My Husband Had an Emotional Affair

[TreasuredLove]

After being married for 15 years with two daughters, my husband decided to have an emotional affair. I suspected something was wrong from the beginning and instead of mentioning it to him, I collected evidence and laid low until everything came out to the open.

This woman that he had the emotional affair with, was not a threat to me at all. I realize that she does not owe me anything because she's not the one married to me. And secondly, she did not have a clue who she was really conversing with. She fell in love with someone that she thought she knew. When she realized that he was stringing her along and would not leave me, she then contacted me via email. So she stalked me and found out what she could about me and waited until the opportune time to send the email. I already knew she had ran a report on me via the great old internet.

Being who I am, I very well could've knocked on her door and allowed her to relay her email in person but I knew she was a coward, just like my husband. Therefore, I did the next best thing and had a conversation with her Mother. Hey, if she can email me that she was having an affair with my husband, then by all means, I can have a conversation with her mom, right?

 

Well, after having a talk with her Mom and showing her mother all the evidence I had on her child, I then decided to call my husband. And we all know that the OW had already clued him in to the fact that she would be emailing me, so for two hours, he could not be reached. I left my second voicemail that gave no clue to the furry I had inside and he eventually called. I did not mention a word to him, told him of the great dinner I had planned and carried the conversation on as if nothing was wrong.

 

When my husband came home from work, I had all the evidence waiting for him, along with divorce papers already written up. LOL!!! What a great day for me!!!

 

So, my point in it all...I realize that no one owes me happiness, that I owe to myself. When I found out about the ow, I could've posted fliers all over her building. I could've went to her kids school and posted fliers there to. I could've called my husbands supervisor and had him fired but what satisfaction would I have gotten from that? Why hurt innocent children? Why get my husband fired for cheating on me...I decided to contact the ow's mother so when the final blow hit, her mother and family would be aware of the pain her child was feeling. And decided to play it cool with my husband because factual evidence does not lie and filing for divorce and requesting what I want, will hurt him more in the long run....

 

In all this, I have learned that pain goes hand in hand. Mess with me, I will deal with you but mess with the future happiness and security of my children, I become a vicious, vindictive woman.

 

So to the other woman and my husband, I wish you both all the happiness your little hearts can handle! And to my husband, see you in court!!! oh and by the way, I have a great attorney. He has handled cases for me in the past and I have won so my husband knows how my attorney handles his business and you can bet that my husband has called everyday for the last four months begging to see me. Our court date is in two weeks, he can see me then. He's still involved with our daughters but I cannot stand the sight of the low down sneaking bas+%#!

[worldgonewrong]

^^^^

Now THIS is how it's done!

 

I doff my hat to you, lady. Awesome.

[TreasuredLove]

^^^^

Now THIS is how it's done!

 

I doff my hat to you, lady. Awesome.

 

 

 

Thank you! Why sit home, licking your wounds when you can fight fire with fire?

[worldgonewrong]

TreasuredLove- one thing that stuck out:

I already knew she had ran a report on me via the great old internet.

Yikes! How did you figure this out?

That creeps me out, that she'd do this and that you can see her 'footprints' so to speak behind you on the 'net.

[TreasuredLove]

TreasuredLove- one thing that stuck out:

 

Yikes! How did you figure this out?

That creeps me out, that she'd do this and that you can see her 'footprints' so to speak behind you on the 'net.

 

 

 

Doesn't take a rocket scientist to research who has been researching you.

[TreasuredLove]

TreasuredLove- one thing that stuck out:

 

Yikes! How did you figure this out?

That creeps me out, that she'd do this and that you can see her 'footprints' so to speak behind you on the 'net.

 

 

 

It creeped me out as well, to the point where I believe she planned the whole thing. Her research started way before she contacted him.

[JamesM]

Curious questions.....

 

Was this his first "emotional affair?" Can you describe it a little bit?

 

How long was this affair? What did you learn it was like?

 

How old are you and him and the OW?

 

Did you love him prior to finding out or was there this animosity between the two of you? Did the two of you have a close relationship prior to this?

 

Did you not think there was any hope of reconciliation? For the sake of your girls, would it have not been worth a try?

 

How did this mess with your girls?

 

And now don't shoot me for asking....why so angry at him? I can see some anger and a lot of hurt, but your post seethes with anger and little hurt.

 

You mentioned that you have a good attorney and he has won cases for you in the past...what kind of cases?

