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26 years and just an afterthought


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Ok here's the gist of my sob story. Last summer on a date night. I noticed my wife was constantly texting. After a while it got on my nerves cuz this was supposed to be our time together. So I said who the heck are you texting. And she said our daughter. I thought it was weird cuz they are not super close. Anyhow the next night Sunday we are watching a movie and the texting is still going on. After I got back from getting a drink I came behind her and could read the text. It said I miss you so much and will see you tomorrow. I didn't say anything. But when she went to bed I went on line and checked her phone details. It wasn't my daughter. And it was400 texts in one month. Next morn I confronted her and she said it was her boss. His wife had an addiction and she was helping him through it. Now this is the same boss who she went to a trade show overnight with once every year. And one time she pocket dialled me and the talk was pretty racy. Any how fast forward six months and she wants to spend some time apart. No councilling just sell the house and go our separate ways for a while. I agreed to this and this is what we told our kids who are older. 24,22,and 17. Anyhow the house is sold and we are moving in three weeks and she says she's going out with the girls to look at furniture. I am at the neighbours chatting. And she pocket dials me again. This time you can hear them going at it. I gave the phone to my neighbour to get her to confirm what I was hearing and she did. We'll she gets home I confront her and she says she loves him. It's her boss. She made me promise not to tell the kids. She would do it in her own time. We'll that was two months ago. She is having a great time going to work and going out in the evenings with you know who. I have our youngest on the weekends. And I imagine she is buffing up a storm then. Now my question is this. Should I tell my kids? And what I want to really do is walk into their dealership and let everyone there know what's going on. Cuz it is still a secret. And he said he is separating from his wife because of her addiction. I am gutted but in no way want her back. As I think this has been going on for years. I hate the fact that I am alone,and she has a great life ahead of her. He is very wealthy. Any thoughts? Boy it feels good just to let that out of the bag.

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Well, it is pretty sad though what happened to you. But people are walking through our path for some reason either give us a lesson or give us strength. Honestly as a single mother I think you better be honest with your children because they should deserve the truth about family happenings. The best thing is they hear from their own parents what is going on. Than they got to hear from neighbors or some one else, but don't criticize your wife with your kids don't plant or grow hate inside of them. Let them to decide that just speak the truth. That is the best thing you can do as a good father! Good luck!

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Ahhhh the infamous relationship between ssome women and their boss... Mine did the same thing after 23 years together and three girls, she left me after 2 years of relation with her boss... But don't worry, I have done research on the Internet with this kind of relations... Because of the nature of it, it is mostly a relationship between a dominant and a submissive because of the specificity of the initial relationship (employee/boss). So it never last very long. I thought mine would have stayed 2 years with him before an explosion, and they finally split after only 4 months together (he finally beat her cause too jaleous).. Because the spice of doing something hiding plus the relation employee boss end with the fact they will start a real life together... And that's when the masks will fall down... So just wait and see...

But tell your kids.... why would you accept her conditions.. she is the pervert.. not you.... And you will see.. yours kids will take your side as mine took my side as well ;-)

Good luck

Edited by Bluesandy
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Thanks for the kind words. I have decided to give her one more week to tell the kids. Whenever we talk or text now it just turns hurtful. Mostly my fault. So I told her just email me about our kids university bills and lets give each other allot of space. Although I really want to go to their work and blow their cover.

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Expose them, if he is married contact his wife and tell her what's really going on. She's checked out, you need to focus on your well being. Detach, take control of things you can control such as telling your children about her affair. Don't leave important decisions to her, she's already proven that she makes poor decisions.

 

Talk to a lawyer, protect your children, protect your finances. Trial separations are their way of having pornstar sex without the guilt of cheating. Why waste anymore time, have the papers drawn up and serve her. I too got the, "let's take a break, we need time apart, see how we feel crap," she was banging an airline pilot and her married boss the very first week we were apart. Waiting around for her to decide will tear your heart out, she has her fun and knows you are still her backup if things don't work out with her boss. Talk to a lawyer.

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Expose them, if he is married contact his wife and tell her what's really going on. She's checked out, you need to focus on your well being. Detach, take control of things you can control such as telling your children about her affair. Don't leave important decisions to her, she's already proven that she makes poor decisions.

 

Talk to a lawyer, protect your children, protect your finances. Trial separations are their way of having pornstar sex without the guilt of cheating. Why waste anymore time, have the papers drawn up and serve her. I too got the, "let's take a break, we need time apart, see how we feel crap," she was banging an airline pilot and her married boss the very first week we were apart. Waiting around for her to decide will tear your heart out, she has her fun and knows you are still her backup if things don't work out with her boss. Talk to a lawyer.

