hillbilly Posted July 18, 2014 Share Posted July 18, 2014 Well about three months ago i caught my wife sending inappropriate pics to another guy. Well we got into an argument and she left to go live with her aunt. taking our four year old daughter with her. Well normally this isnt a big deal cause both me and her have done stupid stuff in the past. But never physically cheated on each other. Well i got the whole i love you but im not in love with you. So at that point i knew something was up. But did all the wrong things by begging and pleading for her to come home. Well she ended up hooking up with a friend of her friends and started dating him within the first week of leaving me. Which at first ticked me off since we are still married. Then one night my daughter tells me that the other man had helped punish her by hiding her favorite blaket till she ate her cereal. Well that was enough to get me to text my stbx and ask her wth was he doing helping discipline her. well he calls from a blocked number running his mouth. i lost my cool and told him to meet me at a local store if he was such a tough guy. which yes i realize was totally stupid of me. but being a former Marine i have a temper at times. but i cooled off and he wasnt going to show. So at this point im totally ready for divorce. Catch is i told her to file and i would agree to what terms she wants. Im not paying for something i didnt originally want. our assets are already split and the only thing that needs talked about is child support. problem is she refuses to talk about it at all. She also refuses to talk about anything that isnt to do when i pick my daughter up or drop her off. Till yesterday she calls and says our daughter is saying she wants to live with me and that why did she leave daddy when daddy didnt do anything bad. She was pretty much accusing me of brain washing our kid. which isnt true she is just a daddys girl. i love her more than anything on this planet. And all ive told her is daddy had loved mommy. But mommy stopped loving daddy to love another man. nothing malicious. And of course my wife makes our kid live at his place till its trade off time. Another thing is my kid is not close to her mother. reason is when i got out of the Marines when my kid was born i took a great paying job and worked midnights providing everything for both my wife and kid. but of course that cut into my time hanging with my kid. but i always made sure to spend three hours outta my day with her. while all my lazy ass wife did was play warcraft and ignore our daughter. And from what my daughter says she still ignores her. So yea i just wanted to post my story to get it off my chest. i dont talk to many people anymore. but this website has helped me put my mind at ease by reading other people stories. Link to post Share on other sites
I am Bud Posted July 18, 2014 Share Posted July 18, 2014 Dear hillbilly From the sounds of things your relationship has definitely run it's course. It seems like you have both outgrown this relationship and need find closure and move on. To the extent that your soon to be ex is entirely engrossed in her own interests has caused a rift in her relationship with her daughter. Kids are smart and they know when a parent is there for them and cares about them and the one who is not. Let's hope that your ex will be wise enough to spend less time on the internet and invest some more quality time with your daughter. To the extent that your daughter has a great relationship with you is fantastic. Make sure that you cultivate this relationship by having plenty of time to be able to spend with her. Even if you have to find another job to reduce your work hours. Making sure that your family is taking care of is an admirable quality but this has to be balanced with emotional and moral support as well. So learn from your previous relationship and learn to be there physically for your daughter and future partner. Also be careful not to become too reclusive with the people who have supported you. Divorces are one of the most traumatic experiences that a person can go through. Keeping in touch with others gives us strength as people. Even if it just catching up for a few minutes everyday it makes a big difference to be connected and to stay in touch. All the best - Bud. Link to post Share on other sites
Dspawn76 Posted July 18, 2014 Share Posted July 18, 2014 Wow, more of the doomsayers. Sure, she's gone, but forever? Relationship has run it's course? HOw many stories are on here and other sites that started out the same way and end up reconciling? Sure, not as many as we'd like, but on his first post about the story and his first response is that? I'm sorry this is happening to you bub. I really am. I hate to ask a question that I've asked a few times already to others, but here it is. Has your wife been taking any sort of medication / drugs? Perhaps Antidepressants or mood stablizers etc? I've just been taking scores of such. Good luck with your sitch. I hope it turns out for your daughter and you. Link to post Share on other sites
SummerDreams Posted July 18, 2014 Share Posted July 18, 2014 The first step should be to meet your wife at a coffee place and discuss with her seriously and honestly what she is planning to do and what you are planning to do. Then you should find a lawyer, tell him the situation (how your daughter is ignored or disciplined by a stranger) and let him tell you your rights. After that you have to proceed to divorce and see what the court decides about the kids. This woman is not worthy of a second chance. She is not made to be a mother and it's a shame women like this get to have kids while others who deserve it don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hillbilly Posted July 18, 2014 Author Share Posted July 18, 2014 First thanks for the advice so far. Also the doom and gloom advice is totally fine. after the initial shock of her leaving and showing her true colors im fine with divorce. As for her taking medication she did not. but when she first left she kept complaining she was depressed but yet happy. made no sense to me. i offered to get her help if she wanted it. as for getting her to talk like adult is bout impossible. she alwas just says she don't know or will talk about it later. I a also get my kid half the week so that's not so bad right now. which is why i haven't went to a lawyer myself.but i will probably be changing jobs late this year. at which point i have to get everyting straightened out. Link to post Share on other sites
larryblanchard Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 I think it is best to talk about all your problems and try to solve them together. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 You should see a lawyer and get a divorce. It rarely makes sense to ask a court for directions regarding child arrangements when there is already a mutually acceptable timetable in place. you seem (reasonably) happy with the current arrangements and so does she, so don't rock that boat. Just get a divorce and sort out your financial issues, if she refuses to negotiate amicably then see a lawyer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Thruster Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Well Hillbilly: 1: yea beating the crap out of him won't do you any good so give me a call and i'll do it for you pal 2: mom will brain wash the kid -- no doubt about it 3: time for a new start -- she is gone / not returning to what you had sucks -- hate to hear what happened (hope it felt good to get someone to listen) get as much custody as you can and hit the new life reset good luck hillbilly Link to post Share on other sites
Author hillbilly Posted August 1, 2014 Author Share Posted August 1, 2014 Just an update for ya'll. We have gotten the divorce paperwork and are ironing out the small details. everything is pretty amicable so far. actually haven't been this happy in awhile. so thanks for the responses and hope everyone is doing well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
camillalev Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 This woman sounds horrible. No offense OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hillbilly Posted August 1, 2014 Author Share Posted August 1, 2014 No offense taken. she has completely changed from when we first met. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 No offense taken. she has completely changed from when we first met. Most of them do when the proverbial crap hits the fan. You have friends misleading them putting ideas into their head, and they can't think straight. The spitefulness comes out and they want to stick that knife in you so deep I love women to bits (the rational ones), but boy there are a lot of crazy ones out there, looking for a free ride in life i.e. what is mine is mine, and what is yours is ours. The key is to always marry an equal, and don't fall into the strap of stay at home parent Link to post Share on other sites
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