 

Have either of you been married before?

 

Interesting "story." I would love to hear more details.

[lollipopspot]

This woman that he had the emotional affair with, was not a threat to me at all. I realize that she does not owe me anything because she's not the one married to me. And secondly, she did not have a clue who she was really conversing with. She fell in love with someone that she thought she knew. When she realized that he was stringing her along and would not leave me, she then contacted me via email. So she stalked me and found out what she could about me and waited until the opportune time to send the email. I already knew she had ran a report on me via the great old internet.

Being who I am, I very well could've knocked on her door and allowed her to relay her email in person but I knew she was a coward, just like my husband. Therefore, I did the next best thing and had a conversation with her Mother. Hey, if she can email me that she was having an affair with my husband, then by all means, I can have a conversation with her mom, right?

 

I'm confused about this. It sounds like the OW was being helpful in a way by letting you know what your husband was up to. Was their emotional affair over?

 

You've certainly encouraged other women to never contact the wife. Rather than helping the wife to know what's going on in her relationship, it may bring a lot of grief onto the OW.

[TreasuredLove]

Curious questions.....

 

Was this his first "emotional affair?" Can you describe it a little bit?

 

 

Not sure. But this is the first one that was caught

 

How long was this affair? What did you learn it was like?

 

 

The emotional affair was short lived

 

How old are you and him and the OW?

 

Old enough to know right from wrong. (For once I'm not being sarcastic, so please do not take it that way)

 

 

Did you love him prior to finding out or was there this animosity between the two of you? Did the two of you have a close relationship prior to this?

 

 

Love? Yes. Love and trusted him with all my heart. He never gave me a reason to snoop into his business. He never gave me a reason to doubt him. And I still love him but cannot trust him.

 

We were very close if not we would've gone our separate ways a long time ago. When I found out about the EA, I was devastated that someone I trusted completely, would deceive me. But I had to face reality for what it was.

 

Trust me when I say that I went through 101 questions and answers on forgiving and I failed each one...it is not in my heart. I'm too stoned cold for forgiveness. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice...well we know how that saying goes...

 

 

Did you not think there was any hope of reconciliation? For the sake of your girls, would it have not been worth a try?

 

 

I cannot find it in my heart to forgive him.

 

 

How did this mess with your girls?

 

 

Fortunately, we have a great support system.

 

And now don't shoot me for asking....why so angry at him? I can see some anger and a lot of hurt, but your post seethes with anger and little hurt.

 

 

I'm angry at him because it's obvious that he felt the need to correspond with another female, other than me. We made a vow to each other and not to a third party.

 

Secondly, this OW had the audacity to contact me when she very well knew he would not leave me. She though by contacting me, it would give her the upper hand. Not in my eye sight it does not. By contacting me, she opened a door she's now wishing she never opened. Angry? Huh, that barely describes what I'm feeling.

 

 

You mentioned that you have a good attorney and he has won cases for you in the past...what kind of cases?

 

 

Wow....can't say right now

 

Have either of you been married before?

 

 

Again, wow....can't say right now

 

Interesting "story." I would love to hear more details.

 

 

After all of this has settled down, I would enjoy sharing my entire story with names included because no one is innocent once the facts have been laid out.

[JamesM]

After all of this has settled down, I would enjoy sharing my entire story with names included because no one is innocent once the facts have been laid out.

 

Sorry if I asked any question that was too personal. I probably could have phrased them differently. General answers may have worked without being too identifiable.

 

I asked about the attorney and previous marriages only to understand if this kind of betrayal or a similar kind has happened to you before. I wasn't looking for any specifics as to cases or details.

 

Very good and complete answers and I better understand you...if it matters.

 

Some can forgive, others cannot. For me, an emotional affair would be easier to forgive than a physical one. For many women, the opposite is true. And yet others, any betrayal means the end.

 

As you mention in some of your other posts, it is all about you now, so don't let the anger overwhelm you and eat you up. I have seen it happen in real life and read about it here.

 

I hope you find some support and good feedback here to help you on this forced "journey" in life.

[William]

Please do not share any personally identifiable information in this thread as it is a violation of LoveShack's commitment to anonymity. Thanks!

[TreasuredLove]

I'm confused about this. It sounds like the OW was being helpful in a way by letting you know what your husband was up to. Was their emotional affair over?

 

You've certainly encouraged other women to never contact the wife. Rather than helping the wife to know what's going on in her relationship, it may bring a lot of grief onto the OW.