 

This ^^^^^^^^

 

I would also add to expose them at work too.

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Justanaverageguy
This ^^^^^^^^

 

I would also add to expose them at work too.

 

From a guy who has been cheated on .... I would not hide what happened but personally I think getting vindictive and petty does not achieve anything.What would he get out of it ? Do you honestly think telling people at her work would make it feel any better ? Its just going to cause a ****-storm the kids will be dragged into and likely make him look like a sad desperate angry man. Like how would you even have that conversation to expose them .... ring the office randomly and just say - "I'm just calling to let you know my wife is ****ing your boss ....."

 

Honestly the best way to move on is to concentrate on yourself and think as little about her as possible. I know easier said then done - but the only way to truly get better is to let go of the anger and hatred and stop thinking about your ex. People will find out what happened eventually anyway - being the bigger man and acting with some dignity and class while its happening is underrated. Makes her actions look even worse.

 

I would recommend setting some life goals for yourself. Things you want to improve or something on your bucket list you never got to achieve and go after them. You have grown kids and some free time so why not - get fit, stop smoking or reduce your drinking - learn another language. Hell anything your interested in - join some groups that get you interacting with new people.

 

Lastly happiness is not a competition - stop comparing yourself to your wife. If you are happy then who cares what she is doing .... not your problem anymore.

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Poppygoodwill

What would be the point in telling your children, or having them know from her - except to paint your soon to be ex wife in a bad light? It is galling and you certainly deserve some retribution, but getting to her through the children is not the way to do it.

 

In matters related to the kids, it's best to take the high road.

If I were you, I would certainly tell all our friends and adult people around us, so that there would be no doubt about who is at fault. But the kids, well, they don't need to know their mother is a lying cheater. Anyhow, they'll figure it out if he starts to come around not long after you move apart.

That's how I knew my motehr was cheating when my parent's divorced, becuase the very first night we moved to our new house, the phone rang and it was the Other Man. My father never had to say a thing.

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From a guy who has been cheated on .... I would not hide what happened but personally I think getting vindictive and petty does not achieve anything.What would he get out of it ? Do you honestly think telling people at her work would make it feel any better ? Its just going to cause a ****-storm the kids will be dragged into and likely make him look like a sad desperate angry man. Like how would you even have that conversation to expose them .... ring the office randomly and just say - "I'm just calling to let you know my wife is ****ing your boss ....."

 

Honestly the best way to move on is to concentrate on yourself and think as little about her as possible. I know easier said then done - but the only way to truly get better is to let go of the anger and hatred and stop thinking about your ex. People will find out what happened eventually anyway - being the bigger man and acting with some dignity and class while its happening is underrated. Makes her actions look even worse.

 

I would recommend setting some life goals for yourself. Things you want to improve or something on your bucket list you never got to achieve and go after them. You have grown kids and some free time so why not - get fit, stop smoking or reduce your drinking - learn another language. Hell anything your interested in - join some groups that get you interacting with new people.

 

Lastly happiness is not a competition - stop comparing yourself to your wife. If you are happy then who cares what she is doing .... not your problem anymore.

 

 

 

This does sound very mature and reasonable and like something that the Proper And Appropriate Behavior Society would put their stamp of approval on.

 

 

- I advocate ratting them out at work anyway.

 

 

Most companies have actual policies against sexual contact between bosses and underlings and policies against contact in the work place and it's a good bet that all of their grab-assing was don't off the clock and off-location.

 

 

Why shouldn't they experience any repercussions from what they have done? Why should be able to get away with it scot-free.

 

 

Make them feel some pinch for their behavior. It will help lift the fog of their affair and start getting down to business once they start paying some of the price.

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What would be the point in telling your children, or having them know from her - except to paint your soon to be ex wife in a bad light? It is galling and you certainly deserve some retribution, but getting to her through the children is not the way to do it.

 

In matters related to the kids, it's best to take the high road.

If I were you, I would certainly tell all our friends and adult people around us, so that there would be no doubt about who is at fault. But the kids, well, they don't need to know their mother is a lying cheater. Anyhow, they'll figure it out if he starts to come around not long after you move apart.

That's how I knew my motehr was cheating when my parent's divorced, becuase the very first night we moved to our new house, the phone rang and it was the Other Man. My father never had to say a thing.

