ladybug1984 Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 The brief version: Would it be a red flag to you as a single person to get involved with someone who is separated, supposedly divorcing, who has a long-term history of multiple separations in a 25 year long marriage? The reasons explained have been that they just have fallen out of love and don't understand each other, fight a lot, etc., but they kept getting back together for the sake of the kids. The kids have been grown for a while now, but even five years ago this guy separated from his wife but got back together for the sake of the grown kids............just wondering WHY SO MANY separations and if this is 'normal'???? I have friends who have been married many years and while they may have times when they have had big fights or major disagreements, MAYBE one of them left for a night or maybe even a few days, but these repeated separations ranging from 2 weeks - 6 months just don't seem NORMAL to me. Am I wrong?? I am afraid it's already too late in terms of being vested in the relationship, but yet have to wonder if there ever WILL be a D, or if this could go on until infinity and better to just break myself from it all now? Link to post Share on other sites
notserene Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 These two are obviously attached to each other. I'd stay away until the guy was actually divorced...whenever that day comes. Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 Definitely do not get involved. I'm sure there are men out there with better boundaries and decisiveness. He seems unreliable. Link to post Share on other sites
GoBlue Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 I appreciate the question - it appears to me that you have answered it yourself. It clearly is a "red flag" to you or you would not be asking. I guess I would follow up with a few other questions - do you want to have a relationship with a man who is NOT divorced? Do you want to have a relationship with a man who "separates" when he has "fallen out of love"? What would the foundation of a relationship with this man be - his feelings? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ladybug1984 Posted July 15, 2014 Author Share Posted July 15, 2014 Unreliable, too attached to each other, YES to both. I thought maybe multiple splits were not necessarily a red flag, and that it was more common than I thought. Just because I don't see it in my friends and social circles doesn't mean it isn't happening and maybe I am just ignorant of the fact that is a normal part of a relationship...........but it's sounding like maybe that is NOT the case. I'm glad I am putting some thought into this, for sure! Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGypsy Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 I wouldn't say normal or not normal. That's subjective. However, personally? Not a guy I'd be willing to take a chance on based on that information. Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 It's dysfunctional and it is what works for them. That's why they repeat the cycle over and over. Do not get involved. You will just provide fuel to their love phase when they get back together. If they divorce, wait a while to see it sticks. Proceed with extreme caution, and above all, don't hang around waiting for the guy because chances are the history will repeat itself. Link to post Share on other sites
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