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Divorcing only because no longer wanting to be married


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There's a woman I know that's a 50 year old great grandmother. Yeah, she has southern roots, small town mentaility where people pop out kids before even becoming a legal adult. But that's the way it is in some of these backwater towns.

 

She's currently separated from her husband and they are living separately. But she said, "I've raised my kids, grand kids, and raised my husband, but it's now time for "me"."

 

Selfish way of thinking I suppose, but not sure what she entirely means by "raised her husband" either. Maybe she's making some kind of inference there? That her soon-to-be ex doesn't know how to take care of himself?

 

However, he still is the "handy man" in her life and comes over to her place to fix things around her house.

 

But it sounds simply enough she just wants to be "single" now.

 

Think that's kind of a lame reason to divorce? Because they want "Me time"?

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There's a woman I know that's a 50 year old great grandmother. Yeah, she has southern roots, small town mentaility where people pop out kids before even becoming a legal adult. But that's the way it is in some of these backwater towns.

 

She's currently separated from her husband and they are living separately. But she said, "I've raised my kids, grand kids, and raised my husband, but it's now time for "me"."

 

Selfish way of thinking I suppose, but not sure what she entirely means by "raised her husband" either. Maybe she's making some kind of inference there? That her soon-to-be ex doesn't know how to take care of himself?

 

However, he still is the "handy man" in her life and comes over to her place to fix things around her house.

 

But it sounds simply enough she just wants to be "single" now.

 

Think that's kind of a lame reason to divorce? Because they want "Me time"?

 

If it is okay to them what is your problem about it? Why you bother about some ones problem? Just saying I mean for me it does not matter about other people's life style or divorce as far as I am not attached to it.

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I see no problem with it. If a person no longer wants to be married - for any reason - who are you to say they are wrong for choosing a path that will make them happy?

 

Not all people want to be in relationships; maybe this woman is ready to not have the responsibilities of others and wants a life unencumbered.

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Glinda.Good

It's nice that she still has a friendly relationship with her former husband. Sounds like it is working fine for him as well.

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To answer your question very clearly - "yes" it is a selfish reason to get divorced. I am not really sure, however, when selfishness is not a part of divorce. One or both partners are doing something that is not in the best interest of the other person or they are only looking out for themselves. Why else would a person cheat, verbally/physically abuse their partner, seek to control every detail of the relationship, or argue and fight incessantly. Clearly there are more details then have been shared here but it is a general answer to a general question.

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TheBladeRunner
Think that's kind of a lame reason to divorce? Because they want "Me time"?

 

This is EXACTLY why my XW had the A's and we then divorced.....she needed her "Girl time". Lame?.....yes, but it is what it is.

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GorillaTheater

I'm having more trouble with the idea of a 50-year-old great grandmother than I am with her choice to leave the marriage.

 

If her ex is till willing to fix her crap, I assume there was no affair, though it's by no means out of the question. Sometimes relationships just die. Just got through writing a PM that touches on THAT subject.

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Not uncommon OP. Things don't have to be earthshatteringly ugly for people to want to move on. They settle up their stuff and proceed to the next chapter of life. As people live longer and longer, it becomes even more common. If you follow the public records of people of all walks of life who are in the public eye, you'll see such evidence, both in multiple marriages and multiple partnerships in between marriages or after the last marriage. Companionship is transitory. The only thing for sure is that we live and we die.

 

Is it selfish to have such a mindset? Perhaps! One thing that life has taught me is that no one cares more about oneself than oneself. Expecting or bargaining for the care of others is tenuous at best. Share what one feels like sharing and then move on. I see it every day and had to make some big adjustments to survive and thrive in that environment. Part of life is adjusting to the real. Accepting it.

 

I'll bet great grandma will do just fine. Other men that fancy her will stop around to fix her stuff and maybe she'll have a companion or two when she feels like it. She'll find new interests and hobbies that put a smile on her face. She might take a lover along the way. She'll do what she does. Her life. Her choices. It works!

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If you haven't seen records of her everyday life for the past decades, you cannot judge her. Maybe she's selfish, maybe she's just been taking care of everything for years without having time to breathe on her own. You're not in the grave with 50.

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amaysngrace
I'm having more trouble with the idea of a 50-year-old great grandmother than I am with her choice to leave the marriage.

 

Yea....same....

 

But it sounds simply enough she just wants to be "single" now.

 

So you want to bone her or what?

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I am getting more and more surprised at some of the responses these type of questions.

 

Seems like so many people now days are acting like it's fine to divorce for whatever reason as long as it makes the person happy.

 

It's almost as if people are ignoring the selfishness of it all. I mean hell, if it makes me happy to go and murder folks, does that mean it's ok? Does that mean it should now be morally decent to do so, just because it makes me happy?

 

How many times have we seen on this site and all the others that people get blinded by what they THINK will make them happy... and in a lot of cases they realize down the road they fked up and how wrong that was for them to do such a thing.

 

"If it makes them happy..." Makes me throw up, really. I've seen too many mothers do this. Destroying families and hurting so many others just because someone hit on them and it made them feel good.

 

I say this: "If you're someone who thinks this way, you should never get married. It'll never be fair to get someone involved who DOES honor vows only to find out that you are someone who'll jump up and run just because you think that you should be able to run off with other people just because it 'feels good' "

 

I just hate seeing people who feel it's ok to promise (vows) to love someone and start a family etc for the rest of their lives and then go "Well, I want out now.. I want to be happy" without even trying to figure out WHAT IT IS that will make them happy, or what it is that's keeping them from it. If you're that way, just shouldn't marry. Period.