 

 

 

Why are you confused? How can someone who willingly enters into a relationship with a mm, help the wife by telling her she's been with her husband? She wasn't being helpful. She was being spiteful, nasty, mean and childish. When she realized he was not leaving me to be with her, she then contacted me. She knew he was married when she reached out to him...

 

 

I'm not bashing ow, hey, do what you feel is best for your situation. However, in my situation, and I' speaking based on my take on my situation.

 

 

Here's my viewpoint on contacting the wife, after the affair, during the affair or otherwise...leave her out of it! How are you being helpful in announcing you are having an affair with another woman's husband? It is up to you to investigate who you are dealing with before you allow your feelings to become involved with someone that you do not know!

 

 

Secondly, by telling the wife, you run the risk of having her come at you full throttle because she's going strictly on emotions. Telling the wife does not free you, telling the other wife actually has her hurting right along with you, am I right? Misery loves company! So be honest. Some OW's feel that I'll hurt him like he has hurt me and expose our affair. I will tell his wife the intimate details of our relationship and crush her. Every time he looks at her or she looks at him, I will be on their minds. I will be the one that tore them apart...I will get the last laugh. He will not hurt me and get away with it! (I can go on and on with this one)

 

 

As for me, the wife, I knew something was clouding his judgment. I didn't know what it was but I didn't sit on my thumbs waiting for it to come out. I went and got the information myself and based on what I found, I knew that I needed to secure our future.

 

 

 

 

So with that being said...everyone is entitled to live their lives how they choose to live their lives and have their own viewpoints of being with a married man or woman...we have that will to love freely BUT do not get it twisted when it comes to me!

[lollipopspot]

Here's my viewpoint on contacting the wife, after the affair, during the affair or otherwise...leave her out of it! How are you being helpful in announcing you are having an affair with another woman's husband? It is up to you to investigate who you are dealing with before you allow your feelings to become involved with someone that you do not know!

 

Secondly, by telling the wife, you run the risk of having her come at you full throttle because she's going strictly on emotions. Telling the wife does not free you, telling the other wife actually has her hurting right along with you, am I right?

 

Well, I notice that a lot of BSs encourage revelation by the OW, and feel it is helpful to the BS to know what their partner has been up to.

 

But OW reading this should surely think again about doing anything like that, lest the BS involves the OW's mother.

[TreasuredLove]

Sorry if I asked any question that was too personal. I probably could have phrased them differently. General answers may have worked without being too identifiable.

 

I asked about the attorney and previous marriages only to understand if this kind of betrayal or a similar kind has happened to you before. I wasn't looking for any specifics as to cases or details.

 

Very good and complete answers and I better understand you...if it matters.

 

Some can forgive, others cannot. For me, an emotional affair would be easier to forgive than a physical one. For many women, the opposite is true. And yet others, any betrayal means the end.

 

As you mention in some of your other posts, it is all about you now, so don't let the anger overwhelm you and eat you up. I have seen it happen in real life and read about it here.

 

I hope you find some support and good feedback here to help you on this forced "journey" in life.

 

 

 

Thank you!!! I haven't shared my story with anyone but my attorney and family. I left our friends out of it as to not give them a reason to choose sides.

Edited April 4, 2014 by TreasuredLove

[Hope Shimmers]

I'm curious why your husband's job (you said you could have gotten him fired) would even be a factor in his emotional affair. Unless she was a co-worker I suppose.

 

I'm glad you are happy with how this worked out, but it seems to me pretty drastic. That's just my own opinion though. If it was a short-lived emotional affair, it would seem that reconciliation or at least marriage counseling could have been an option, for the kids' sake if nothing else.

 

I rest my case on not telling the BS.

[TreasuredLove]

I'm curious why your husband's job (you said you could have gotten him fired) would even be a factor in his emotional affair. Unless she was a co-worker I suppose.

 

I'm glad you are happy with how this worked out, but it seems to me pretty drastic. That's just my own opinion though. If it was a short-lived emotional affair, it would seem that reconciliation or at least marriage counseling could have been an option, for the kids' sake if nothing else.

 

I rest my case on not telling the BS.

 

 

 

Thanks for your response Hope Shimmers.

 

 

In all honesty, reconciling is something my husband is begging me to do. My heart will not allow it and I know it has a lot to do with my childhood.

 

 

And while I'm being honest, after reading my own words, my heart did do a little fluttering for him but it was short lived.

