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Is weight gain grounds for divorce?


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Grumpybutfun

Today my wife and I got a call from my sister in law. My younger brother has decided that he wants a divorce because she is "fat." She has gained weight since they married ten years ago. My wife thinks maybe twenty-five pounds, but she was extremely thin before so she isn't what I would call fat now, just average. Apparently he told her when they married that he married a slim woman and he expected her to stay that way. She said that now because she isn't taking off the weight, he wants a divorce. Her stance is that she has been working in therapy with a lot of marriage issues with him and it has taken its toll because he is so mean to her. She has been comfort eating because they aren't getting along, and in fact haven't gotten along in years.

What say ye, LSer, is weight gain grounds for a divorce? Have you done this or been through this? Any opinions on this?

Thanks,

Grumps

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Hope Shimmers
Her stance is that she has been working in therapy with a lot of marriage issues with him and it has taken its toll because he is so mean to her. She has been comfort eating because they aren't getting along, and in fact haven't gotten along in years.

 

If true, I would say this is much more the issue than her weight gain.

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I agree with Hope in that oh so much more here than weight gain! But to answer your question...

 

I actually do believe that staying attractive to your partner is a serious responsibility on both members of any relationship. That having been said, part of that responsibility is also helping each other achieve this. Exercising together or supporting each other's exercise regime (scheduling the time, babysitting so it's achievable, praising results), eating well together, participating in each other's choice of clothing and grooming (including budgeting the time and money for this)... and the list goes on.

 

Unless he's actively engaged in all this, as well as keeping himself attractive... as far as I'm concerned he's got nuthin'.

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Hello Grumps,

I agree with Hope Shimmers, that there is more to this than just her weight gain.

 

In reality 25lbs weight gain is nothing.

 

When my exH was having his PA he started criticising my weight gain. I had gained 7lbs and was 5'3" and 133lbs at the time !!

 

I'm afraid it is a sympton of much deeper dissatisfaction with the relationship.

 

I also agree with SolG that this is a 2 way street.

 

I hope that they can sort this out, but it doesn't look good for them at the moment.

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lollipopspot
Apparently he told her when they married that he married a slim woman and he expected her to stay that way.

 

I have slightly less sympathy for her than I would otherwise because he told her he was an ass when they married, and apparently she didn't want to believe him.

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Heck no it's not grounds for divorce, but let me caveat that with the following....

 

I do agree that we owe it to ourselves and our partners to be the best versions of ourselves by staying healthy.

 

That said, Marriage is a partnership, I'm willing to bet that your brother doesn't look exactly like he did 10 years ago. If he got in an accident and lost a limb, would that be grounds for divorce?

 

...for better or worse....that includes weight gain, sickness, amputations, hair loss...etc.....right?

 

There's more to his story than her weight.

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Well, to be fair, legally anything could be grounds for a divorce. But no, I don't consider weight gain of 25 lbs to be a 'reasonable' ground.

 

I agree with lollipopspot in this case, though. If he'd actually said those words to her when they married, she would already know what sort of man she was marrying. She could've said no. So I hardly think she should be surprised when he's doing just what he already said he would before they got married.

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I highly doubt that a man who wants to divorce his wife cause of her gaining weight (or losing weight or whatever reason of beauty issue) is a man who is worth keeping or he ever was. I'm sorry to be mean but a man who truly loves his wife and cares firstly for her happiness will never leave her for such a minor issue. As expected they already have had problems before her gaining weight. Maybe that woman should be happy that this opportunity has occurred so she gets rid of this shallow man sooner than later. I don't know how some women get married to this kind of guys. I mean, I'm stunned every time with this kind of stories.

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If true, I would say this is much more the issue than her weight gain.

 

 

 

We have some that can see right through your brother's manure.

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God, I hope not. I have gained 25 lbs since getting married. I keep telling DH he's fattening. He just says it's cause he's so sweet.

 

Ironically just last night my cousin told me he's thinking about dumping his GF because she has gained 30 lbs since Christmas. Earlier in the night she had been sharing her insecurities about her weight gain with me; she's trying to quit smoking. I told my cousin he's being an insensitive jerk & that she's an amazing woman. I also reminded him that him being like this is what ruined his 2 marriages.

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They will get divorce no matter what. He is too shallow and has a bad attitude. If it's not her weight it will be because she's old. Does he think she'll stay attractive forever? Relationships can't last base on looks. Beauty fades. If he doesn't understand that then he shouldn't bother with marriage. She's better off leaving him.

 

However, I do understand why he got upset about it. Weight is something that one can control for the most part. And most couple should have a conscious awareness of trying to stay fit for their partner. But the most important thing is you should love your partner for them more than for their looks.

