Sudden abandonment w/ a toddler

[Sorin]

Hi. I've been lurking around for a while, but couldn't find any answer so please if anyone could, do help me shed some lights as I'm in such a dark place right now.

 

I met my hubby, my best friend, partner, soulmate (or so I thought) 13 yrs ago. We fell in love and got married a year later. There were times where we had to move apart from one another we actually did great (he's Mediterranean and I'm from SE-Asia). Our love was so strong that everything seemed normal, I thought I was in in invincible.

 

I then moved to be in his city after being together for 5 yrs and it was tough. The culture and language I just about could manage and I did. After 8 yrs I think I found my peace. I missed my family and friends. But I stayed with him. Life had been good although I felt lonely. I've come from a very cosmopolitan background and people in the little city just aren't used to foreigners.

 

Fast forward 13 years later, we now have a toddler 20 months. We were on our way to move to my country (because economy is so bad where we were). We tried so hard and through IVF to have the baby girl. Anyway he just came home one day and said he doesn't love me anymore. And he bought a ticket for my toddler and I to return to my home country. He even resents me, is angry at me. Said marriage shouldn't be such hard work (me being a foreigner had been tough for him). He said I don't have family support in the city so it's all on him and it's unbearable. Life with our baby is lonely and he doesn't want that. That he can't see me being his partner for the next 10 years.

 

I was shocked. 5 mins before the "speech" I was talking to the estate agent to put a down payment for a flat we were suppose to rent. Basically I was chucked out of thr flat which I co-owned. I feel robbed when I had to pack 8 years of my life into 2 luggages in 3 days.

 

He Whatsapped and FaceTime just to see the little one. Nothing about me and all. I'm so heart broken. Just at the beginning of there year I had a beautiful flat which is my home, a job, a lovely baby and husband. And less than 6 months down the road I'm jobless (because he told me to quit and prepare for our move), without a roof over my head and is a single mom. Oh, he also told me I'm perfectly capable of being a good mother to our little one and that she's the best thing that he could give me.

I'm so hurt that it's physically painful. He just stopped loving me. I know it takes time. I know his love for me died sometime ago and he's ahead of me. But that doesn't ease the pain I'm going through.

In Sep he's suppose to come over (the date we were all suppose to come together). The same week he was suppose to be interviewed by the immigration officer for his permanent residency to my city. Now it's all up in the air. He said he wants to know by then he still loves me of not, and whether he loves me enough to move to my city or not. Even when I told him I've already given 8 yrs living in his city and I don't mind anymore he wouldn't listen. So I think it's all bull****.

I'm exhausted from all the thinking and my toddler. I just want to curl up into a ball and disappear.

I read all about S.W.A.S. Sudden wife abandonment syndrome. I got an online breakup coach. I took sleeping pills or herbal drugs to calm myself down. I can't do much more. I've been away from my city for almost 20 years. Returning now alone with a toddler is so taxing. My folks aren't used to me being around and I feel like I'm imposing on them too. It's all so wrong and I've got bald patches on my head. It's all so wrong...

[karnak]

I'm a man.

 

And I'm sorry for his actions. A guy that acts so callously and who treats his wife and child to the point of expelling them should be castrated.

 

I suspect that he probably found another woman.

 

Your pain must be unbearable. But please, be strong. Your child needs you now. And your child will never stop loving you. Not like your bastard of a husband.

 

The best thing that you can do right now is to concentrate in yourself and your child. Assume that your husband is dead. He is not worthy of your love or your pain. I know that this is better said than done.

But you have no other choice.

 

As I stated your child needs you. And the child will grow to be an adult. But for that to happen you have to be a stable and healthy mother.

Please, take good care of yourself. No man in the face of this planet is worthy of the destruction of your body and your mind.

[ashleyjohn]

Oh! That's really sad, I know exactly how you must be feeling now but frankly speaking, this is the time for your test (your physical and mental test). You need to put up a strong face and face the world. Every women is capable of doing a job and feeding her baby. So, go out and explore your options. Also, don't think anything negative.

[Eivuwan]

Wow, I'm speechless. This behavior is so selfish. I know that you are in deep pain right now and probably cannot even think straight. However, what you need to do is to stop letting him dictate everything and figure out what you want and what you want to do. Why does he have all the power in the relationship and why does he get to decide what happens to you when you divorce? Call a lawyer and understand your legal rights. I don't think you can be kicked out of a flat and be forced to move just like that. That's not how it works in my country anyway.

[lollipopspot]

Agree with the others. I also urge you to look at what you have, moreso than lamenting your losses. You have your health, decent parents (from what you very briefly mentioned), a place you can live, ability to work, and your child. There are women who are kicked out of the house and they have none of that, and they have a huge fight to keep their child and stay off the streets. It's very disappointing, and shocking, but with all you have going for you, you can rebuild.