My world is falling apart :( I really need some .

[momto3boys]

I have been through separation before. Been married 6 years. Together almost 7 years. Have one son by a previous relationship. Husband has been with me since my son has been one. We have 3 kids together. 2 boys and a girl. Girl is only 9 months old. This is 5th time we have separated. (The 2nd actually separated). The others times were out of anger and we got back back together within a few days. The last time we separated for 6 months and he eve. Had a girlfriend and I filed for divorce. My husband had really bad issues after coming home from Afghanistan. Even drug issues. We over came all of that and I changed a lot and we reconciled and got pregnant quickly after reconciling (was not planned). I know I am stupid for taking him back but he went to a drug rehab class and got help with his issues while in te army. We have our own marriage issues. We have no relationship outside of the kids. I was always too tired for sex. He worked 2 jobs and went to school full time. We didn't even argue anymore. But he claims now that I complained all of the time ad never appreciated him. But yet before he up and left we were in the process of buying a house, we had just gotten a dog. He just bought me a new wedding set. Etc. So when he left a month ago it was really hard to come to grips with because things had changed and were better. When I would ask why he left he would say I didn't appreciate him as I said and that I was controlling. (Which he would go fishing all the time and go to braves games etc) and I'd tell him to go out and stuff. So I dot get how I was controlling? I never got to do anything. My "complaining" as he said was because of bein overwhelmed. I never got a break. I let him sleep in all of the time because he worked hard and I thought by doing things like tjay.... That it showed that I appreciate him?

 

Fast forward to now... I was feeling ok about him leaving because I knew I ha changed and I really seriously tried to make the marriage work. I realized I can't take him back anymore because he is just goin to keep leaving. Nothing I ever do is good enough. Well since he left I got a job. I work 6 days a week(sometimes 7). I take my kids to their appointments, take care of the house ad the kids and the home work etc. I've also been studyin to go back to school for medical assisting. He tells me how I need to plan for m future. (How am I not?!) that I need. Better job. (I took what I could get and I am really trying). He does pay the bills for my house until I get on my feet.). I am making enough to pay my half of the bills plus a baby sitter and my gas. I can't afford 4 kids on my own. I have been feeling so down that I seriously felt like doing things out of charector for me. He makes me feel so low that I feel like sleeping with other men. I know it's to make me feel better. I NEVER act on the way I feel because I am tryin not to act on emotions or do anything I regret. I feel so low because he's made it clear that I'm a burden on him and nothing I do is ever good enough. Plus I am overwhelmed with working 6 days a week all day then dealing with the 4 kids alone. (I was a stay at home mom before he left for the last 5 years)

 

We are now not talking (it's been a few days). But I am so confused and hurt. He doesn't want to be with me obviously. But he is has been activating his Facebook and then deactivating it (so I can't block him) to see what I am "saying about him" on Facebook. He also tried I sleep with me sunday. Then turns around and tells me he doesn't care what I do. Go sleep with someone else, he's happier without me and like I said belittles my job. Tells me I'm never going to be able to do it alone, etc. Making me feel worthless. He's the one who left... Why is he being so mean? Why would he actually want to see me fail? I don't understand how he doesn't feel guilty that I am working just as mch as he is and taking are of the kids alone. He use to say how horrible he felt for his mom

Because she was a single mom and worked a lot with7 kids. Yet I'm doing it with 4 and he acts like I deserve this.

 

Like I said I am done. I don't want to reconcile but I can't get over how low he makes me feel. I can't even bring myself to talk to him because of how low he makes me feel.

[Minnie09]

Good. You don't need to talk to him.

Go see a lawyer and talk to them instead, about finances, spousal support, child support and shared parenting, daycare expenses etc. done. He seems too fickle to even try to get his own issues straightened out. He seems troubled. You have no time for this. You've gotta be responsible and raise your kids, try to make a living, and it doesn't matter whether or not he belittles you. You know you can do it, and being with him will always be harder on you than without him. He's not supportive, he's just a burden anyways. You're the mother of his children and he walks out on you. And he treats you with disrespect. You don't need this in your life. Focus on your goals and be done with him. Provide a stable home for your kids. He's a deadbeat, and he's humiliating you. Time to appreciate your new family without him there.

[momto3boys]

Thank you for the positive words/advice. Im still having a hard time adjusting to my new life. It's hard to go from being a stay at home mom and not worrying about the bills to working all the time and barely seeing my kids. I had never left my daughter before I started working. So it has been so hard on my kids. I feel so bad for them. I just am starting to feel like there will be no light at the end of the tunnel. That he will go on and have a better life and everything is just ping to be hard for me. I have a lawyers number that I plan to contact, but I'm afraid to file for child support because he is paying everything here. He reminds me all the time that this divorce will make my life hard but will make his life a million times easier because he will have to pay less money than h is paying now. Which freaks me out knowing eventually I'm going to get a lot less. (His main income is his GI bill that isn't taxable and they won't count that as an income). So I am so afraid of Falling on my face. Then I have him telling me that I will probably just "go live off of someone else". My world feels like it's crumbling all around me

[Minnie09]

No. He won't have the better life - trust me. He'll always be troubled. And unhappy. He's one of those guys who needs to make those closest to him unhappy, in order to feel something himself. Don't worry about that. You have your life and kids, and they're better off without him. And so are you. As for the finances, I can tell you that the longer he pays what he pays now, the better for you, because if the divorce happens, family courts tend to look at how finances have been handled during the separation, and they tend to maintain that standard. Because obviously he can afford it now. You'll receive spousal support and child support for 3 or 4 kids. You'll be fine. I'd just drag it out as long as possible, so that you can receive money for as long as possible, in order to get on your feet. Yes, it's extremely hard to go from stay at home to full time job. It's a tough adjustment also for the kids. But what they gain is a more stable home and a strong, reliable parent that they can look up to. Don't let him tell you what or what not will be counted as income. He has no clue or is trying to scare you. Talk to an attorney and work out your best strategy.

[momto3boys]

Thank you!