 

 

 

The point of him telling the kids is so they don't hold him responsible for it or think that he is to blame. The point is so they don't hold any resentment and bitterness towards him for something that he didn't do.

 

 

Sometimes taking the high road simply means taking that is going to be the most efficient and painfree route to your end-destination and if your end-destination is to life a good life and have a good relationship with your children, it means not wasting any time where the kids are wondering what you did to screw things up.

 

 

When someone is simply informing someone of the cold-hard-facts, it's not "badmouthing" it is simply relaying factual information so that they are informed of what is happening in their lives.

 

 

Saying, "we are separating and moving towards divorcing at this time because she is involved with another many and has chosen to remain with him instead of working things out at home." Is NOT badmouthing her. It is simply stating the factual reason on why their parents are packing their sht and moving out of the house.

 

 

These kids are adults. They have the right to know what is actually happening in their lives and in their parents lives.

 

 

He gave her the benefit of the doubt in letting her tell them on her terms. Well but she isn't holding up that end of the bargain and so I think giving her a deadline and if she doesn't tell them by a certain time, he will, is a perfectly valid plan.

 

 

I think he should hand her his phone and say, "OK here you go. You have 5 minutes."

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Poppygoodwill
The point of him telling the kids is so they don't hold him responsible for it or think that he is to blame. The point is so they don't hold any resentment and bitterness towards him for something that he didn't do.

 

Ah, but he didn't say the kids are holding him responsible. He said he's watching her have a great time while he suffers in silence. Revealing her infidelity to get back at her is very different than truth-telling to defend yourself.

 

It's beyond naive and disingenuous to think that it's possible for this sort of news to come as a neutral stating of the facts.

 

If he tells his children this news he will put them in the position of taking sides. If they don't turn against her for her betrayal, they will be hurting their father. If they do turn against her, they will be hurting their mother. No child, no matter how old, wants to be in that position. No good parent who is thinking past their own pain and anger to the well-being of the kids, would knowingly put them in that position.

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So D-Day came and went. So I drove to her work and as I was walking in called her. I asked if she thought I could come to her work and talk to "Bob" ? She laughed and said no way. I said I was coming up the stairs and where is his office. She asked if I was serious? I said yes where is it. She said ime coming wait. She came rushing around a corner and I could see she was terrified. She could barely catch her breath. And said please please don't do this. I said I just want to talk to him. She said ok and led me around and down some stairs and out a door and we were outside. I said come on. She said please I will call him and we can meet at a coffee shop.i said no way where do I go. She said ask rec:mad:epsilon and ran to her car and took off. So I went to reception and asked to see Bob. She asked who wanted to see :mad:him and I told her my name. It clicked. she said oh hi I remember you from the Xmas party. I could see him get the call in his glass office. He straightened up and came right out. I could see he was quite nervous and said can we step outside. We went out and I just wished him luck with her and said it felt good to look him in the eyes. He said it just happened over time. I told him I was going right for divorce. And said she promised to tell the kids but didn't. So I was going to. I shook his hand and walked away. I went home and told the kids. And they said they kinda already knew. From her little lies that she told them. Oh and I did lean over and whisper to the receptionist while waiting for him. " did you know they were having an affair?". She stared ahead and shuffled papers. So that little bomb has probably gone off right through the dealership by now. I feel better already not so much the victim as I felt before. And am going to try to move ahead into the future without her.

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bubbaganoosh

I always say that if you play with fire, you get burnt. She played. He played and now let them feel the heat.

 

If I were you, I would hot foot it to the bank and start new accounts before it's all gone and get new credit cards in your name only.

 

The find a lawyer, file and to put the cherry on top, have her served at work where this whole mess started.

 

She bought it and now she owns it and I wouldn't make it easy on her. If she's still going to be living at your home until the divorce, then you make sure that she sleeps in the spare room, and all the living expenses are split down the middle. No exceptions. If she isn't willing then tell her to go live with her boss. Mortgage, car payments, insurance, gas, utilities, phone, food split down the middle. If she can't afford it, then make her sign an agreement and have it drawn up legally that any added expenses you have to pay for will come out of her half of the assets. That should dry up her vagina for a while.

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Hey Bubba we already are separated,sold the house split everything down the middle. We have one joint account to pay for the kids university. And believe me her vagina is not dry. I have her email password. They are hooking up every time I have our son. I know I shouldn't spy but I can't help myself. Just reading about their little pet names and how they can't wait to hook up again. Is making me want to move on at the speed of light and get on with my own ****. I don't really feel the need for a new relationship just yet. But I do want to start out socially on my own.

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