 

To answer your question, is weight gain grounds for divorce? Nope. It's fairly normal to gain weight as you get older. 25 lbs is pretty standard. However in a case of abnormal weight gain (say 150 lbs more), then there is clearly some issues she is having that is causing her to put on weight. I would then try to get her help with the issue, perhaps see a counselor. If she is unwilling to see a counselor to solve these issues then of course I would suggest separating (not divorce). If it is something I did or not do that is the problem, of course I would quickly change that. As long as my wife is willing to work to save the marriage, then I would never leave her. So it's not really about the weight it's about fixing the real problem and restoring the balance that foster a happy marriage.

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Her weight isn't the issue - but he's willing to make it seem like it's the issue.

 

Since HE is that shallow and unappreciative of her - and as history shows, unwilling to address what's REALLY bothering him - she should divorce him.

 

 

He sounds like a douche.

 

Being critical of your spouse never heals what is broken.

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According to my exH it is a good and valid reason, and he was right...best 185 lbs I ever lost when I filed those divorce papers. I certainly felt lighter with all that weight off of my shoulders.

 

When a marriage gets to that point of meanness and shallowness, it's break down time. Hard to come back from that kind of hurtfulness.

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what do I say?

I hope you aren`t as obnoxious and self centered as your brother is grumpy

 

 

they have been having problems for a while from you put?

 

 

so , he`s just finding any excuse now to divorce her

instead of `growing a pair`, and telling her the REAL reason why he wants out

what a coward!!

SHE`s better off without HIM!

 

 

am

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InnocentMan

To be honest, he should have brought it up as an issue after the first 10 pounds of weight gain. The horse has bolted now and it's not easy to lose 25 pounds. It's baffling how women put on this much weight and expect their husbands/bf's to still want to be with them. The same applies to men who gain as much. Just stop eating when you're full, it's not difficult.

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trippi,

 

According to my exH it is a good and valid reason, and he was right...best 185 lbs I ever lost when I filed those divorce papers. I certainly felt lighter with all that weight off of my shoulders.

 

^^^^^

 

Now that's funny ! :D

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Weight gain is not always about food, it's about metabolism and external factors that affect it. Medications, stress, busy schedules, lack of time to exercise....age, thyroid...all of those things can affect how the body breaks down and uses the food that is consumed. Weight is a temporary issue that can be fixed. Vanity, shallowness and stupidity....well, that can't be fixed....but it never is forgotten.

 

I tend to think that couples should take care of each other. I love what Blake Shelton said recently to his wife Miranda Lambert when she noticed she had put on some weight. "In the past, Lambert has been at the mercy of media scrutiny involving her sometimes fluctuating weight. When looking at old pictures of herself, Lambert probed her husband for answers about her body. “I asked Blake, ‘Dude, why didn’t you tell me I got fat?’” she spills. “He said, ‘That would go over like a lead balloon. It’s not my job to tell you you’re fat. It’s my job to tell you’re beautiful.’”

 

[Pacella, Meghan: Miranda Lambert Opens Up About Her Body, Admits She Likes Her ‘Big Butt’ | Miranda Lambert Opens Up About Her Body, Admits She Likes Her ?Big Butt?, 15 May 2012. Web. 04 April 2014.]

 

Why should Grumps Brother's wife lose weight now? The damage of how her husband supports her is already evident. I wouldn't lose weight for a man EVER!! I do that for myself. I yo-yo dieted for 15 years to please someone else....Nope, not ever again. What I do, I do for me, that makes me happy, confident and not letting someone else hurt me with their opinions of how I should be a certain size to be sexy, loved, cared for and treated with respect.

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pickflicker

The weight gain sounds like a convenient excuse.

 

25 pounds is approx...10 kilos, right (apologies, have to think if it in metric terms to visualise)? That's a pretty small amount to creep on over 10 years. If she'd become one of those 300kg people that needed a crane to lift them out of bed and they refused to do anything about it, then yes, sticking by them would be difficult. But I suspect that this guy has another reason for wanting to leave.

 

I wouldn't even call 10kgs "weight gain". I'd call it "weight fluctuation".

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weight gain or loss?

what`s it matter???

 

 

weight loss or gain can be attributed to either stress or happiness....or both!

 

 

HE (the brother of the OP) ....wants out

and he is just using `weight` as a way out

 

 

He really couldn`t of loved her that much in the 1st place

sad really

shallow guy with no respect for anyone ... esp himself

 

 

aM

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The weight gain sounds like a convenient excuse.

 

25 pounds is approx...10 kilos, right (apologies, have to think if it in metric terms to visualise)? That's a pretty small amount to creep on over 10 years. If she'd become one of those 300kg people that needed a crane to lift them out of bed and they refused to do anything about it, then yes, sticking by them would be difficult. But I suspect that this guy has another reason for wanting to leave.

 

I wouldn't even call 10kgs "weight gain". I'd call it "weight fluctuation".

 

 

25 is 2 stone

if that helps?

now I`m showing my age!

aM

Edited by aMguilts
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When my exH started complaining that I was fat - I knew something was off! I was a tall and slim size 2!