[TreasuredLove]

Thanks for your response Hope Shimmers.

 

 

In all honesty, reconciling is something my husband is begging me to do. My heart will not allow it and I know it has a lot to do with my childhood.

 

 

And while I'm being honest, after reading my own words, my heart did do a little fluttering for him but it was short lived.

 

 

 

Originally Posted by Hope Shimmers

I'm curious why your husband's job (you said you could have gotten him fired) would even be a factor in his emotional affair. Unless she was a co-worker I suppose.

 

Cant go into detail right now about this but soon I will....

 

[Hope Shimmers]

Originally Posted by Hope Shimmers

I'm curious why your husband's job (you said you could have gotten him fired) would even be a factor in his emotional affair. Unless she was a co-worker I suppose.

 

Cant go into detail right now about this but soon I will....

 

I didn't mean for you to have to go into detail.

 

Maybe after things calm down you might feel differently? I can imagine that emotions are running extremely high right now.

 

He sounds remorseful. I hope you can make it work out!

[TheBladeRunner]

Thanks for your response Hope Shimmers.

 

 

In all honesty, reconciling is something my husband is begging me to do. My heart will not allow it and I know it has a lot to do with my childhood.

 

 

And while I'm being honest, after reading my own words, my heart did do a little fluttering for him but it was short lived.

 

The XW wanted the same; she kept telling me wait to file while she sorted things out (cake eater). Mine was similar in that I filed and served her before I left the house so she couldn't keep me from seeing my daughter. I filed at the advice of a friend because of the custody issue he had; I did it 3 days after I found out, she never saw it coming. The X in-laws were livid that I filed so soon, f$%# them! Nobody was going to interfere with me and my daughter. OP, you have the best DDay/paper serving I have ever seen.

 

BRAVO!

[TreasuredLove]

The XW wanted the same; she kept telling me wait to file while she sorted things out (cake eater). Mine was similar in that I filed and served her before I left the house so she couldn't keep me from seeing my daughter. I filed at the advice of a friend because of the custody issue he had; I did it 3 days after I found out, she never saw it coming. The X in-laws were livid that I filed so soon, f$%# them! Nobody was going to interfere with me and my daughter. OP, you have the best DDay/paper serving I have ever seen.

 

BRAVO!

 

Thank you!! Holding in what I knew for those shorts months, was very hard and cost a lot of tears. Now that I am able to share some of it, I'm calmer. When the divorce is final I know I will be at peace.

[trippi1432]

Thanks for your response Hope Shimmers.

 

 

In all honesty, reconciling is something my husband is begging me to do. My heart will not allow it and I know it has a lot to do with my childhood.

 

 

And while I'm being honest, after reading my own words, my heart did do a little fluttering for him but it was short lived.

 

Once a boundary is crossed, it can't be uncrossed. I couldn't do it either, reconcile once betrayed. To be honest, I did that too much in my first marriage to a serial cheat (granted, both of us were too young to know what we wanted...but only one of us was taking the marriage and raising a child serious). I think that did set a precedent for me, my second H knew that was a line in the sand....and he was faithful for almost 15 years.

 

Sometimes bad things fall apart so better things can fall together.

[Lady2163]

I'm genuinely confused. Your soon to be ex husband had an emotional affair, but not a physical affair. It was short lived.

 

I guess I don't quite understand.

 

Men and women who work in intense professions may have close relationships with those they work with, whether they are male or female. Law enforcement, military, prison employment, many government jobs, medical. They may have emotional feelings with someone they work with that doesn't always make sense to those outside of the profession.

 

So, when I read emotional affair, I keep wondering if you may have been a little quick on the trigger.

[goodyblue]

Ooooh, she mad!

[RonaldS]

It's a good thing it's all his fault. You're totally absolved!

[TreasuredLove]

I'm genuinely confused. Your soon to be ex husband had an emotional affair, but not a physical affair. It was short lived.

 

I guess I don't quite understand.

 

Men and women who work in intense professions may have close relationships with those they work with, whether they are male or female. Law enforcement, military, prison employment, many government jobs, medical. They may have emotional feelings with someone they work with that doesn't always make sense to those outside of the profession.

 

So, when I read emotional affair, I keep wondering if you may have been a little quick on the trigger.

 

 

My husband does not work in a profession where he may have close relationships with another woman. When text messages suggest that emotional MAY lead to physical, then its time that he and I part ways.