disappearing. Stop talking from both sides of mouth like wife who is sleeping with bunch of guys. Get real man! You got the idea - but not full implementation is the key. Stay away. Tax - forget it. File separate. Who cares if it costs a little more. Isn't your sanity and future worth it? You want her to keep yanking your chain she installed? Ok, you got it from the horses mouth. I know ALL the programs. And this one is the best. Go Scott! Yas
__________________
"Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth." Mike Tyson
Yas http://www.loveshack.org/forums/brea...ration-divorce
Yasuandio is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st August 2014, 2:50 PM   #28
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 10,658
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1340V12 View Post
I want her back.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1340V12 View Post
After much consideration, I agree with you about the decision to end the relationship.
How do you go from former to latter in one day ???

As others have pointed out, lots of games being played here...

Mr. Lucky
Mr. Lucky is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Interesting observation about dating from reading The Paradox of Choice trevzilla General Relationship Discussion 0 24th March 2013 3:25 AM
Observation on BU Coping Vortex Breaks and Breaking Up 1 9th January 2013 11:07 AM
Interesting observation.... dmncoldworldgrl87 Breaks and Breaking Up 4 31st December 2010 6:20 AM
An observation... y0ss Breaks and Breaking Up 18 19th November 2005 6:06 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 3:51 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.