 

His cheater glasses were on and didn't see things clearly. He was trying to find fault with anyone but himself.

 

I say if your brother doesn't love her just the way she is - then do her a favor and divorce her!

 

But to stay and criticize more is just him being mean and cruel!

 

It says so much more about HIM than her.

 

Are you sure he's not cheating?

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Grumpybutfun

I just loved some of these responses....they so coincide with my own. First of all, no, the issues they have been fighting has been all centered around her weight. He is apparently verbally abusive and locks the fridge and calls her names and buys her fat clothes in plus sizes which she doesn't wear. He needs me to beat his ass but my wife wont let me fly out there.

 

 

My SIL did know he was petty, an idiot and shallow, but I think she is like all the rest of the women out there who thinks they can change a man. Therefore, me beating him up isn't really going to help either of them because she is culpable for not listening and not being practical and realistic. Why he is doing this is obviously infidelity. She never complains or nags when he plays video games all day, he doesn't hold down stable employment and he flirts with women and chats online. She doesn't complain when he uses their credit cards to buy expensive items they cant afford on her nursing salary. I don't even know what his employment is since he is a douche and we haven't spoken in years. I am nothing like him. I choose to be happy and healthy and take responsibility for my own choices.

I have to agree with those who thinks this is a scapegoat plan for infidelity. He is known for doing immature and unethical things like that so my advice was for her to hire an investigator, and a good attorney, start snooping and to not listen to any of his fat rhetoric. She is better off without him.

 

 

My wife says that she isn't fat (we saw her three months ago) but she could understand if some people did stop being attracted to someone who became lazy, gained loads of weight, became disinterested in activities and basically checked out from taking care of themselves. I can see that, though my brothers situation is nothing like that...he is rather tubby imo and could stand to lose about sixty pounds. In this world there are people who get it, and people who don't, and my younger brother just never got it.

 

 

However, I did some research and apparently this weight gain is a reason for divorce isn't something new. Apparently, people truly believe this. Looks like men are more so to divorce a woman who gains weight during marriage.

 

 

Ah, the drama,

Grumps

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if you want your wife to be slim

 

You go take her to the gym and exercise with her. Arrange a healthy meal plan for her, eat healthy food with her, and treat her gently and be supportive until she loses the extra weight

 

You don't go divorcing her.

 

The other day there was this extremely atheltic and handsome guy at my gym. He could get any girl, but he was with his girlfriend(or wife) who is a little overweight, and he was with her on every step of the way. Teaching her how to use the machines and supporting her.

 

This is real love and marriage. Not giving ultimatum and threats to your wife that you've been with for 10 years.

 

people don't gain weight because they love that, they gain it out of frustration and after going through rough times.

Edited by Noproblem
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I just loved some of these responses....they so coincide with my own. First of all, no, the issues they have been fighting has been all centered around her weight. He is apparently verbally abusive and locks the fridge and calls her names and buys her fat clothes in plus sizes which she doesn't wear. He needs me to beat his ass but my wife wont let me fly out there.

 

 

My SIL did know he was petty, an idiot and shallow, but I think she is like all the rest of the women out there who thinks they can change a man. Therefore, me beating him up isn't really going to help either of them because she is culpable for not listening and not being practical and realistic. Why he is doing this is obviously infidelity. She never complains or nags when he plays video games all day, he doesn't hold down stable employment and he flirts with women and chats online. She doesn't complain when he uses their credit cards to buy expensive items they cant afford on her nursing salary. I don't even know what his employment is since he is a douche and we haven't spoken in years. I am nothing like him. I choose to be happy and healthy and take responsibility for my own choices.

I have to agree with those who thinks this is a scapegoat plan for infidelity. He is known for doing immature and unethical things like that so my advice was for her to hire an investigator, and a good attorney, start snooping and to not listen to any of his fat rhetoric. She is better off without him.

 

 

My wife says that she isn't fat (we saw her three months ago) but she could understand if some people did stop being attracted to someone who became lazy, gained loads of weight, became disinterested in activities and basically checked out from taking care of themselves. I can see that, though my brothers situation is nothing like that...he is rather tubby imo and could stand to lose about sixty pounds. In this world there are people who get it, and people who don't, and my younger brother just never got it.

 

 

However, I did some research and apparently this weight gain is a reason for divorce isn't something new. Apparently, people truly believe this. Looks like men are more so to divorce a woman who gains weight during marriage.

 

 

Ah, the drama,

Grumps

 

Sooooo, if he puts her on the defensive and makes her feel guilty - then she's less likely to notice his bad behavior.

 

 

Hmmm, a solid manipulative move for someone who doesn't want to have what they are really doing noticed.

 

She earns a living - while he doesn't. Why would she stay? She is accustomed to a mooch and abuse?

 

Did you give a nod yes - leave him? She may need someone to encourage her to break free from the abuse and drama.

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