 

Perhaps I'm just in an angry mood because I'm watching this very thing happen with a lovely 7 yo in the mix. I hate selfish people.....

Edited by Dspawn76
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Yea....same....

 

 

 

So you want to bone her or what?

 

 

lmfao

that`s the funniest reply I`ve seen in a long time!!!

 

 

just wondering now whose going to be incited for being `off topic`

me or you?

`prolly` me

 

:S

aM

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PerfectStorm

I guess the issue is that it's morally wrong to leave marriage for anything other than abuse or adultery.

 

My views are that no one is responsible for your happiness but you. And people change their minds over a 30 year time span. You said south so I'm assuming it's much like where I'm from in the midwest. People settle down young in the "sticks" often times men go from parental home to marital home with not much time in between. I've seen many instances of the "raising" of the husband. Sounds like she fell out of love, has devoted most of her life to her family and is ready to be selfish. There are no guarantees in life if that's what makes her happy, so be it.

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I am getting more and more surprised at some of the responses these type of questions.

 

Seems like so many people now days are acting like it's fine to divorce for whatever reason as long as it makes the person happy.

 

It's almost as if people are ignoring the selfishness of it all. I mean hell, if it makes me happy to go and murder folks, does that mean it's ok? Does that mean it should now be morally decent to do so, just because it makes me happy?

 

How many times have we seen on this site and all the others that people get blinded by what they THINK will make them happy... and in a lot of cases they realize down the road they fked up and how wrong that was for them to do such a thing.

 

"If it makes them happy..." Makes me throw up, really. I've seen too many mothers do this. Destroying families and hurting so many others just because someone hit on them and it made them feel good.

 

I say this: "If you're someone who thinks this way, you should never get married. It'll never be fair to get someone involved who DOES honor vows only to find out that you are someone who'll jump up and run just because you think that you should be able to run off with other people just because it 'feels good' "

 

I just hate seeing people who feel it's ok to promise (vows) to love someone and start a family etc for the rest of their lives and then go "Well, I want out now.. I want to be happy" without even trying to figure out WHAT IT IS that will make them happy, or what it is that's keeping them from it. If you're that way, just shouldn't marry. Period.

 

Perhaps I'm just in an angry mood because I'm watching this very thing happen with a lovely 7 yo in the mix. I hate selfish people.....

 

Well I agree with you up to a point. The problem is that the OP really didn't tell us much about this couple's history. He never said the wife was divorcing her husband, he only said they were living separately. He also never said anything about the wife running off to be with someone else.

 

 

We don't know enough about this couples situation to be able to judge. Who knows what trials and tribulations they experienced over the lifespan of their marriage? Maybe there were affairs or abuse at some point. Maybe the wife spent her entire life putting her husband and children before herself, while they took her for granted and treated her like a house servant. Maybe the husband understands her reasons and agrees that she should take some time for herself. Maybe that's why he is being a source of support for her still. There are no small children being hurt by this, so if this couple is okay with their current arrangement then who are we to judge them?

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Many couples make this mistake nowadays- searching for an identity for themselves after many years of marriage. 'Me time' is very essential to enjoy life. It does not mean you have to separate from your spouse. You can give each other space in your married life and this makes your relationship very tension and stress free. The lady you are talking about seems to have made a very strange and unnecessary decision.

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I am getting more and more surprised at some of the responses these type of questions.

 

Seems like so many people now days are acting like it's fine to divorce for whatever reason as long as it makes the person happy.

 

It's almost as if people are ignoring the selfishness of it all. I mean hell, if it makes me happy to go and murder folks, does that mean it's ok? Does that mean it should now be morally decent to do so, just because it makes me happy?

 

How many times have we seen on this site and all the others that people get blinded by what they THINK will make them happy... and in a lot of cases they realize down the road they fked up and how wrong that was for them to do such a thing.

 

"If it makes them happy..." Makes me throw up, really. I've seen too many mothers do this. Destroying families and hurting so many others just because someone hit on them and it made them feel good.

 

I say this: "If you're someone who thinks this way, you should never get married. It'll never be fair to get someone involved who DOES honor vows only to find out that you are someone who'll jump up and run just because you think that you should be able to run off with other people just because it 'feels good' "

 

I just hate seeing people who feel it's ok to promise (vows) to love someone and start a family etc for the rest of their lives and then go "Well, I want out now.. I want to be happy" without even trying to figure out WHAT IT IS that will make them happy, or what it is that's keeping them from it. If you're that way, just shouldn't marry. Period.

 

Perhaps I'm just in an angry mood because I'm watching this very thing happen with a lovely 7 yo in the mix. I hate selfish people.....

 

I agree with this post but I do find it hard to comment on the OP because it is all just speculation. This isn't first hand experience but merely conjecture.

 

And the responses here surprise me also. I guess it is just the way we are heading as a society.

 

I've seen it happen IRL too. I do find it sad that people will just give up on a long marriage because they want to be "happy." Whatever "be happy" means anyway. What is wrong with trying to find individual happiness, some personal freedom, goal setting, etc. within a marriage? Particularly in a long standing marriage-this person stood by you for years. Who knows, maybe they can help you in your quest for happiness since they probably know you well. It just kind of p!sses me off. Sorry. Sore spot right now! :)

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hmmm

 

 

my view?

I`m surprised this post hasn`t been locked already!!

 

 

the OP didn`t really ask anything

didn`t want advice on anything apart from yet another N v S American `issue` that wants to get everyone else in the world included!!!!!!

lock this already!!!!

 

 

aM

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