Gemini611 Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 I've posted a few things over the last few weeks. Well after a minor spat about after shave again (of all things)---she had returned it without my knowledge and I simply wanted to know where it was, she kind of sadly asked "can we just get this over with?". I was very close to running late to get to work but basically told her I'd either make an appointment with a counselor or an attorney. Which one would it be? She didn't act or talk as though counseling would be of any interest to her and I had to go. Nothing else has been said about it in a few days. With my hours and kids at home in the evening, there hasn't been much opportunity. What do I do? Start the process? We don't hate each other. We just don't mix anymore as I've explained in other posts. I guess this is it Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Schedule marriage counseling. Don't ask her. Just do it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gemini611 Posted June 5, 2014 Author Share Posted June 5, 2014 Ok. This is almost surreal. I don't know how the hell I'm staying this calm. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gemini611 Posted June 5, 2014 Author Share Posted June 5, 2014 I'd like to ask also...I think I may know, but what's the rationale? Link to post Share on other sites
Amy74 Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 You shouldn't end your marriage without being able to say that you tried *everything*--I think counseling is the next step. (in my humble opinion) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gemini611 Posted June 5, 2014 Author Share Posted June 5, 2014 Yeah, you're right and that's what I thought. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 OP, I haven't read your backstory, so I'm not sure why your SO isn't more involved in solving your problems together, but I guess that's a key part of the problem: lack of engagement. I agree with the others who suggested marriage counseling as the next step. Also, reach out to family and friends so you can get some TLC for yourself. You must be reeling with all of this feeling so surreal. Take good care of you! Book a counselor, asap. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gemini611 Posted June 5, 2014 Author Share Posted June 5, 2014 Yeah I posted originally in "general relationship". I pretty much just got my 72 year old Pop. He's a good man. The best. My mom is not mentally all there--a type of schizophrenia they say. My friends seems to be avoiding it I think. My best friend became my best through his wife--who's really close with my wife. I guess I understand. I guess I'll be contacting my employee assistance people with my job. They're the only ones really equipped and can help me with work (railroading can be very demanding). I've got a full plate here I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gemini611 Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 Wow.....I wasn't expecting what I got from counseling. I initially went on my own and I guess the things the counselor heard set off some alarm bells. My wife has tentatively agreed to go on my 4th appointment but I half expect her to back out. The counselor has told me that based on what I've told her, my wife has some "destructive narcissistic" tendencies. After reading a book she suggested, I have to say I'm afraid she may be right. Much of it was gut-wrenchingly accurate. If my wife goes to the appointment, I really don't know what to expect. I make no claim to be faultless in all this by any means but this is really heavy stuff. Since "agreeing" to go, which she said was just so I could have it my way; she has been even more edgy than what I remember before. Yesterday she even said she "hates our family" over an argument about the thermostat setting!? I just don't know where this is going to end up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gemini611 Posted July 30, 2014 Author Share Posted July 30, 2014 She backed out. I knew it. Just in talking about our family/friends camping trip today we're getting ready for, I reminded her it was tomorrow. She began to get all upset. She said we didn't need to talk to a "stranger". We just need to talk together. This didn't go well either and the day has been downhill ever since. I'm really starting to think this counselor has my wife pegged----which is why she doesn't want to go to the counselor. Anyway---I'm still going. I need somebody to help me out with it. Either way, it looks like I'll have to be the "bad guy". I effing hate this!! It hurts and its just gut wrenching! But, it's got to come to a head somehow. Link to post Share on other sites
ashleyjohn Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 No matter how difficult it is, a marriage counselor can help sort out the issues between you two. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 You shouldn't end your marriage without being able to say that you tried *everything*--I think counseling is the next step. (in my humble opinion) True....but just like mediation where they don't call the other party to attend, the other party has to be willing and voluntarily show up for the meeting. I spent 6 months in mediation getting nowhere because ex' s friends were putting ideas into her head, and I had to take matters into my own hands by filing and having her served Link to post Share on other sites
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